Writing My Wrongs

He asked me if I was going to get a tat with his name.....huh?
What do you mean...
Your name permanently on my body for all enternity?
Huh?

I have 2 tats...
The one below...
...and one even further below on my left side above my pelvis bone...

Had I to do it all over again...
I wouldn't have.
I think it fucks up the eye-flow...
Eye-flow? you ask...
I know a couple of men (lol) who have the most beautiful skin...color...texture...it would be a shame to put ink to needle to skin on any of them. Yet, it's not just them...but people in general. Flawless skins is a beautiful...without impeding it with a permanent ink.

Plus, this particular tat has the tendency to show my lack of biceps...fuck! Good thing I am back in the gym...lol

You know what I hate...the "tramp stamp" that I see so many women getting.... the one they think is sexy on the low of the back...or top of the ass...however you want to put it. I guess because so many women have one...then they wear those low cut jeans or shorts and show you half their ass to show off their tat. So unlady-like....so...tramp-ish. Then again that's a whole other blog about the degredation, manipulation, and and any other "ation" that has to do with females showing the whole world shit we don't need to see....like the crack of your ass.

Sidenote: This grown ass woman sat in front of us this weekend at the graduation and she had allher ass showing...behind her sat a little boy...granted, I am sure he wasn't trippin' off her ass crack....... Still...your a fucking grown ass woman...why do you feel the need to show off your thong and your ass...at a graduation, much less anywhere????

Another thing that bothers me is getting "tribal bands" and not knowing what the fuck it stands for...which goes hand in hand with chinese symbols. I know I sound like my shit is tight....but like I've said...if I had to do over I wouldn't have gotten any tatoos...
BUT
I did
...and when I did it held some significance to who I was...am.

Indian feathers with beads on a leatherstrip the color of the african flag......signifying my dual ethnic background...half native american and half black.
The other held NO meaning...got it on a drunken night in Long Beach visiting some sailors back when I was 16...stupid shit we do when we are young.

Sidenote: My daddy never saw that tattoo until I was in the delivery room with my first son when I was 20...."Bloop, when'd you get that tatoo?" Bloop, "Huh?" LOL

........The Itch proceeds to tell me what kind of tat he would get....
A sexy alley cat dressed in a cowhide skirt and halter top with a indian headband...below it would say ... My Sexy Alli Cat

So you put alot of thought into this huh?
Your 43 years old...to fucking old to be thinking about getting tats at this age...that's like all of the sudden deciding your gonna try weed and becoming a weed head....idiot.

Don't get the tat.

I've been strategizing this whole "Bloopty Stop Cussing" campaign...so I decided to put up little jars at work and at home. Everytime I use sailor verbiage...I throw a dollar in the "pot"... I know your like...but it's your money! Yea, and I was planning to actually pay off some bills with my pot of over flowing cuss words....... Well I cheated last night and took out some quarters to wash clothes. Thing about it is...I drop off me laundry usually...me do laundry? Get the fuck heck outta here! Yet, I like to wash my own rugs...so...I stole some quarters from my cuss jar and washed my rugs. Oh shut up!!!!
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I completely missed out on telling you about my last 3 weekends and here we are approaching another one...so since I am NOT going to tell you about three weekends in a row I'll give you the synopsis:
1. Surj spent the night
3. Went to see Melvin Van Peebles Ain't Suppose to Die a Natural Death
4. Spent the night over The Itch's house
5. Surj spent the night again
6. Had a date with NotSoSure
7. Spoke more with Julian
8. Found a new blogger buddy who shall remain Anon to y'all
9. Went to GA
10. The Itch saw evidence of another man and all hell broke loose (is that vague?)
11. The Itch is going to DC for 4 days and I can already see that he's gonna be playing his "getback" card because of what happened.

I told NotSoSure that I have some unfinished business and that I would not be available to him...for dates or conversation. He took it in stride as I knew he would but then he said a stupid-man-thing, "Call me if you need my body...no strings attached!" Whatever bitch...we've never had sex...so what made him think that he'd be the first person I'd call?

Today was one of those days that my mind and body did battle before 5AM... it's now 9:05 and I am drained from the outcome. My mind won't rest. Well, it won't rest at the same time as my body. There are so many things going on in my head that I never truly feel rested. I was speaking to my HR Director yesterday...I asked him if I should be sending out my resume...he didn't say yes...he said he was. Great...so now I have to revamp my sorry-ass resume. I think this will push me to go back to school. Can I live off a part-time job? Hmmmm.... No, I don't think so. Maybe a night job to keep myself out of trouble and go to school during the day? Yea, I see this is going to require more thought. I am checking out job postings here.


I didn't have sex at the gym silly people. I worked-out at the gym and got sweaty...Got out of the shower, looked in my bag and noticed I forgot to bring an extra pair of draw'rs...hence, walking around for the rest of the afternoon...panty-less. The actual "get down" went down with TI this past weekend in GA. Actually, it was the night before he left for GA and once in GA while his mama was downstairs *heeheehee*

My daddy will be in Virginia this weekend for a conference...I was debating if I should take Amtrak down there and see him....still debating on that.

I will be going to LA in July for a friends and family picnic. I remember the first time I went. It was a warm Friday evening when I jumped upat 9pm and decided to take a drive down to LA by myself from Oakland. I called myself being spontaneous and figured I had nothing to do so I decided to take the scenic route down the coast on Highway 1... through Santa Cruz, Monterey, San Simeon by Heasrt Castle, taking the 17 Mile drive through Pebble Beach... now for those of you who don't know...Hwy 1 is a long and winding road along the coastline of California. It's beautiful........and dangerous at night.....in the fog.....no cell service..... I could not see the hood of my car once the fog started rolling in off the Pacific ocean. A couple times I almost drove off the cliff. There are no guardrails along some of the portions of the highway *I think that's on purpose*

Sidenote: I love the Geico gecko. I don't care what you think....I think he's cute and I wish I had a talking gecko.

I finally got to LA 3AM in the morning...a drive that should have take me 4 hours ended up takingme 7 because of the damn fog and damn Hwy 1. I drove back via Hwy 5...through the grapevine route. I arrived in LA and cruised my way to Long Beach to my friend Sandy's house....it's a he. The plan was for me to sleep on his couch....didn't happen. His brother was there and I ended sleeping with Sandy....well, I slept on his bed with my clothes on....he thought because of the hour and he thought I must be delirious....that I would give him some of my sweet sugarcane....I didn't...so this bitch had the nerve to jack-off in the bed right next to me when he thought I had fell asleep.....Dirty Muthafuckin' Bastard! I got up and left at 4:30 in the morning with no where to go and nothing to do, so I drove my way around LA...up to Magic Mountain, down to Hollywood, over to Santa Monica, back up on Sunset, through Echo Park and to Compton, through Pasadena up to parts of Altadena to a house I lived at in the hills.....until 9:30AM, when I stopped at a Howard Johnsons out at LAX and got a room....... Slept for 3 hours, took a shower and went to the picnic....and met a guy from Oakland there....who I ended up caravaning back to Oakland with and later dating..... SO yes, this year I am going to LA for the Friends & Family picnic to find me some new ass...as I may be looking to moving back to Cal. *WHEW! that was a long paragraph*

1. The Itch broke up with me last night
2. I spent my MDW in Georgia
3. I went to the gym for the first time...since I joined 4 months ago
4. I am currently wearing no panties under my skirt because of said impromptu visit to gym
5. I've been fucked thoroughly....and past satisfactory
6. Seemed like he had a point to prove
7. I hate greasy french fries
8. I'm going to have to fight for something I initially didn't want
9. I think my job is going under
10. I need to start looking for another gig
11. I planned to go to MI next week
12. That's not going to happen
13. Should I cut off all my male friends?
14. Even the ones that are just my friends?
15. I weigh 150
16. For my height, I should weigh 125
17. How much do you think I should lose?
18. I'm going to slow down on the blogging
19. I fear I am about to be accountable for alot of things
20. Things that I thought were my own
21. Yes, my own! Here on the world wide web...lol

........OK.....

I can admit when I have been greedy...held onto something that has long since passed it's expiration date...

What expiration date?

The invisible date I stamp on someones forehead when I meet them.

Like...

Brooklyn was only suppose to be a 3 month summer fling... he's still calling me a year later.

BowieMD was only suppose to be that one trip...he's coming up here this week, GOOD thing I will be in Atlanta.

JerseyJay...well he was actually suppose to be my man...fa real.
Hoodie from the Bronx was suppose to be until I got settled in NYC.

Dre was only suppose to be an experiment...I've been invited to go to Jamaica in August.

Co-oP was only suppose to be until I got that wallet...yet, I wanna at least try it once!

Lite Eyes was only suppose to be a friend...A FRIEND!.....well, he's not really a friend...or anything else.

T.I.M. was only because I was lonely...he's lonely so he hung on.
...and a list of many others...my taste has been diverse.

I let them sit around and I kept checking on them....I guess seeing if they'd start to rot and grow foul and say, "forget this chick, she's not giving me what I want"....and bounce. That didn't happen.

I never got rid of them...just let them sit in the back of my mental frig...let them clutter up my mind with shit I thought I needed at the time....sweet shit...now that shit is foul.

but now...I've pushed so many to the back...placed the "New" and "Fresh" upfront so I didn't see the clutter in the back.....now...NOW when I am feeling the need to get with New and Fresh...I smell the stench of expired bullshit....

...with the phone calls at uncomfortable times (while on a date), with the text messages (that shit cost me 5 cents a word...or something like that), with the eCards...the eFlowers in my inbox, phone calls at stupid times of the night (I rarely give permission to call me after 10!), with the back to back IM's/phone calls....

It's time to throw shit out and clean my mindspace (thanks Juuuleeeaaaan), make way for the new flavor of the month...week...day!

Tonight, I'm letting muthafuckas know that I have no space left ... Ok ok ok...maybe not tonight...but by this time next week...I will have cut my stink in half.

I'm out!

I am in another blog rut...don't feel like blogging right now...so I will leave you with some miscellaneous bullshit to get you through your day. I snatched this from IMWM...
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Fiddy Things About Me:

1. How tall are you barefoot? 5′4 and 3/4ths so go ahead and count that as 5'5

2. Have you ever flown first-class? Of course... Do you need to even ask ME that? lol

3. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

4. A good restaurant in your city? Have so many favorites. Bar 89/cheesecake, Bayou/Steak au Poivre, Chirping Chicken/duh!Chicken, Down the Hatch/Atomic Wings, Minado/Sushi Buffet, Awash/Sambusa,

5. What is your favorite small appliance? My flat iron

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My boys, mainly my son CTA

7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? I Wonder As I Wander...gee, I wonder why? lol

8. What was the first music that you ever bought? My Radio - LL Cool J

9. Do you do push-ups? No, I wear them!

10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Tetherball

11.What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Mac N' Cheese

12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? The same thing I wanna be now...A Rich Man's Wife

13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Lobster Bisque

14. What in your life are you most grateful for? My kids and my daddy

15. Have you ever met someone famous? I've met some entertainers, athletes & political heads, CEO's & Presidents.... but the most famous person I met...was my grammy.

16. Date Of Birth? 2/16

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: He better give me some money while I am on this trip/ I am tired of the bullshit/ WTFuck haven't I eaten lunch yet?

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, Arizona Green Tea, OJ, fake OJ (Sunny Delight), coffee

20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? Then the net. News junky.

21. Current hair? Straight

22. Current worry? I'm leaving to Atlanta and I have no money

23. Current hate? Hate? Hate? I am highly irritated by bitch ass people...but hate? No hate.

24. Favorite place to be? Where ever it's warm

25. Least favorite place to be? Where ever it's cold

26. Do you consider yourself well organized? Yes

27. Do you believe in a afterlife? I believe I die...what happens after doesn't matter

28. Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? I better be married to that I guy I thought about when I was 12....

29. Do you burn or tan? I tan

31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Optimistic

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Yesterday...Flyin' Gorilla @ Cheesecake Factory

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Sing...what?! Not thinking about singing, I'm trying to get outta that mug before the water turns cold

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? Crazy WB's and WG's My dad had alot of death threats when I was growing up...being a politician and black and due to the fact that the klan didn't take to kindly to that

35. What’s in your pockets right now? 50 cent...the change not the rapper

36. Last thing that made you laugh? The Itch

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Holly Hobbie (shut it up!)

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I twisted my ankle once

39. Favorite song? I Wanna Get Next to You by Rose Royce(Carwash Soundtrack)

40. How many TVs do you own? One

41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? The boys, my daddy, and a few others

42. Last thing that made you blush? He held my face between his hands, looked into my eyes and said...You sho is cute...wuss wrong witcha?

43. Best Compliment received? That I have a calming spirit

44. What song is in your head? I'd Die Without You by PM Dawn
Is it m turn to hold you by your hands
Tell you I love you
And you not here me
Is it my turn to totally understand
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing
If I could get away from the feeling that I feel
If I have to sacrifice what ever baby, whatever baby
If I have to take apart all that I am
There’s anything I would not do

Since I would…Die without you
Since I would die without you

45. What is your favorite book? The Living Blood by Tananarive Due

46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Veggie omelette, toast and grits

47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? Not getting married

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Another One Bites the Dust by Queen I know it's sorta sordid but...imagine everyone singing this, maybe not out loud but y'all would be mouthing the owrds and heads would be bobbin' and it would be hilarious ...
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? Picture if you will....a horny 36y.o., a silver bullet, and some videos

50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I'd like to accomplish happiness, contentment and all that other shit

Lustology: The Study of Lust
....so I have been thinking that his need is secondary to my want.
Yet, it's now or never...so I stand at the precipice of lust.....so I am gonna have to study this hard....become a lustologist if you will...

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Me (5/15/2006 3:03:44 PM): nice name
Me (5/15/2006 3:03:47 PM): Julian
Julian (5/15/2006 3:03:51 PM): Thank you.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:03:57 PM): My mother worked very hard on it.
Me (5/15/2006 3:04:00 PM): it requires that i use my lips and tongue
Me (5/15/2006 3:04:06 PM): like a kiss
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:10 PM): yes.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:13 PM): and wow.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:20 PM): Say this sentence:
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:32 PM): "Lick a leaf and your tongue curls and coils"
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:40 PM): feel it in your mouth?
Julian (5/15/2006 3:04:48 PM): The sentence makes you do what it says.
Me (5/15/2006 3:04:50 PM): yes i do
Julian (5/15/2006 3:05:07 PM): When you say "lick" and "leaf" youu do lick...
Julian (5/15/2006 3:05:16 PM): and tongue curls and coils does just that..
Julian (5/15/2006 3:05:22 PM): Very sexy sentence.
Me (5/15/2006 3:05:28 PM): yes it is
Me (5/15/2006 3:05:37 PM): lick and leaf....that's the part i like
Julian (5/15/2006 3:05:40 PM): I like that you are concious of how your mouth moves..you will be a pleasure to talk to.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:06:04 PM): I am the same. I love language. Love the way it feels in my mouth.
Me (5/15/2006 3:06:26 PM): i think i'm more tactile...i take pleasure in touching
Me (5/15/2006 3:06:58 PM): i'm like a kid....i run my fingers over everything...and i rub, carress everything as i walk by
Julian (5/15/2006 3:07:10 PM): lovely.
Me (5/15/2006 3:07:11 PM): so i think it applies to the feel of the word in my mouth
Julian (5/15/2006 3:07:35 PM): yes.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:07:46 PM): I know. I knew.
Me (5/15/2006 3:08:03 PM): i knew you would
Me (5/15/2006 3:08:14 PM): king cone is licious
Julian (5/15/2006 3:08:37 PM): licious and luscious I'll bet.
Me (5/15/2006 3:08:44 PM): lol
Me (5/15/2006 3:08:50 PM): wher is your mind taking you sir
Julian (5/15/2006 3:09:00 PM): Your mouth.
Me (5/15/2006 3:09:08 PM): lips, rolling, gliding, touching, and luscious.....
Julian (5/15/2006 3:09:12 PM): Because of what you said I don't see you eating the cone...
Julian (5/15/2006 3:09:30 PM): I see your tongue caressing every ounce...
Julian (5/15/2006 3:09:53 PM): cream rolling it litlle sweet rivultets down your tongue and your lips hugging the hard choclate shell.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:10:07 PM): I'm a very visual creature...
Me (5/15/2006 3:18:47 PM): juuuulllleeeean
Julian (5/15/2006 3:18:48 PM): inaccurate I'm sure but nice.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:19:04 PM): wow.
Me (5/15/2006 3:19:12 PM): ?
Julian (5/15/2006 3:19:19 PM): I like the way that "sounded"...
Julian (5/15/2006 3:19:33 PM): you draggiing my name across your tongue like that.
Me (5/15/2006 3:19:34 PM): lol
Me (5/15/2006 3:19:51 PM): that's how i did it when you told me your name
Me (5/15/2006 3:20:10 PM): told u....you feel good in my mouth
Julian (5/15/2006 3:20:35 PM): I would.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:20:47 PM): My mouth feels good too.
Me (5/15/2006 3:20:59 PM): oooo
Me (5/15/2006 3:21:00 PM): ok
Julian (5/15/2006 3:21:06 PM): yeah.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:21:11 PM): I just go there.
Me (5/15/2006 3:21:20 PM): i c ur taking this somewhere else
Julian (5/15/2006 3:21:32 PM): Not obsessed...just...a frequent visitor.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:21:43 PM): Forgive me if I was too crass.
Me (5/15/2006 3:21:50 PM): frequent visitor...in there?
Me (5/15/2006 3:22:09 PM): you were...but...i'm use to it
Julian (5/15/2006 3:22:14 PM): the dark warm places of my mind.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:22:40 PM): I mean my mindspace.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:22:56 PM): I write erotica so I very easily see the sensual nature of the banalities of life.
Me (5/15/2006 3:23:55 PM): erotic i'm not but sensual i am...every dealing between male and female can easily turn at the use of words
Me (5/15/2006 3:24:05 PM): ... just a man
Julian (5/15/2006 3:24:08 PM): There is the faint film of subversive sexuality layerd over most evrything in life.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:24:15 PM): It can be beautiful.
Me (5/15/2006 3:24:21 PM): not offended in the least
Me (5/15/2006 3:24:29 PM): i helped you get there....
Julian (5/15/2006 3:25:09 PM): all hold a hidden layer of sex within them.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:25:16 PM): Just a little suggestion.
Me (5/15/2006 3:26:03 PM): most things
Julian (5/15/2006 3:26:23 PM): They hold the suggestion of sex.
Julian (5/15/2006 3:26:28 PM): That's what I meant.
Me (5/15/2006 3:27:49 PM): i know
Me (5/15/2006 3:28:44 PM): so...mr.julian....tell me things about
Me (5/15/2006 3:28:46 PM): you
Julian (5/15/2006 3:29:04 PM): ask me questions...

........should I even ask y'all? No, I won't. I like it and you don't know why. Not even sure if I do. Well, I do but I don't want to...huh? Yea...that's how my mind works...my conversation....
I know what I mean...could care less if you do.

TODAY
Julian: I am single...
Julian: otherwise I had better be watching the little innuendos I make, yes?
Me: would be nice...however...human nature...when intrigued...takes over
Julian: there is that
Julian: are you seeing anyone?
Me: yes
Julian: ah. so you are unavailable...
Me: depends...unavailable for what?
Julian: well now you're asking me to give a concrete goal.
Julian: I'm not sure I have one.
Me: ok...then it would seem that i am available...?
Julian: available to what?
Me: for nothing concrete...?
Julian: we're dancing now. mind my steps.
Me: we are dancing
Me: we've been dancing
Me: we're in sync
Me: we'll proceed as we've been doing
Me: no?
Julian: of course.
Julian: you remind me of someone.
Me: someone you liked
Me: alot?
Me: how do i remind you of her?
Julian: little things.
Julian: I do not wish to tell you because you will become "aware" and with that awareness will come the end of magic.
Julian: So I prefer that you just be you.
Julian: and tickle my fancy either on accident or on purpose.
Me: i understand....no problem
Me: ...and so you know....I am ALWAYS me
Julian: without knowing that you're doing what you're doing when you do it.
Me: i know what i am doing...when i do it!
Julian: I know you do.
Me: lol
Me: how do you know?
Julian: Because you called my names and spread it over your tongue last night before we got off.
Julian: you did it with definitive purpose.
Julian: You wrote it like a pre-orgasmic moan...
Julian: knowing full-well that it would churn up something in me.
Julian: Fill me with a desire to HEAR you say it and not just read it.
Julian: You knew.
Julian: ...and you did it anyway.
Me: ....maybe I did it for me.
Me: To feel you in my mouth again.
Julian: maybe. But you knew what it would do to me.
Me: ...and let you know I wanted to feel you...
Julian: it's ok.. Allie...I lick you everytime I speak your name.

I rarely speak of my family and I wasn't today but...I received an email from my daddy....and Mother's Day coming up...thought it relevant to speak on my family today.

My dad just got back from Tibet on Tuesday. He's always going away to far away countries, coming back with wonderful tales about his journey. My daddy is the type of person that always has the right word for the right sentence for the right message at the right time. He's very descriptive and because he's a risk taker and lover of life...he always has some major adventure to talk about. His stories always have great detail...I don't see how he rememebers all that stuff...as I can never remember what I said a half hour ago. Alzheimers runs on my grandfathers side of the family...I hope that it passes us by. Because my daddy has lived a good life and it would be horrible if he were to forget any minute of it.

My mother and father got a divorce when I was one years old. I lived with my daddy all my life up until I got married in 1991. When I left my husband back in 2000...I went back to live with my daddy (for awhile).

I can not rememeber a time when my daddy hasn't been there for me, encouraging me and telling me how proud he was of me. I grew up with alot of love in my home.

Now...I kid about it all the time but I truely believe my dad wanted a boy. I say this because...I didn't play with Barbie dolls, no easy-oven quick bake things, no stuffed animals and I was harldy ever dressed with ribbons and bows.
Me? I had a softball mit, a bat, jeans and Chuck Taylors, marbles and slinky's, Nerf footballs and soccer balls. I hung out with my dad and all his friends... going camping, fishing, roadtrips, Sunday morning pick-up softball games in Resevoir park (for 7 years), skiing, hiking, helping to change brakes on my dads 3 Carmeingia's...I was his road-dog....his little homey...his shadow.

I rememebr the first year of "school"...it was a head-start program in Salt Lake (I was born on my "indian" reservation in Utah, my dad went to Weber University...so my first years are in Utah)... My dad was a political science major and while going to school he had a part-time job...
I say this to say, in all of my elementary schooling my dad has never worked more than 5-10 minutes away from my school (I suppose that's why I went to 7 elementary schools)...he always wanted to be close to me should something ever happen. Now, my dad had 9 brothers and sisters but when I came along (let them tell it), I became more important than anyone in his life and he counted on no one when it came to my well-being.
I would say it was a little unnecessary but it was all a learning experience once he had full custody of me at the age of 21, he was a young black man faced with having to bringing up a 1 year old daughter. We in a sense were growing up together.
Because of that...I am sure I experienced alot of things that I am sure he would have never exposed me to, had he been older. Yet, my daddy was and still does have the philosophy of "life is to be lived not watched from the sidelines" and "don't be a spectator in life...be a player", so every journey he went on...I was there as his little shadow to see it as well.

I never really understood the hype behind being this man's daughter...or who he really was at that time, in that place... he was always jsut my daddy...my protector and now my bestest friend.

My daddy was heavily into politics...the makings of laws, the injustices to those in need and the revolutionary ideas that he had and wanted to implement. It wasn't until I was an adult did I see him as something more that just my play-partner, my pain reliever, my money-tree, my boo-boo fixer...ect. He became a part of history.
In high school I was surprised to open up a history book in class and see my dads name in black in white and being taught about. Granted it was a paragraph or two...but all in all...who opens a history book in class and reads about their living father?

My father has always been there for me. From my first words, first walk, first day in school, first date, first boyfriend, my marriage, my divorce and even now from 3000 miles away I recieve an email from him this morning to let me know he is ok. He enjoyed his trip. He can't wait to visit me next month.

Slish asked me last night why I don't talk about my mother..or write a story about her.... my response was...

I don't have a story to tell.
The last time I saw her was 6 years ago...for an hour. Before that it was 10 years...for about an hour.

The only mother, father, sister, brother I've ever had or wanted was the one and only father I have. He's been all that I've ever needed. His love has covered me, wrapped me in comfort, covered me in security and has been all that I ever needed. I have always been proud of him and proud to be his daughter.

So all of my Mother's Day accolades have gone to the only mother I have...my father.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY DADDY!!!

...get up off my ass!!!!

I hate taking the damn subway!

Dirty muthafucka...pushed his she-ite up on my flass (flat+ass=flass) I tried to move forward but could barely move an inch....he moved with me.

GET YOUR DICK OFF MY FLASS!!!

I finally just moved backwards and conveniently stepped on his foot with my 4 inch heel....

I looked back with a smirk on my face... "oh, escuss me senor"

He backed the fuck up off my flass.

That'll teach him!

Dirty bastard!

Today I had to bring my cue stick and my computer bag...AND my purse. During rush hour on the A train...not so good of an idea to have all this stuff. For 1. I ALWAYS have to stand on the morning rush hour A 2. My cuestick inevitably pokes someone in areas they don't want me or my cue poking them 3. My right shoulder is fucked up, so all my bag weight is on the left shoulder...and now that hurts.
The reason I had to bring all this bullshit to work is because:

Ye ain't ridin' (ye ain't ridin')
Ye ain't bumpin' like I'm bumpin'
Ye ain't sayin' nothing homie
Ye ain't fresh azimiz...

My team and I made it to the play-offs for pool!

Which if we succeed...will have us playing for the next 3 nights. Now I KNOW that's not gonna happen but at least we made it to the first rounds.....and to be truthful...I didn't think we'd make it THAT far. LOL

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Between the Dick Stike I am on and the Bitch coming to town...my shit is fucked up. I have been snapping and irritated by everyone. For everything.

Started on Thursday. Thursday my co-workers TOLD me I had to hang out with them for drinks after work. I really wasn't up for it because I knew that I was meeting with Surj at Uptown Lounge @ 8. I didn't want to start my drinking so early in the evening because I know how I am....by 9 I'd be ready to go to sleep...and hanging with Surj.....it was meant to be a looong enjoyable evening.
Well these chicks were serious...."whatever plans you have can wait, YOU. ARE. COMING with us"...... damn ok biotches!! If one of them wasn't the CEO's right hand...I'dda told her to eff off...ok, I wouldn't have told her that but I'dda implied it ....strongly!

So off to The Campbell Apartment for drinks. The only reason I chose this place was because it's still on the eastside (to reach Surj) and they have nothing but rich white men in there...and I am still on my quest for The Rich White Man. It's my undercover spot that I would never take ANY of my mens folks to. The co-workers wanted to go to Sapa but that's the meatpacking district and I have limited funds so taking a taxi from there to Uptown wasn't happening, I'm trying to stay on the eastside..... Sapa is the spot that the little jamaican is gonna take me for my birthday dinner he missed in February, also for forgetting about our plans for comedy at Harlem Grill on Sunday *humph*
Anyway, we sit and talk and talk and talk ...when I realize...I forgot to eat today!!! You ever have a day where you say...Let me finish this one project....After this phone call....Hold on let me fax this off then I am going to get something to eat. That's what I did...time just kept going and going and before I knew it....I was sitting in a bar drinking 3 mojitos and realized...I forgot to eat today!!! Da hell! You all know how that is....empty stomach + alcohol = tipsy chick. And to make matters worse....I was almost late...so I text Surj, tell him I am running late and then hop my ass on the 6 train and head to 86th...to meet my Next Joyride.

I arrive and I love Uptown...but he wants to leave because they are showing NBL and he wants to watch NBA.......so we head to Bounce. Greeat, young barely 21 year olds and loud ass rock music...my type? Not so much. Attitude sets in and I am livid...livid?....naw, not livid...but HIGHLY aggitated! Surj get's the silent but loud ass message that the game is over for him and he better get me somewhere quiet and dark before I call it a night and head back to my spot...

We head to 103rd...his side of town and up the hill and down the hill and now we are in this apartment..... hmmmmmm, if this man didn't look good in a suit I would leave his ass right here right now with his hard as dick. Which brings up another subject...why if I accidently brush up against this man does his dick get hard? Now, I know I am da she-ite, but damn...I kiss his neck...hard dick, I hold his hand...hard dick, I reach across him...hard dick, I say his name...hard ass dick. What's that about? Fa real...answer that for me.

But, he's nasty..and I LIKE IT!....so he gets a pass. I DID NOT fuck him...sorry...make love to him. Wanted to, but didn't. He licked my hand...the palm...with his full tongue. He sucked and nibbled on the insides of my wrist and elbow....who the fuck told him I like that shit!!! I gave him the Secret Chinese Handshake...gave him the full body massage with nary a stitch on either one of us...then I fell asleep with my bare ass on his bare dick...

Neither one of us slept well. I know I know I know I shoulda just did it....but I told y'all....my attitude right now is all fucked up and as much as I wanted to....I just didn't want to. FUCK YOU if you don't know what I am talking about. Y'all are dealing with a very complex individual here.... well, complex and slightly confused. (actually Iknow the reason why but that's another blog)

I know I've already cheated by just being in this man's presence...the dinner, the bars, the Mets game...and now his house with no clothes on.....but somewhere in the back of my twisted illogical thinking....I haven't actually cheated if I haven't let him insert his dick....have I? Aw, shut up... I am not commited to any ne person so it's NOT cheating.

I got up on Friday morning with an attitude. No sex, no sleep and now I have to go home and change THEN go to work. UGH! I suck (and I don't mean literally this time, I mean figuratively)

Friday night was dinner at the Sugar Shack with The Itch (aka TI) It was such a nice night that we walked the 7 blocks. Harlem when it gets warm is LOUD. Everyone is out, it's always busy, music blaring, cars everywhere, kids playing on the sidewalk, dudes tryna talk to chicks... It was a nice walk... walks like that always remind me of Brooklyn. We use to always go walking on the warm nights when it was too hot to be indoors. Or sit out at the South Street Seaport and get the lite breeze from the water. We walked back and I was telling him on the way back that I had a headache and that I was sleepy....setting the tone of how I wanted the evening to go....me comfortable at home....and him....comfortable at HIS home. He got the hint...only after I walked him to his truck instead of to my door...lol I figured I am seeing him on Sat and spending the night...I could be an itch like that... He went home. I went upstairs.......and got a call from the little jamaican...........

Oh hell, I am headed to The Den with my 6 friends...ok, well 3 guys I knew...the other 3 were...newbies. I sat in the car after they all got out and made the necessary goodnight call to TI, to let him know I was headed to bed.....then I sauntered in The Den all slow and shit to make sure I got a look at every muthafucka in there ...than saw my table of friends....but before Imake it to my table, who should I see....he reaches out to grab my hand and I am like...fuck! Now what bitch ass story it this muthafucka gonna tell his boy about Bloop walking into the spot with 6 dudes and I am the only chick there......................who da fuck cares! Eff him and his crooked letter friend!!! I had fun with the flirt group and went home and was good in bed before 1 in da mornin'.

There, of course, is more detail to this evening out with the 6 dudes...like dude that said "fuck you muthafucka" to the cops. Or dude working the whole table of chicks... or the major cockblocking going on (had me all up in the corner like...yo, cain't no one even see me over there *eye-balling you sideways with my lips all twisted*), or dudes wearing matching jeans with matching white button-down shirts...one in a smeadium and the other one in his daddies shirt. Or botton barrel bitches walking around like they are cream of the crop...I ain't hatin, just merely statin'!

Saturday......basic "married" life stuff. Ya know, running errands, running to the mall, went to dinner. Sunday was the same until around 3...then it heated up again and I had one more bitch-ass "date" and a potential newbie for the team called in to let me know he is interested...and ummmma, I might be too...depending how Surj and I work out.

That's it for my weekend in review. Get backatcha on Thursday.

a trail of broken hearts.


She'd been doing some thinking this weekend. She'd been selfish. Uncaring and unfeeling. Thinking of herself. Her wants and needs. Rarely giving in to what could have been, something good...great.
She collected hearts...literally. Yet, everytime she told people that, she tended to get an adverse response... "I bet you do"
She wondered if it was done unconsciously...but she collects hearts...figuratively too. She has a list of those who've said they loved her, who've asked for marriage, who've even given her rings. She has a list of people she just played with...never taking their feelings seriously.
Not sure she wanted that title. Not sure.

"It's because I'm not black, isn't it?"

"The fuck you get that from? You say some really dumb shit sometimes!"

"Just seems like you make all these excuses that really don't have any validity and then you expect me to not question it. I don't get you sometimes. Matter-of-fact, I don't get you MOST of the time."

"Look if you were going to start in on me you should have warned me...I might have some "better" excuses for you." He knew that she didn't find that funny but hell, he' s tired of this shit from her.

"You are a complete and utter asshole. I didn't come here to argue, I came to make love to you. Yet, you and your guilty conscious has you defensive for no reason! I don't know why the fuck I even came over here."

"Look, don't cuss at me no more, don't talk to me like that! I don't know what kind of men you fucked with in the past but Shay, don't disrespect me...ever! And I don't have a guilty conscious for shit I've done. We are not a couple...you ain't my woman. So I don't have anything to be guilty about. And don't try to use that psycho bullshit on me. This is the shit I am talking about." as he walks towards the frig for a beer. "Your always coming up with some supposed theory about what you think is fact, you didn't even take psychology in college, yet your ass is always trying to analyze something that is nothing!"

"At least I went to college." She knew as soon as she said it that he was going to slap her. She used the coffe table as a barrier, yet knew that wouldn't stop him if he wanted to reach her.

With the beer half way to his lips, Dominic looked at her sideways and said, "What did you just say?"

In a shaky voice she was trying to control, Shayla said, "You know what? Your right Dominic. You. are. completely. correct. AND because you are right...I am going to leave you." Shayla picks up her purse and keys from the coffee table, "Leave you for all the reasons you just stated. You are doing me no good and I am doing you no good."

"Wait wait wait, baby...what the fuck are you talking about now?" Dominic's mind is racing because his rent is due and he was going to ask Shayla for the extra $400 he needed, so he knew he had to come up with something fast. Shayla stopped with her back to him at the door, one hand on the door knob.

"Come here Shayla, come here baby. Why do you always have to push shit to the limit and then expect me to not respond the same way. Girl, you know I care about you, want you next to me...." Dominic walks over and hugs Shayla from behind, around the waste and kisses her on the neck. She refuses to turn around and look at him but now that his hands are on her, he knows he's got that rent money within 2 hours at the most. He knows with some kisses and nice words, he's got more than just the rent, also some spending money for him and his boys to go out tonight.

Dominic was amazed at how easy manipulating her was. Sometimes he hated it because somewhere in the core of his jaded heart he DID have a soft spot...Shayla just seemed so naive, it MADE him want to be nice to her sometimes....but he knew he had her for one reason and it definitely wasn't because she was marriage material. She was his bank...his paycheck. She was good for nothing more than money and fucking.

After all, his mama would shoot him before he ever put a foot on the porch if he tried to bring Shayla home for Sunday dinner with the family.

"Baby, you know I don't want anyone else but you and it bothers me that we argue like this. You being white has nothing to do with you not coming to my family reunion. I just don't get along with my family and I don't like them muthafuckas in my business. Hell, I'd probably have to fight my cousins and uncles 'cause of you....your so fuckin' delicious, all the men want you."

Shayla knew Dominic was full of shit but she gave him all her weight and leaned into his chest. "Dom, you know I love you right? You know I would never be ashamed of you. You need to talk to me like the 34 year old man you are and stop talking to me like your some ignorant 25 year old no-nothing kid....we are adults and we need to have adult conversation. If I come to you with a problem, with a concern...I expect you to be there for me. I know your not my man...but as long as your big dick keeps sliding between my legs...your goning to respect me...respect me because I am a woman, respect me because you lay your body down with mine, respect me because I have honored you WITH MY body. You keep treating me the way you do, well...I just won't allow it."

Dominic got real close to her ear and in a low quiet almost deadly whisper and a I-gotta-let-this-bitch-know voice, said, "Allow? Baby Shay, you'll allow any fucking thing I want, when I want. Your mine! And if you ever try to put yourself above me by referencing your college degree again, I'll prove to you that you are mine, to do as I wish with. And you won't like it."

He turned her around and roughly lowered her to the floor and fucked her from behind. Whispering how good she felt and telling her she better never let another man touch his pussy.

Shayla half listening and loving his words knew that this was just a reprieve...he was trying to prove a point...a fruitless effort. Yet, as her knees were starting to get rug burns she screamed his name as his seed filled her up.....Never realizing that Dom fucked her just like a dog, raw, on the floor by the door with his pants still on and her panties haphazardly pushed to the side....he just wanted her money...and when that ran out...he had already set his sights on her bestfriend Amy. Rich bitches...birds of a feather....

So I met up with Surj and I'mma tell you...this guy is my next adventure...my next joyride.
I met up with him at Grand Central so we could take the 7 train to Shea. I was and still am sick so I wasn't that talkative and you know what....he didn't question me. I was carrying my computer bag so my shoulder was hurting, he was a good 35 minutes late from our scheduled time, I'm sick and I am hungry...so I was brooding. Bloop brooding is not a good sign for a fun evening. Matter-of-fact, at this point it's suggested that you not speak to Bloop, but if you do....DON"T ASK HER WHATS WRONG. I can usually get over whatever little irritation I have after the first 5 minutes of me being silent. I don't like being mad, I hate being irritated and I rarely hold grudges....so just give me my space to collect myself and everything is fine.

Men generally don't know how to do this. They want to "fix" whatever problem you have. That bothers me tremendously.

Surj took my black and fuchia computer bag and carried it, gave me a hug, kissed me on my nose and held my hand. Nothing else. No questioning me, no probing, just acknowledging that he knows I am not feeling well and in the best of moods. He holds my hand as he talks to his co-worker and his girlfriend. Every once in a while whispering in my ear that he's glad I came.

Am I just so starved for affection, that his simple actions are making really dig this guy?

This is only our 2nd date. Yet we are very...in sync. His co-worker thought that we had known eachother for awhile...yea we have, is a while is one week. LOL I learn more about him than I did on Sunday of course. Like his sense of humor is dry as hell but funny. So far I like it. Yet, somewhere in the back of my mind....I know this isn't gonna last long. I am ok with that too. I told him on Sunday about my "semi" boyfriend. He hesitated. No questions (which I love), just a look...a kiss on the neck and a "we'll come back to that subject later in depth". I can deal with the..."we'll come back to that"...better than a lot of questions. For one, if I am here with you slurping up your saliva and contemplating going home with you....don't question me about my feelings for another man. That's just dumb. At the game however he did make 2 faux pauxs...both which included the "semi". Does that mean curious, jealous? Not going to worry about it...just gonna go with it. After all...it's not like I plan on having sex with him anytime soon...it's not like I plan on ever inviting him over to my spot...not like I plan on this turning into anything meaningful.....after all, I have a "semi", I can't do too much....or can I?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know y'all like her...and I like her too. She's pretty as fuck and if I was a 6 foot dude I'd probably try to holla.....if I had Jay-Z's money! Bud-da I am tired of going to Nets games and seeing Beyounce's stupid little bitch clap. Bitch, your man is part owner of the freakin' Nets...they are in play-offs...everytime the team makes a fucking basket your ass is suppose to be on your feet!!! Granted she is there and I have gone to 6 games this season and she has been to every single one...so she gets kudos, props for that...yet this is play-offs and this game is neck-n-neck....crowd is going crazy...get yo ass up and scream like a mad woman! While your at it...order some nachos and drink beer out the bottle yo! Let the mustard drip off your hotdog...order an icee...

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My couch finally arrived yesterday...I likes it. My ass didn't order the extra care of having them scotch guard it....so when the delivery guys dropped it off...one of them left a drop of sweat on my couch....now microfiber is soft as a baby's ass...my ass....and I got it in a cream color....so I was about to lose my mind when I saw that drop of sweat.....ffffuuuuuKKKKKK, I should have gotten the protection!!...now I'mma have to spray that shit down my damn self with scotch-guard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I told my boss today that he needs to learn to swallow before he talks to me. His words always sound...wet. Also slurpy-like....S-W-A-L-L-O-W!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surj and I are going to Blondies tomorrow to watch NBA...I was thinking about packing a bag. Yea, yea, yea...I am falling for the line of "I want you to sleep over. When I say that, I mean just sleep. It would be nice." I believe it partly because I WANT to believe it...and partly because I ain't fucked in 4 and a half weeks now...and counting. LoL Actually I ain't fucking him bud-da....I am down for giving him a handshake and letting him feel that brazillian wax I just got yesterday, with his tongue. Told you there is something about this man.....Plus, he's lonely...he just moved here from ATL and he needs to make new friends...LOL

ALTHOUGH, I heard that ATL men are the biggest downlow men around. After all, isn't Atlanta the gay mecca of the black community? Maybe I won't pack a bag...I'll jyust put in an extra pair of panties, a toothbrush and some deodorant inmy purse...heeheehee

I talk so much shit....really I do....half the time I have to look at myself with a raised eyebrow. Y'all don't really believe all the stories I tell you....do you? heeheehee

::UPDATE::
Surj did a No-No...a no-no....a no-no last night.
He Dialed While Drunk
He went out and had drinks at a fundraiser with some friends and called me to tell me that...with all the women there, he can't stop thinking of me. He thinks of me at work, at home and when he's out with his friends. He told me that he caught himself staring off into space at a meeting while "daydreaming" of us hanging out this weekend (umma, I'm with the Semi on weekends...weekends are my "married" time)
He told me more than I wantd to know.
He expressed himself thoroughly.
Ok, now I am a little cautious.
No handshakes and no feeling anything with his tongue.
THIS man REALLY is lonely. He just broke up with a girl that he had for 3 years, before he moved here in January.

ok ok ok ok....I was just telling someone yesterday that you should never repeat the things said during a drunken phase....so I must act on my own advice. Bud-da, I reeealllly want to kow the answers to somethings. We are still meeting up tonight, I will let him open up if he wants to. Until then I will act as if he never called and spilled out his guts to me.I know what it feels like for someone to constantly re-tell EVERYTHING I said while I was drunk... (little jamaican)

I think I will do a partial week in review then weekend...Starting with Wednesday.
I am the muthafuggah and I can't be stopped. I played pool, as usual on Wednesday night and won this guy who is one of the best. I didn't win by major games...just one...but a win is a muthafuggah win regardless....6-5. From there I met up with a first date...we'll name him...NotSoSure...'cause obviously...I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. He had some very feminine ways...his hand gestures and his walk just totally threw me off. We ended up having a GREAT "first" date. I took him to my spot by the pool hall called Rai.n...it's my usual "meet-up" place after pool. He's very educated (as they usually are) and lives in the Bronx with his 10 y.o. son. I was feeling sick and I wasn't dressed appropriately, so I know that I started off a little stiff....warmed up after having an appetizer. I think we were at the restaurant talking for a good 2 hours. He then took me uptown and I haven't bothered talking to him since. He emailed me a couple of days ago....but...oh well. I wasn't really interested in him as potential but more as a friend so, at some point I will call him.

Thursday night I was suppose to meet up with the tall jamaican but I cancelled on him at the last minute. Due to a phone conversation that I had with the little jamaican. SO rather than lead the tall jamaican on...I told him that we should reschedule for another time. I don't really care for the tall jamaican but he is a great conversationalist. He seems sincere. Again, he seems like a nice guy and he must be a great cook because he has been trying to cook me brunch, lunch or dinner since I met him. If only Jersey wasn't so far away...lol Went home and took my yella ass to sleep.

The "crew" took me out for lunch again on Friday. We went to Co.ppola's on the eastside.

Sidenote: EVERY single time that I have gone out with the bosses....they ALWAYS order 2-3 bottles of wine. Today we had a bottle of Chianti. I am sick, almost all of the sauces on the pasta have a creamy base and I am taking Claritin AND Dayquil AND I AM DRINKING WINE!!! I'm all fucked up.

Either way, it was a decent way to spend an afternoon at work, went to lunch at 11:30 and didn't get back into the office until 2:30....naw, I'm not complaining. Friday night I took TI to Earl's Afro for the first time. My treat. It was a clear night to look on the lights of the George Washington bridge and of the shoreline of Jersey. The 'Fro is owned by the Knicks legend Earl Monroe. It's very clever how the menu's have the feel of backetball's....the whole place has a lot of character...and a great place for "impressing" that sorta special someone. My first thought was to take TI to my ultimate favorite spot down in the village called Cuba....I just love the feel of that place and it helps that they have thee best cuban food around but I wanted to keep it close to home. Rob the bartendar/server was our waiter. I told TI that I thought Rob was gay....that was just my hater side coming out because the last couple of times I had gone...Rob never even tried to look my way...so that MUST mean he's gay...lol Although, right after I tell TI that...Rob made a comment to me about wanting to make sure that he keeps a smile on my face since it's beautiful....*yea, I was blushing like a school girl* I was surprised that TI didn't take exception to that...then I rememeber the whole..."he's gay" comment...LMAO

Saturday Ti and I went to the Univ.erSoul Circus at Pros.pect park. I loved it...I AM a big ol' kid, so what??? Although, the chick that was taming the lions kinda got happy with her whip...didn't too much care for that and apparently neither did the lions. They kept growling at her...their translation: Keep fucking with me woman and see if I don't take a bite out dat ass! LOL
From the circus we headed to lower Manhattan to the Tri.beca Film F.estival street fair...was jam packed...we got out of the truck and walked MAYBE 3 blocks...got something to eat and turned back around and headed to IKEA in Jersey... (we have been some travelling mofos today...he came from Mt. Vernon to get me in Harlem, we went to the circus in Brooklyn, went to street festival BACK in Manhattan then headed to New Jersey to IKEA)...I was shopping for a dresser but ended up getting a rug, a pic for my bathroom, a plant for over my sink, 2 hotdogs and a cinnamon roll. Back in the truck to Harlem....

Sunday I was suppose to get up and go to church. Suppose to. I got up around 11 and met up with Nik for brunch at the G-bar...ggrrrrrreat! You should really try it out. Nik and I left there and headed down to H.ue-Man's book.store...I have been waiting for this day all month...H.ill Har.per was doing a reading and book signing. This book in my opinion is a must read for all young men...and if only a MAN would give it too his son, nephew, brother, grandson...would make reading this book even better. The title of the book is Letters to a Young Brother: MANifest Your Destiny.
I bought my two boys copies and had them signed by Hill (like we're on a first name basis..lol) with names and all. I know that if I ever decided to sell my copies on eBay that I would get more money for them if they WEREN'T personalized but I wanted the boys to take ownership of this book...make it theirs....and let them know that this book that was signed for them, by the author..has a message just. for. them! While at Hue-Man's Nik and I ran into ANOTHER author...Dr. I.an Sm.ith, author of The Black.bird Pa.pers (a must read for your library)...he spoke to us about his new book...which I sorta took exception to but I knew that he was just trying to promote it, titled The Fat Smash Diet. I JUST wanted to say hi and tell him I liked his book...I wasn't trying to have a full on conversation with him...not like I was with HILL....lol I was looking into Hill's eyes all deep, trying to make him really see ME. Didn't work...brotha had a gang of books to sign and I was just the first of maybe 50 and he had a good hunit to go...so he was looking and smiling at me but I saw what he really was thinking..."chick, move the eff on so I can go home"...lol Either way...what I had waited for all month was fufilled within an hour and a half and now it was time for me to move on to my final first date of the weekend....Surj is what I am going to call him...for y'all my reading audience...Surj is the guy I met last week when IMWM and I got a little tipsy and my good friend Shamus felt up my legs.Surj and I had decided to meet at the Di.ve Bar on the upper westside because we wanted to eat wings, drink beer and watch the games (NBA and baseball) for the rest of our Sunday afternoon...so I headed up there in my personal car service (ala gypsie cab) I got there an hour before he did because the book signing didn't go on as long as I thought. I am sitting in this all pink people bar and not drinking anything....I have been sick...as y'all know so alcohol really didn't sound all that good. However, I ordered some nachos and thought I'd put some weight on my tummy before I became a lush for the afternoon.
Surj walks in and walks right past me. Grreeeeaat. I just watch him as he walks from front to back of bar and finally...he sees me. His excuse...I went straight to the pool tables because I know you like pool, thought you'd be there. Uhuh. He rushes me threw my Leiderman's Framboise which is almost sacriliges because that's $9 a bottle (YES, for beer!)...so he got the mad screw face. He needed to pick up his bag from a friend at another bar called Mo's on the eastside...great. We head over to Mo's in a cab...I am feeling like this is going to be eat and go home type of date...because we discussed where we were going and now he wants to change up in mid play....normally, I wouldn't have minded but I have to remind y'all once again...I am sick...and trapezing all over Manhatty is NOT what I wanted to be doing on a Sunday evening....however...Mo's is the shiiiite! I didn't eat anymore because well...y'all know...however I ordered two drinks...one was a raspberry margarita and the second was a passion fruit margarita....they both tasted like...plain ol' margaritas. They were good though.
Surj is gonna be my new jump-off once I start having sex again. There is something about him that makes me want to suck, lick, fuck, kiss, swallow every aprt of him. It's not in how he walks, talks or even his look...it's osme sort of aura that has me attracted to him....pheromones were loose and outta control. I knew he could see it in my eyes everytime I looked at him...but fuck it. Having sex with this man is inevitable. However......Right now....I just want him to feed me and take me places...like tonight...we are going to the Met's game at Shea stadium.....look for me I will be sitting behind the Met's dugout. I am not up for the complicatins of sex right now...I just want to have fun.
Tuesday I bought tickets to the Nets playoff games and Wednesday pool and so starts the cycle ALL OVER AGAIN.

Ciao for now biotches!!!!!!