Saturday, September 20, 2008
RePost: Midnight Flight to...
How do I begin?Do I start off with the things that will make you laugh?
Or the things that will make you think "poor Bloopty, when will she learn?"
Well....since I am not one that likes to be pitied... I'll start by saying...
A few weeks ago, someone told me that I need to stop telling people that I am not girlfriend or marriage material.
Obviously I am. Although, in my opinion......
Apparently this weekend was the setup.
Bloopty played: "The Mark"
Setup line: "Come to Greensboro , I want to make you happier than anyone ever has."
...see, this is where I am at fault... I am not the sharpest tool in the toolshed... so I heard what he said but I didn't understand what he said... sorta.
Me being me... the ass... well... I just wanted the free trip. Yea, you know me... wasn't too much thinking about what he wanted because... well... because it's all about me.
Sunday rolls around...
He's a minister. A big church. Huge. Sorta bougie church with the basic congregation of city officials, university chancellors and the like...
Me? Not impressed because... well no specific reason but I grew up around a certain amount of siddity stuck up bullshit... so just because you’re from the country variety of siddity, doesn't make that sort of bullshit any less smelly. Plus, my church here in Harlem isn't that much better. However, I don't go to church to socialize, I go to listen, to learn, to de-stress and feel something that I can't feel anywhere else. Yea, it is that simple.
....back to church...
I get to the church and I am not at all uncomfortable about this awkward situation. I mean...I have dated men of "God" before....granted, not in public and I sure wasn't pulling up to their church sitting shotgun in their car... parking in a spot that is reserved for "Associate Minister"
...but because I know me and I know what part I am to play... I fall in to role easily and so it begins....
....and scene....
He introduces me to EVERYONE.
'Scuse me dude, but aaah, I may not be coming back... why the introductions everywhere?
So....what he had said was that we were going to go have dinner... for Mom's Day. So again...me being me...because everything is always all about me... thought it was he and I...but NO... "they" going to dinner too....
...and scene...
We pull up in the driveway of his grandmothers’ house....
his mother is there
his sister
his girl cousins
grandfather
his aunties
...and this muthascooter had the O-dacity to leave me in a livingroom full of women while he and his grandfather and uncles went out in the yard to smoke stoggies.
So, here I am...brand new and shit... and they are giving me the 3rd degree. They proceed to tell me what a great guy dude is and that Greensboro is a nice place to live to rear a family... *oh, am I planning on having babies?*
I just smiled politely...came across as an half witted air-headed chick... and as always... the standard line when I do that which perplexes someone is... "I'm from California "...as if that explains away every flaw I may have. Most people give me a knowing look as if California chicks are dunce.
I use it on occasions when I am dealing with real simple people... those people that are marginal.
Yet, today I am not dealing with simple... I am dealing with a room full of women that think that their male child is the be all...to end all.
*deep breath*
So during their 3rd degree...and also pumping homeboy up... all I hear is....
Blah Blah Blah
Now... a couple of things wrong with this scenario... most important being...
I came down on the free trip to get away... you know...
country= relaxing,
massages= relaxing,
him catering me= relaxing....
I didn't come for the wedding dress fitting, I didn't come to pick out wedding announcements...
I merely came for relaxation and a little...well, you know…MAYBE.
I can't marry this man!
For one mon ami....
I am a city girl! As much as I am a Cali chick 'til the day I die... I am just as much a city chick.
I know I complain about getting out of the city every chance I get...but that's all just talk. Just ramblings of a crazy and deranged mind... but deep down in my heart... I need the sirens and cars and shouting to lull me to sleep. I need to hear the jack hammer in the middle of the day just like I hear the horns from the angry taxi drivers. I need the film of dirt to cover my windows because of all the pollutants in the air.
I need to know I don't have to pull out the wagon and hitch up that ol' nag Ruthie May to carry me 25 miles to the next damn city...
Suffice to say... me and the country is just a nice thought.
A "what if" type of thought... but fa-reala... No.
Monday comes... after a night of wrestling... a night of attitude and a night of ... bastard ass behavior... I get up and tell him that instead of waiting for my 8PM flight... he can take me to the airport as soon as we get dressed. Why did that bastard sit around until 1:30 doing nothing but lounging on the couch? Mutha fucka…take me to the airport.
I’m tryna be as nice as possible because …well fuck, he bought my ticket. But weekend is done…and he…well he's done too!
Sidenote: I need to stop the story and explain one thing....
Men are men regardless of whether they are called to preach God's word. They are not perfect, they are not superhuman, they are not above all the rest, they are simply men that that God relays his lesson, word, teachings through. So, do not put them up on pedestals and think that they do not sin or that they do not fall short of the glory of God. They do...because again... they are men (humans). Granted, he should have more control over the desires of the world however, that does not mean that their footing does not sometimes falter. Give them room to make the same mistakes you make... you don't have to agree but you should be able to understand it.
...and scene...
...we didn't have sex. That wasn't the plan. That wasn't on the agenda.
However... other things may have happened.
I am going to hell for this next line...
IF I were to even think about marrying him...I wouldn't...because to be his age... he knows nothing about Colonel Angus
Exit stage left....aaaand scene...!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I'm Ready fro Some Football Dammit!!!
This picture was taken...3 weeks ago...maybe two....maybe four...who knows, I've lost track of my days.
This is me...and my saggy baggies.
But this story isn't about them.
It's about football... so sit back if you got a minute and ... understand that at the end of my story...you are suppose to sympathize with me.
LOL
~~~
I knew that I was going to be the odd man out…so to speak.
I don’t know too many ppl here and the ones I do know…well, they aren’t necessarily invited to my home. Besides Dude and my cousin…no one has been here and I haven’t invited anyone.
So Sunday was a day for football…and as my roomies told me…a fish fry/tailgating party.
Yippee…all I need to do is be around some military...some deltas…and listening to this other chick screech skee-wee for the next 4 hours. She claims she was representing since so many deltas were in attendance…but after 4 Yuenglings…that shit started to give me a headache. Funny how most I meet think to ask me if I am an Also Known As…I think I’d shoot myself in the head if I had to do that high pitch squeal everytime we got together. That’s no offense to Pro or 69…and anyone else. Like some white folks…I’ll profess as they do about blacks… “some of my very good friends are Also Known As”...
Back to me and the disturbance of my Sunday football routine…
So…I invite the cuz and Dude…knew cuz wasn’t coming because it was an adult only party…and she is still surgically attached to her 4 kids…oldest being 20 and youngest being 11. She needs to let go...but until then, I know she isn’t attending anything “adult only” unless I literally kidnap her. And since moi car is incapacitated right now…that ain’t happening. Actually it is not moi car…Dude has 3…and well, now he has 2 in his drive way and the other…well it sits in my driveway…but either way…it’s undriveable right now. I dented his rims by hitting a curb…and blew out the high performance tires he has attached to said rim…
And again…
Back to Sunday football…
People started arriving at 12:30 in what I thought was anticipation for the 1 o’clock game…food was cooked and crabs from the wharf were bought…two coolers filled with beer, champagne and they were doing tequila shots…
Me…well…I had the dip, I ate one crab, and I had some macaroni n cheese. I turned up the game and sat back for what I thought was going to be a day of football watching in my home…comfortable…drinking beer and maybe (not really) talking of some shit…
I am SO not a Redskins fan and take offense to any team named RED skin…with their fake headdress and offensive use of the tomahawk….same sentiments apply to the Kansas City Chief organization and fans.
I got half way thru the first game without any problems…but then half-time came and that my friends is where these muthaeffas lost it.
They started playing house music…LOUD!
Now don’t get me wrong I love house music…I do. But half time is over bitches and the game is back on and THIS IS MY MUTHA FUCKEN FLAT SCREEN AND I WANT TO WATCH THE GAME.
I didn’t say that. ::huge sigh::
I merely picked up my remote and turned that muthaeffa up. Fuck ‘em if they didn’t know what that meant… I had the rule over the remote control… I was the Queen of the remote control!
I think I may have raised some hackles on that because…said bitches moved to the office and commence to drinking more and talking more shit. Military group is in the kitchen hovered in a small ass spot watching the game on a 19 in. I am in the family room by myself and drinking to my hearts content on some Yuengling.
2nd game comes on and by that half time report…the guys have made their way into my domain. Now let me let you know what I had on… some beach shorts and a basic t-shirt that I wear over my bikini top when I don’t wanna walk around showing my tig ol’ bitties…and some white socks. I had just gotten out the shower and my hair was air drying so I was walking around with my hair looking like a bad Diana Ross wig.
I don’t know too many ppl here and the ones I do know…well, they aren’t necessarily invited to my home. Besides Dude and my cousin…no one has been here and I haven’t invited anyone.
So Sunday was a day for football…and as my roomies told me…a fish fry/tailgating party.
Yippee…all I need to do is be around some military...some deltas…and listening to this other chick screech skee-wee for the next 4 hours. She claims she was representing since so many deltas were in attendance…but after 4 Yuenglings…that shit started to give me a headache. Funny how most I meet think to ask me if I am an Also Known As…I think I’d shoot myself in the head if I had to do that high pitch squeal everytime we got together. That’s no offense to Pro or 69…and anyone else. Like some white folks…I’ll profess as they do about blacks… “some of my very good friends are Also Known As”...
Back to me and the disturbance of my Sunday football routine…
So…I invite the cuz and Dude…knew cuz wasn’t coming because it was an adult only party…and she is still surgically attached to her 4 kids…oldest being 20 and youngest being 11. She needs to let go...but until then, I know she isn’t attending anything “adult only” unless I literally kidnap her. And since moi car is incapacitated right now…that ain’t happening. Actually it is not moi car…Dude has 3…and well, now he has 2 in his drive way and the other…well it sits in my driveway…but either way…it’s undriveable right now. I dented his rims by hitting a curb…and blew out the high performance tires he has attached to said rim…
And again…
Back to Sunday football…
People started arriving at 12:30 in what I thought was anticipation for the 1 o’clock game…food was cooked and crabs from the wharf were bought…two coolers filled with beer, champagne and they were doing tequila shots…
Me…well…I had the dip, I ate one crab, and I had some macaroni n cheese. I turned up the game and sat back for what I thought was going to be a day of football watching in my home…comfortable…drinking beer and maybe (not really) talking of some shit…
I am SO not a Redskins fan and take offense to any team named RED skin…with their fake headdress and offensive use of the tomahawk….same sentiments apply to the Kansas City Chief organization and fans.
I got half way thru the first game without any problems…but then half-time came and that my friends is where these muthaeffas lost it.
They started playing house music…LOUD!
Now don’t get me wrong I love house music…I do. But half time is over bitches and the game is back on and THIS IS MY MUTHA FUCKEN FLAT SCREEN AND I WANT TO WATCH THE GAME.
I didn’t say that. ::huge sigh::
I merely picked up my remote and turned that muthaeffa up. Fuck ‘em if they didn’t know what that meant… I had the rule over the remote control… I was the Queen of the remote control!
I think I may have raised some hackles on that because…said bitches moved to the office and commence to drinking more and talking more shit. Military group is in the kitchen hovered in a small ass spot watching the game on a 19 in. I am in the family room by myself and drinking to my hearts content on some Yuengling.
2nd game comes on and by that half time report…the guys have made their way into my domain. Now let me let you know what I had on… some beach shorts and a basic t-shirt that I wear over my bikini top when I don’t wanna walk around showing my tig ol’ bitties…and some white socks. I had just gotten out the shower and my hair was air drying so I was walking around with my hair looking like a bad Diana Ross wig.
The rest of these women…obviously thought “fish fry/tailgating” meant we were gonna segue into a night out at the club. Picture this…45+ showing all sorts of cleavage and cellulite thighs with big ol clunky heels on. All Dude kept saying was… “that’s just nasty”…lol
I’m just sayin’….
This is my house and I don’t know you ppl and I am sure as hell not dressing up to drink beer and watch football up in MY house...on my couch.
So…as I find myself sitting in my family room…holding onto the neck of a bottle of beer as I munch on a chicken wing with the other hand… I notice that I have turned into one of the guys. They are talking to me like they think I know shit…and I can fake the funk for a minute of two…but…I don’t know names…unless they are old 1970 or 80’s players….but these new dudes…these young dudes…not so much. Partly due to…back in the day I was a football groupie…dated plenty of players along the west coast… but these players…well, they aren’t much older than my sons.
So I engaged in random convo for the space of 5-10 minutes…then I went on lock down and focused my eyes and my attention on the tv screen.
When I say that I am ready for some football… I don’t need others around.
I am just wondering if these people are going to be here until after the 8:00 game.
You see, I am trying to be social…even though I am at my most unsocial ability right this very minute. But thoughts of going to my room and shutting my door, locking it and turning my tv on and just fazing these ppl out…well, I am really trying hard not to be that chick. Really.
Now mind you…I am the youngest muthafucka up in this place…no lie. I am not in my element…altho, to be honest…I have no more element, no more swagger and no more energy….but I am trying.
SO as I sit here and listen to these people talk about shit that I thought school girls discussed…looked at these men and wondered if my husband or man was going to be this fed up with socializing and married life when we got to be their age…sorta makes me wonder…I sure as hell hope that isn’t me in another 10 years. It’s sad to see…
I’m just sayin’….
This is my house and I don’t know you ppl and I am sure as hell not dressing up to drink beer and watch football up in MY house...on my couch.
So…as I find myself sitting in my family room…holding onto the neck of a bottle of beer as I munch on a chicken wing with the other hand… I notice that I have turned into one of the guys. They are talking to me like they think I know shit…and I can fake the funk for a minute of two…but…I don’t know names…unless they are old 1970 or 80’s players….but these new dudes…these young dudes…not so much. Partly due to…back in the day I was a football groupie…dated plenty of players along the west coast… but these players…well, they aren’t much older than my sons.
So I engaged in random convo for the space of 5-10 minutes…then I went on lock down and focused my eyes and my attention on the tv screen.
When I say that I am ready for some football… I don’t need others around.
I am just wondering if these people are going to be here until after the 8:00 game.
You see, I am trying to be social…even though I am at my most unsocial ability right this very minute. But thoughts of going to my room and shutting my door, locking it and turning my tv on and just fazing these ppl out…well, I am really trying hard not to be that chick. Really.
Now mind you…I am the youngest muthafucka up in this place…no lie. I am not in my element…altho, to be honest…I have no more element, no more swagger and no more energy….but I am trying.
SO as I sit here and listen to these people talk about shit that I thought school girls discussed…looked at these men and wondered if my husband or man was going to be this fed up with socializing and married life when we got to be their age…sorta makes me wonder…I sure as hell hope that isn’t me in another 10 years. It’s sad to see…
Am I bitter...I'd say so...but I am for many reasons.
I finally gave up and left those bitches to their own devices…as long as it didn’t interfere with my game…and interfere with my sleep.
I woke up to a clean house and a whole helluva lotta beer and left over snacks!!
Oh…and for those Raiders naysayers…. We won, bitches!
I finally gave up and left those bitches to their own devices…as long as it didn’t interfere with my game…and interfere with my sleep.
I woke up to a clean house and a whole helluva lotta beer and left over snacks!!
Oh…and for those Raiders naysayers…. We won, bitches!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Do You Know
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that
life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?
Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughin' at the questions
That you once asked of me
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that
life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
Now looking back at
all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long
Before we'll see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that
life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?
Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?
Saturday, September 6, 2008
...and so it begins...
I thought with knowledge comes understanding.
I thought understanding meant being able to cope
... face what’s ahead
Let me say…I understand…I can see what might lie ahead…but I am not sure I can cope.
I am even les sure that I should have to cope at all.
I do know this however, that in order to maintain a sense of sane-ness…sane-like qualities…I am going to have to be insane for a moment because I know I am going to have to compromise myself in order to get past this compromising situation.
Plus, I think the situation actually calls for me to act crazy.
I don’t know karate…but I do know C-ra-zy.
So before I start down this path…let me offer this up in hopes that things do not get too out of control…
I thought understanding meant being able to cope
... face what’s ahead
Let me say…I understand…I can see what might lie ahead…but I am not sure I can cope.
I am even les sure that I should have to cope at all.
I do know this however, that in order to maintain a sense of sane-ness…sane-like qualities…I am going to have to be insane for a moment because I know I am going to have to compromise myself in order to get past this compromising situation.
Plus, I think the situation actually calls for me to act crazy.
I don’t know karate…but I do know C-ra-zy.
So before I start down this path…let me offer this up in hopes that things do not get too out of control…
