Writing My Wrongs

I just want to be successful...

What level will I go to be successful?

I am hours away from the new year. I am silently mourning the year that is to pass. Knowing that I didn't take advantage of this life I've lived for the past 12 months. I've bullshitted off 8760 hours of my life. I am determined to be better than I was this year.
Not a resolution.
A promise to myself.

I am ready.

Ready to walk into the new year...excited because I know I've gone through the bottoms as far as my emotional and even my physical state the beginning of year. I am glad for the experience. I grew from it. In a way I didn't realize I needed to. The second half of this year has just been me trying to bounce back to what makes me wonderful.

I lost me.
Then I found me.

And now I am inspired.

Happy New Year My Family
*and a special thank you to Slish:*
















My favorites:
January
What Matters
February
New Me??
March
Judging, Patterns & War
April
Fading
May
That Night
June
Happy to Be Back Home
July
Everybody Likes to Cha Cha Cha
August
Weekend Love
September
And Then There Were 4
October
Dream A Little Dream of Me
November
And A One, And A Two...And Away We Go

I cry when I have an orgasm.
Being in control all the time can have its ups and downs of course but it’s in those moments that I decide to give up control and just enjoy…that I have moments of pure delight, where I start to feel that my body is going to burst into a million little shards of light. It’s overwhelming…and I cry. It’s not that I can’t have orgasms on a regular basis, it’s that I choose not to, that sort of cripples the act.
What is the purpose of making love if I don’t allow myself to enjoy it?
Good question.
~~~~~

Slow down
Speed up
Turn on the windshield wipers
Turn off the windshield wipers
Get in the middle lane
Stay close to the shoulder
Turn off the heat
Turn on the heat
Be careful
Watch out

I swear I will never travel in the snow with my aunt and her husband. Cussing, the likes I have never heard before. Words that I have never heard…but words I will use…such as Snaggle Fraggle Bullcrap…that one is mine! [Any version of ggle or ckle will work]

Story goes like this. I was planning to leave on Thursday because I hade some things that I had to take care of before next week…Christmas week. So I had to get back to NYC. Since I have been here, I have stayed at 3 different locations. The last being my aunts. She is the one who hoodwinked me into staying until today. Snow day in DC. What is reported to be the worst snow storm IN DECEMBER HISTORY.
That’s that snaggle fraggle bullcrap!!

So she convinced me to stay…more or less hoodwinked me.
Part of her plan was to get me to go to Suffolk to help my aunt do some more hoodwinking…more like scheming but I am not going to actually say that out loud to her face…but whatever. Our plan was to be out of Suffolk by 3pm…so we wouldn’t get stuck driving in the WORSTSNOWSTORMINDECEMBERHISTORY, however because of Auntie #2 scheming ass…we left around 4:30pm…by 6 we were in the middle of a freaking snow storm…what should have been a 3.5 hour trip…ended up taking 8 hours.
All I brought down on this trip was some blue converse sneakers and some heels to go out in. Here are the converse, sitting at Amtrak for 5 hours...waiting on my delayed train...delays because of the WORSTSTORMINDECEMBERHISTORY.


SIDENOTE: Do not wear Converse in blizzard like weather…ever. My toes were soaked…matter of fact, they are still soaked from last night and now from being caught in the WORSTSNOWSTORMINDECEMBERHISTORY today.


About my date on Thursday evening… can I just say that either I pick some really weak ass mushy guys or maybe I am just playing this game entirely too slow because these muthaeffas get sprung extremely fast and try to shackle me down.
No…seriously!

My NEW philosophy: Some come to play, some come to pay…but none come to stay.
That’s that old skool pimp knowledge.
Soak it in and...absorb.

I don’t even have a nickname for this man because right now he is just too much. This man asked me in 8 different ways if I had a man…I said no to all 8 ways. He tried to ask again and I just looked at him dead in his eyeball and asked him if he was slow or something.
Oddly, that didn’t go over well.
Now I am not sure if he’s been cheated on or if he has cheated so much that he now fears that all women are going to do as he did…
All I know is that this jack sucka didn’t want to end the date.
We went to dinner, we played some air-hockey and played some hoop and then we went to the movies…6 hours later he is still trying to keep the night going.
DUDE! I am tired! Take my ass home please!
Shoooot!
He's already planning a trip for my birthday in 2 months...but I'm like, "whoa cowboy. Slow down. Your cute country behind prolly won't even be around in February!"
I will say this…he’s very nice to look at, he is this version of a southern gentleman [I say that because right now it may be gentlemanly but later it could easily turn into controlling], he is nice. However, I sense there is something under the surface…time will tell. I see that I am going to have to impart some more of my learned pimpology on him…because…
If a man comes looking for direction…I'mma have to become his director.
..but in the mean time, I am going to have to tell him to...
...slow down.

I will not be moving in with Pookie. But, as usual, I will still be staying at his house when I come to visit DC.

I honestly feel like I haven’t had a weekend to myself since mid-October. I am leaving today but I'm returning on the 23rd...I was half-hearted when I said I might move back here...but I am here more than I am at home. If I had the funds I'd keep my place in NYC for weekends and live my weekdays here in the DC area.

And finally...here are some pictures of some Santas. Last Saturady, Pookie and I found ourselves in the middle of a Santa Crawl in NY. Hundreds of Santas on the LES…in bars, restaurants, and following their route…wherever that was.



TMI Section: So my ‘licious buds have been extra sensitive…like they were before. I need some serous suction...but for now I am just walking around my apartment pinching my nipples. So tell me this, why did I have to read back thru my damn archives to find out what I was suppose to do… oh yeaaaa, evening primrose oil and warm compresses. This is that snaggle fraggle bullcrap!

B~E~Z

Burtonville Maryland has the best freaking shrimp and grits spot!!! No effing lie. Pookie and I stopped there on the way into Takoma Park this evening. Ate and watched the damn Raiders get their ass kicked by the bastard redskins. C'est la vie.
I am in town to visit with my friend Terry. If I would have planned this correctly, I could have been here to visit him on Monday and AJ in NYC on Tuesday...I could have knocked out my California friends in one shot this week. But I didn't know. Instead I am here until Friday and I ended up setting 3 meetings while I am in the DC metro area.
Heh heh....dick trumps chocha in my book every day of the week.
Silly I know.

Tomorrow is a lazy day. I think Pookie has some work to do and then we decided we'd go to the movies [princessandthefrog]...he is also bugging me about cooking him some cornish hen, so I suppose that I can't try and slip in another date...lol

So...about Pookie...this morning, while still in NYC, he asked me when my lease was up and I told him March. He asked what was I going to do then...if I was moving back down to the DC area. I told him I wanted to move back and felt that by March that would be a sufficient amount of time to now be able to move back with no drama. But at the end of the day, I can't say what I am going to do in March.
He was asking me all that because he busted me with the surprise...
"Well, if you move back in March you can move in with me."

I paused. I've always loved Pookies house AND he has a pool table downstairs! I mean I've only written about it about 400 gajillion times. But in the midst of thinking about moving into my dream house...I paused in the midst of my pause because... HUH?!!? Move in with you...

Now mind you, Pookie and I are just friends and I would be in my own room on a totally separate floor in the house and he gave me some ridiculously low price for a rent quote. The same room that I have been sleeping in everytime I come down here. I was surprised to say the least.
This is how I know that I am a decent person...I have good people in my life that continue to want do things for me without me asking for anything. To help me, to make my life easier.
Don't think I don't know, 'cause I do...I know you are all are going to be like...Bloop, he's a man! Of course he is going to want you to move in.

...but we are friends....just friends. Now, if anyone said that to me I'd roll my eyes and think..."how naive"...but nooo...really...we are just friends.
Yeah, I am laughing at myself. But I am serious!
I haven't, in any way possible, done anything to encourage a sexual or "relationship" situation...and neither has he!!

At this point I don't plan on moving in with someone, I plan on having my own place...but at least I have a backup option just in case.
And who is to say I would move back to this area anyway...

...but as I sit here in this big ol' comfy chair and he laid out on the couch...with the fire crackling in the fireplace...I sit here with my laptop while he is yelling at the Eagles to take this game from the Giants...it feels fucking comfortable...maybe a little too comfortable.

I have a box of Christmas cards I've had since 2007...I made my list of who was getting a card...and yet...they still sit on my end table staring at me. I think I have forgotten how to write in a card...anything!
I HAVE to send them out tomorrow...Saturday at the latest. Haaave to!

Dinner tonight consisted of a a glass of wine [I don't even drink zin but aunts left it]...and a huge tupperware bowl of cereal...ok, maybe not huge but it was way freaking bigger than a bowl.
Crazy part was that I stood in the cereal aisle for about 15 minutes trying to figure out what cereal I wanted.
Capt'n Crunch is my all time fav but them shits be tearing up the top of my mouth. After eating those I feel like I ate a mouth full of thorn bushes. Also, if you don't eat those extra fast, they get soggy...it taste like slime...like sperm in the mouth...like someone blowing thier nose in your mouth...or like the homeless guy hacking a loogee in your mouth.
But I loves some Capt'n Crunch, oh yea!

I am supposed to be cleaning, straightening up and changing sheets... Pookie is coming up from DC for the weekend. This is the first time that Pookie has stayed with me. I have a 1 bdrm condo...which makes me sound pretentious...it's 1 bdrm, shouldn't I just call it an apartment?? I am sleeping on the couch and he in the bed. This will be different, I've never done a sleep over where I slept on the couch. But we are friends and I am not in the one for effin' up a good friendship.

After I cleaned all the leftovers from Day of Thanks out of my refrigerator...it didn't look as impressive as before. Before it was full and had all these colorful tupperware/plastic bowls. Now it looks like a bachelor pad...I have a bottle of wine, 2 cartons of juice and some kraft single cheese slices. Whawha Waaaa.
I have more than that but still...
Even at the grocery store my basket had...
1. carton of eggs
2. 2 cartons of Haagen Daaz ice cream (pralines n' cream)
3. 1 tub of butter
3. a box of honey nut cheerios
4. 1 quart of milk (because I can't even finish a quart muchless anything bigger)
and 5. Fire Hott Cheetos

Last night I hung out wth Cleveland. We went to dinner and then ended up coming back to my place and we sat and talked; while my new Frank Sinatra cd played in the background. We talked about all sorts of things. I inevitably talked to much.
That's what happens to me when I drink red bull. No lie.
It's like there is this truth serum in it...not only that but some secret chatty Cathy serum too.
Red bull is the devil's baby cousin.

So...back to Cleveland. We talked until 2:30am when I finally told him he had to leave. Literally!

He say, "I wasn't going to stay."
I say, well, I laughed as I say, "No shit, I wasn't inviting you to say. If you heard what I said...I told you you had to go home."
He chuckled...sort of.


As he was leaving, putting on his coat, he turns to give me a hug...and then he goes in for the kiss. Now I have been spending sometime with this character while he's spending money on me...out of boredom because Sexy Chocolate still lives in Connecticut until January...so I figured I could give him a peck. You know...to be nice and shit!
What does this dork do...he takes the peck and then tries to put his nasty tongue in my mouth.
WTF Cleveland!!??!!
I leaned back and told him "uh-uh"...matter of fact I think I might have said..."oooh uh-uh!" Like Sheniqua from around the way...all I needed to follow it up with was..."no you di'int!"

I say, "what are you doing?"
He say, "trying to give you a kiss!"
I say, "not like that you're not. All right, be safe on the way home."

He was like...ooooh kkkkkk....
LOL
Maybe if I resembled a character on Family Guy like he does...we would be a perfect little dorky cartoon couple.
...budda...
I'm HOT.
...despite the age, the love handles, the greasy and grey hair, and my penchant to talk to myself and drop the eff bomb at random.

Tuesday I went to see college basketball at Madison Square. I went with another newbie. Let's say his name is Giancarlo. Giancarlo works for homelans security...has a nice little body BUT...he's Italian and not the dark and swarthy type...but the pasty white type. All was going good until he reached across the arm rest between us and took my hand in his. And then...he gave me the forehead kiss.
Now, I am a sucker for the forehead kiss... but not a sucker for the forehead kiss from someone who has thin lips and a eff'd up hairline like Tim Duncan.

Sidenote: This is crazy but here is something you need to know about me... I leave things that I shouldn't. That I have no reason to leave unless I am doing something I shouldn't be. I lost my belt. I think it's at the jacuzzi joint that SOS took me to. Man, I haven't had a night like that since high school. But back to belts...I've misplaced bras and panties too. Odd.

I am out...gotta go wash all those tupperware from Day of Thanks.

SIDENOTE again:"Oh snap, guess what I saw? Oh snap!" Please, oh please...is this what Biz Markie has come to?!


B~E~Z
*boys tickets are bought...they fly into Dulles and I am soooo happy. I am hoping that they bring some money since they are both working men now...shoooot, mama need help y'all*

I was wrestling with my purse when I answered. You know how these days, a woman carries around a suitcase trying to pass it off as a purse…well…that’s me. No lie, I need a damn flashlight to look in that bitch sometimes. I try not to put too much stuff in it because my left shoulder feels like it should belong to a gym-busting muscle man…can’t honestly say that’s too attractive on a 5’5 pocket-size chick.

I’m wrestling around looking for a pen…that has got to be in this purse which is more and more turning out to be a black hole. My focus was on getting the thought, the line, the verse, the story, down on paper before it disappeared from my mindspace. Like it usually does.

So…I wasn’t paying attention to what he was asking. I tend to listen to men selectively. I take it all in fast but only respond to key words…but reality is…everything sounds like blah blah blah to me unless I am concentrating…or care.
So without really listening to the importance of the question…
I answered.
But as I am excavating my purse…it hit me. His silence.
So I catch myself before I take pause. I can’t just stop and turn to him and try to smooth over the situation like warm honey on soft skin, so I keep digging for my pen.
I silently curse myself.
He’s such a sensitive and accommodating man.
However,
Damage is done at this point and as much as I’d like to make him feel better about the words I used [it’s always about semantics, is it not?]
I can’t.

“Do you like me?”

“On occasion.”


Ok…so here’s the deal. I could have said a lot more than that but really…if you have to ask then you probably know the answer.
It’s that 6th sense we grow up with…the one that keeps us from dismantling the wall.
He knows where I am but… He thinks or rather, wants to be the enforcer.
He’s trying to shut down my interaction with other men, and I admire his tenacity but…
I gave him the Bloopty handbook when we met…set out the rules in chapter1 section 2A and 2B titled What to Expect When You Shouldn’t Be Expecting, 2A. I am not emotionally available for long term so you best be mighty happy with short term and 2B. Don’t ask me no damn questions about feelings or intentions. Such as, do you like me, do you miss me, where do you see this relationship going.
He’s trying to make me dependant on him for my wants, my needs. Trying to buy me things…and if he’s not careful, I may take advantage of all that he has to offer…which is not who I am trying to be. I’ve turned over a new leaf so to speak…for lack of a better euphemism. I am not trying to use anyone…but he really needs to stop with all the offers…I mean damn…I can only say “no” for so long before I start saying yes, all the time and have him handing over his paycheck.
He’s inviting me to family holiday functions, which of course I am not going. And what is it with men taking random women around to meet their family members? Yes, yes…at this point…I am that random chick, well I should be. I sure haven’t proven myself worthy of meeting friends and family. Maybe for guys that’s not a big deal. Maybe.

…but yet, he still asks the question.

I had an answer for him…but it would have been a waste of breath.
A man doesn’t want to hear that he’s one of 7 on the roster. Hell…a woman doesn’t want to hear that shit either. There was no reason to go into that type of detail…especially with a man that I won’t kiss…and when I am with him, I make sure to put my hands in my pocket so he won’t reach for them as we walk, hell I do that even when we are sitting in the car. I am terrible at this dating thing right now

So my selective hearing only heard the words…I wasn’t listening to his question.

"Do you like me?"

"On occasion."

Sidenote: I know I mention this pic all the time but I swear I luvs Secretary. When she's master bating in bed and she's moaning out...cup of creamed spinach, 4 peas...it's priceless. Or when she's in the bathroom at work master bating and she is quietly saying...cock, mayonaise, excrement.

Assume anyone you meet is decent, thoughtful, and worthy of your time. You'll be right about most people, and the rest deserve a chance to rise to your expectations.
~~~~

Very flippantly and without much thought I said, “those that don’t like themselves, use other people without caring how the other person(s) will feel.”
He said that was profound and wanted to know why I thought that way.
I didn’t really have an answer. Most of what I say is because of what I feel and not so much about the definition of a word(s).

It snowed for the first time today. It didn’t stick but just to be standing outside as the huge snowflakes fell was sort of…romantically winter.
NYC is romantic during the holidays. Colorful lights everywhere. Scarves, gloves and people bundled up in their winter coats…shopping or off to meet up with friends after work. I got caught up in that feeling. I’ve been to two Christmas parties so far, with 3 more scheduled before I head down to Maryland. I swear, pretty soon these parties will start coming in November, Christmas parties are starting earlier and earlier in December.

I haven’t narrowed down my dating list. I was getting comfortable with one guy but unfortunately for him…I am not attracted to him. We have no chemistry…he’s just ultra nice. I have 7 men that are “around” but only one that I want for mine. Dealing with him requires a lot of patience…and I am not all that sure I want to be patient.
With that said, I have to buy 3 watches and 3 bottles of cologne for Christmas.

Related story…
I have always given men my favorite watch and my favorite cologne. For years it was a specific blue face watch from Kenneth Cole and Kenneth Cole Black cologne. Well until J.V. Vintage came out. Either way…there are quiet a few men out there with a flat square blue face watch from Bloopty. Well, I finally stopped giving out that specific watch because…Christmas of 2007 someone gave me the same damn watch (in ladies size), when I opened it all I could do was laugh. Of course, he didn’t know it and I never told him. I loved the watch. Obviously, if half the men I have dated have the watch…lol
I ended up leaving it over a guys house on one of my visits back to California last year. I’ve always wanted the watch but never got it back and now KC doesn’t sell that watch anymore.

I have until the 31st to decide what I am going to do with my current relationship/dating situations. I generally don’t like to take anything not needed into the new year, especially if it’s negative…which thankfully I don’t have to worry about this year. Matter of fact, I am so happy that I have given myself this time to purge myself of the past two years. I sometimes wonder if he had a chance to purge, considering he has a houseful, I doubt it. Oh well, those days of worrying about him more than I worried about myself have been gone for a long time.

Which brings me to a conversation that SOS and I were having… he asked how I just let go and left. With no call, text, emails…nothing. I didn’t know. But I thought about it and had to tell him that I guess I didn’t love like I said I did. That relationship was very much about co-dependency. He was happy that I had let go so easily, said he wasn’t sure what I was going to be like when I moved back here to NYC, if I would be a wreck. That was funny to me because I knew I would be fine the day I made the decision to end it. I have no remorse for the way it ended. I think I needed that experience to live a more unbiased life and insightful life.

“Life hasn’t been hard but the more heartache I acquire, less likely am I want to repeat the steps of love.”


After coming home early from the Big Apple Classic...
Here I am…sitting next to a different him, as we watch White Christmas on AMC. Wondering what he thinks of the dozen long stem red roses that are sitting high and pretty on my table. Wondering if he’s checked the card the last time I went to the bathroom…lol I hope not. I hope he just blows it off with an…oh well. After all, how jealous can he be if he's over here laid out on my couch Jealous men are not attractive to me.

I had some errands that needed to be taken care of. Now I can easily do them tomorrow but…I’am pushing it if I put them off...
I am stuck here on my couch watching TCM and hooking up with this contact info I have for editing, for this book I might write some day. With O’s announcement that she is going off air next season…I am now on a deadline to write a book and have it premiered on her Book of the Month…lol Instant successes after being on the BoM.
I’ve got work to do.

A friend of mine who works for a “celebrity” informed me that they wanted a female security person on their staff. Someone small, feminine and unassuming. I was like…umm, I could do that. He said it was easy-peasy, lemon weasy. Street clothes and able to travel with said celebrity as a “friend” or party “entourage”… Problem was I’d have to take some sort of training and also carry a gun.
Believe me when I say…you don’t want me walking around with a license to carry a concealed firearm.
I am not that stable.
And if I know that as fact…then he should take head and not pressure me about joining the team.
Just the thought of being able to carry a loaded firearm scares me. Like a bunch of individual razor blades, it makes my skin crawl. Not much does but knowing my instability and my tendency to black out…yea, I need not have a weapon within my grasp.

Dating:
Now I'd never say that men were falling from the sky...but...
...they be in abundance SON!

I had the date with Mohamed-the-Egyptian. He was nice looking, I suppose. The big turn on was his mid-six figures he made, the turn off was that he came dressed like he was going to his sons Saturday soccer game…not like he was going on a date. Obviously he hadn’t heard the old adage about first impressions. I definitely felt like I had put too much thought into what I’d wear.
In general, we had a good conversation but…he kept tapping his fingers on the table or bouncing his legs as if he were nervous. And then, he committed the ultimate sin, he answered his cell in the middle of dinner. Now I can understand (sort of) if it was a family member but…it wasn’t. He had a long drawn out conversation with a friend about a car he just bought. I got the impression that he didn’t date much but I had that impression before we’d even gone on the date. I thought it was one of the things that I was drawn to…but on further investigation…I’d realized that although he was a square, I knew that I was not drawn to squares without dating skills…I need a connoisseur of women, not a novice.
I ate my linguini and white clam sauce and drank my house shiraz…I contemplated ordering another glass but new that that would just prolong this date and that was something I didn’t want. I was thankful for the free dinner but…not thankful enough to listen to him babble on about his kids and ex-wife, I was ready to go home. I mentally remembered how to get to this little Italian restaurant and made a mental note to make this my new “date spot” since it was close to the homestead…and I told him as much, told him not to be surprised if he saw me in there on a date. He looked at me with the tilted head…and it dawned on him that this was going to be our last date.
…I was letting him go...setting him free on another unsuspecting woman that may or may not be what he needed.
Just as I was beginning to find him interesting, I’d lost interest.

Thursday night I went out with another Guy. He reminds me of an over protective big brother. No sexual attraction whatsoever, which means that I will, of course, draw this out much longer than I need to. Either he thinks I am pretty, need to be taken care of or capable of liking him in the future….because he is content to offer himself up for sacrifice, right now. We will see what I do with this Guy because it’s, sort of, clear that I am not going to make him my man in any sense of the word. The best thing for me to do at this point is walk away…

The Puerto Rican from 4 years back has all of the sudden found my number. This is the same guy that inspired my poem, "Ode to Dick". So, I finally said yes to a date tonight… only because I was horny and I was remembering how ginormous his dinga-ling was. But now that I am not as horny as I was when I agreed to the date…I am deciding if I am going to cancel the date tonight. I probably won’t but…he will not get any Saturday love from me because…

Sexy Chocolate aka Just Chocolate is taking me out Sunday night. And I have been silently saving myself for him. I have no idea why. It’s not like he is the best suited man for me. But isn’t that always the case? Isn’t it always the ones that you shouldn’t be with, that you want to be with?
We have dinner and a movie planned which to me speaks of being in a relationship for a while. As I have said before, dinner is not a date. We all have to eat and we all do eat…so taking me to do something that you have to do and do all the time is not a date. But…he is not the lounge type…he is the being at home and getting tipsy and fucking type. I like that type. But…I am more prone to social men who like entertainment outside of the home. He’s a homebody and as much as I want him for mine (but not me for his)…I know that I can get bored as hell real quick with a man that isn’t into the things that I am. That’s not to say that I won’t keep them around for a spell, just means that they have that invisible expiration on their forehead.
However, Sexy Chocolate is going to be my kryptonite. I feel it down in my very soul. I over-think the relationship that isn’t even a full on relationship yet. I get irritated when he doesn’t respond when I think he should and I am giddy as a school girl when he does. I am way to anxious for this man that is not my man…and that lets me know that I shouldn’t be drinking his poison…but I continue to want to be in his presence. Blah. I am a cruisin’ for a bruisin’ dealing with him. Well, at least I think I am at this point. Infatuation is a muthafucka.

And finally…Monday I have a date with my other favorite man who is not good for me. I had a dream the other night that I woke up in the early morning and rolled over and got on top of him to started kissing him…I wanted to have sex with him but liked the tension and intense kissing that was going on. I felt that I couldn’t get enough…like I wanted to take him all into me and make him apart of me. That was the dream. Of course, we’ve never even kissed…he may be a horrible kisser which would ruin the whole picture. Nothing worse than a bad kisser. We have a date set for Monday and I have yet to think of what to do. Men that are not planners, bore me. But as long as he is willing to pay for whatever I plan…I can get past the fact that I always have to plan every date. I’ve wanted Marc for mine since summer. And with the end of the year coming up…and his impending retirement at the age of 40…he will have much more time to spend with me…so he says. But I am thinking by the end of December (41 days away) I will have a new batch of men I am infatuated with.

Jealousy is a crazy thing. Last night…well around 430 this morning I heard some yelling and screaming outside. I looked out the window to see two men fighting and a girl screaming for them to stop. The only thing I could hear was the aggressor saying “Come with me now!” I don’t know what she said but obviously it was the wrong thing (or maybe the right thing) because he then said, “you gonna go home with his muthafucka?? You’re going to choose him over me??”

What pushed this man to be that jealous? It was scary to watch because he was trying to kill the dude. The dude that apparently was out with they girl, kept telling the aggressor that he wasn’t going to fight him. But the aggressor just kept running up on dude. I am not sure if he was crying but it sounded like it…his voice was just on the verge of being insane as he kept asking… “you’re gonna choose this muthafucka over me? After all the shit I have done for your ass.”

There is a song, I don’t know who it is by or even the title but the lines I do know are…

“I’d rather see you lying dead in my bed/Then see you with another muthafucker/That’s how much I care about you.”

I thought about some of the men that I had dealt with and wondered if any of them were jealous. Like crazy jealous. There have been some that were jealous…and I can imagine how shit could have gone all wrong had they’d seen me with another man. But there is only one that would have truly scared me. It wasn’t until after I had broke up with him that I learned that he had put his ex-wife in the hospital with broken ribs that I realized how close I’d been to ending up being another statistic.

FYI: I think it’s tacky to put pots or pans into the refrigerator. Put your leftovers in a Tupperware or ziploc bag and wash the damn pot.