Writing My Wrongs

In one month I have used 1,694 texts.
Now I don’t know if that seems like excess...but it sure as hell does seem like it to me.
And I have unlimited texting!
I mean… I spent 2,094 minutes on the phone…which means I was over only 400 minutes of talking than texting. I need to start talking to ppl more. Establish some sort of real life conversations. This technology thing is getting out of hand.

May 9th I will no longer be from Harlem World, New York City, New York.
Come August 2nd I will have lived in New York 4 years and 5 days later I will leave New York for Fort Washington, Maryland.

I was sitting and having lunch with my friend the Shark today. We were reminiscing about me coming to New York from California to visit him…how he gave me his credit card number and told me to buy a ticket whenever I felt like coming. He tells me has mad love for me and that was the first and last time he’s ever done that for anyone. You can’t deny that Cali love I tell ya! Makes you do shit you’d normally never do.
As usual, he tells me that if it weren’t for him, that I would have never made it to the city of lights…but because he wanted me here so bad…he put in the leg work to find me an apartment while I was still in California.
I had to remind him…my plans were already in motion before the leg work. I’d cultivated a “friendship” to make sure that I wouldn’t be without in NYC once I arrived. By chance, 4 men stepped up to the plate…and of those 4…3 are still around.
Admittedly, not in the same capacity…although…today, I sure wish they were…lord knows I need help moving to Maryland…and not just monetary but physical help.
I am still waiting for someone to step up…still…waiting.

We talked and talked and he reminded me of soem tings that I had forgotten...of which I had to let him know....he owes me big time for some things...yea, I'mma have to wait on that too.
Seems as if many ppl want to spend much time with me now that I am leaving...funny that. I can't accomodate everyone... So I will make sure that my last days are spent with people that I really considered a friend...someone that showed me and taught me things...someone that helped me become the Bloopty of New York!

New York has been a lot of things to me…and as many falling out of my seat from laughing so hard I cried moments…there have been times when I felt like the city had swallowed me whole and sucked out all the good juices before being regurgitated back out onto the dingy streets of Gotham.
My whole philosophy for moving to NYC was that…I could never look back and kick myself in the ass and say “I wish I shoulda or I wish I woulda…”… I did the damn thing and have memories aplenty to remember it by.

I have felt for some time now that it was time for me to move on…to change my scene to begin anew and step into the next stage in my life. I am ready. Scared…but ready. Unsure but still…ready. Come what may, I am living my life…and not just existing, thinking that tomorrow is promised. I godda try and find what’s good for me and live the life that’s meant for me.

The publisher of the book that I did the piece on my father… she called on Tuesday morning and left a voice message…
She was crying as she told me how the story touched her...and that the words that my father had for me…was speaking to her in her current situation. I cried as I listened to her praise my father and told me that I am lucky.
I’ve always known I was lucky to have MY father…and as much as I got questioned about it…as I’ve said before, I never missed not having a mother…my father was all the mother and father I needed.
It’s funny how I can …now, four years later, still use his words as inspiration…

“…There is no way that it could be a wrong decision. God may have brought you to NY to take you to Carolina, or NY may be your home – only you can plumb the depths of your inner person to discern the voice that leads you. Decisions are not financial, political, or cultural – they are always spiritual at their core. Of course ANY decision you make will be successful if you fully commit to throwing your heart and soul into the venture. I am a witness that the Universe honors any intentional decisions and rises up to be a partner in your ambitions.”

I am ambitious!

I had all kinds of topics to discuss...well...maybe not discuss but bring up. But...at this point...my mind has been at a stop light on this current situation with Dude.

I sometimes stand in front of my mirror and run my hands down along my naked body…
I am just tryna see and feel what they do… ‘cause they say I am soft…softer than most. Which has always been odd to me…because…what?!...they deal with a bunch of hard scaly women??? I thought all women were soft as butta and smooth as creamy satin.

So as I ran my hands along my thighs and curved around to my hips and my ass…I felt a little bump…and then another.
Two small bumps on the fat of my ass cheek… I turned around to look in the mirror…
Would seem that I have what looks like diamonds growing from my ass…
As I turned, the light hit them and they were sparkling abck at me as...I looked at my ass in the mirror.
How HOT is that?!!!

Turns out, little rhinestones had fallen off my nite cami and were now stuck to my ass where I had been sitting in the bed moments earlier.
I smiled.
Giggled even…

I liked it better when I was growing diamonds from my ass cheek. That was HOTT...

I sat the phone on the counter in my kitchen and proceeded to make the bologna sandwich… I had him on speakerphone…letting the caller drone on about whatever the fuck he was talking about. His conversation has become boring and …bullshit.

I am not done… but I am definitely done with this situation. He bores me and I can’t understand how gullible I was for some nice words and him always singing some bullshit song off key. Oh yea......he bores me.

So that is why, I set the phone down on the counter with speakerphone on…and proceed to make me a bolgna sandwich… not really listening…but catching random tidbits that I want to exploit. I am good at hearing everything you have to say...but picking out what I can to twist and turn, to fuck you up…not a smart tactic…but an effective one. Fuck him.

So he’s going on and on about friendship and what that means to him and I am realizing that all his friends ain’t shit and what he thinks is friendship is something masquerading as …not wanting to be lonely and out of the loop.