Friday, February 17, 2006
Jibber Jabber from January
I just sat down, practically ran here because I didn't know what time the next train left. Reflecting, had I looked at my schedule in my new Coach purse I would have known if I needed to rush or should I have left earlier.
I am slightly out of breath and hot. Too hot. If I could, I would take off my black pullover shirt and still have the white long sleeve shirt. You know, the one that always reminds you to ask me how much I weigh. Or whether I have started my diet. This is where I usually throw you a "fuck you" look, and you respond with a "What?" as if you have no clue as to the etiquette of telling someone they are a fat cow. Yes, no fear, I am laughing as I write this, you idiot.
Finally, I am starting to cool off. Listening to my sleek new black Nano that you bought me. Prince - I love Prince ~ Muse to the Pharoh. I have never even heard this song but I asked Jay to download some Prince songs.
My Nano is on shuffle. Each song having a different meaning, memory and thought. I picked my songs specifically for...me. So, as I am here finally relaxing, cathcing my breath and writing you...I am thinking about this title now playing...Sweet Lady by Tyrese. I always wanted someone to feel this way about me. Then again, that's how most songs, are they not? They speak to you when your own words are at loss to you. Funny how a beat, a hook, a verse, a chorus can convey all that you are feeling, wanting, wishing...Sweet Lady. You once thought I was THAT sweet lady. A lover for a lifetime. Matter-of-fact, that's why you chose me so early on, I was sweet. Sweet, pretty, fun...any of those adjectives are subjective. Realative to only those who use those words. Well - for a minute in time - I was your adjective. Now I am your noun. Stayed. Being...what it is - it is- what it is.
Ok, this woman keeps hitting my arm - maybe it will improve my handwriting. You mentioned to me before that you hate my handwriting. Funny how simple things can make or break a friendship, relationship, union.
Seems like I can never get to the train RIGHT when it's leaving. I always end up waiting, sitting, doing nothing but people watching. Wondering if other people are experiencing the same things that I am. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that feels the way I do - ever. You cheated me out of the happiness/euphoria that I had at the beginningof us. Well - I wonder if THEY feel that way about someone in their life. What secrets do stoic faces...clenched jaws, lowered lids hold? I have a plethra of untold stories, unheard reasons of why or why not. Things that I am sure I have never experienced, other things that I have experienced over and over...never learning my lesson...or maybe liking the lesson a little too much. HA! When people look at me - what do they see? Would it be a happy or indifferent person? Would be a stable and focused or more like a personality that is careening out of control - no breaks - on a hill?
The last time we had sex ... was different.
Funny that even though I am hurt, drained, confused...you stay on my mind all the time.
Constant would not even explain.
I am slightly out of breath and hot. Too hot. If I could, I would take off my black pullover shirt and still have the white long sleeve shirt. You know, the one that always reminds you to ask me how much I weigh. Or whether I have started my diet. This is where I usually throw you a "fuck you" look, and you respond with a "What?" as if you have no clue as to the etiquette of telling someone they are a fat cow. Yes, no fear, I am laughing as I write this, you idiot.
Finally, I am starting to cool off. Listening to my sleek new black Nano that you bought me. Prince - I love Prince ~ Muse to the Pharoh. I have never even heard this song but I asked Jay to download some Prince songs.
My Nano is on shuffle. Each song having a different meaning, memory and thought. I picked my songs specifically for...me. So, as I am here finally relaxing, cathcing my breath and writing you...I am thinking about this title now playing...Sweet Lady by Tyrese. I always wanted someone to feel this way about me. Then again, that's how most songs, are they not? They speak to you when your own words are at loss to you. Funny how a beat, a hook, a verse, a chorus can convey all that you are feeling, wanting, wishing...Sweet Lady. You once thought I was THAT sweet lady. A lover for a lifetime. Matter-of-fact, that's why you chose me so early on, I was sweet. Sweet, pretty, fun...any of those adjectives are subjective. Realative to only those who use those words. Well - for a minute in time - I was your adjective. Now I am your noun. Stayed. Being...what it is - it is- what it is.
Ok, this woman keeps hitting my arm - maybe it will improve my handwriting. You mentioned to me before that you hate my handwriting. Funny how simple things can make or break a friendship, relationship, union.
Seems like I can never get to the train RIGHT when it's leaving. I always end up waiting, sitting, doing nothing but people watching. Wondering if other people are experiencing the same things that I am. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that feels the way I do - ever. You cheated me out of the happiness/euphoria that I had at the beginningof us. Well - I wonder if THEY feel that way about someone in their life. What secrets do stoic faces...clenched jaws, lowered lids hold? I have a plethra of untold stories, unheard reasons of why or why not. Things that I am sure I have never experienced, other things that I have experienced over and over...never learning my lesson...or maybe liking the lesson a little too much. HA! When people look at me - what do they see? Would it be a happy or indifferent person? Would be a stable and focused or more like a personality that is careening out of control - no breaks - on a hill?
The last time we had sex ... was different.
Funny that even though I am hurt, drained, confused...you stay on my mind all the time.
Constant would not even explain.
# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 12:04 PM
