Writing My Wrongs

I was in the Du.ane Re.ade picking up my monthly refill and there is some sorta complication...they are trying to charge me $37.50 for these damn pills! I ain't even fucking that much anymore these days and now you trying to charge me an arm and a leg for the antidote from the P virus (read pregnant). Eff that..y'all better check my insurance again!
$5 now? Ok...I can swing a 5 note for some protection. lol

So as I am standing at th pharmacy register I am perusing the shleves and I do a double look at this new and improved shit!

When in the holy hell did they start selling vibrating rings in a Du.ane Re.ade?...(DR is equivelant to Walgreen's or Rite Aid.) I am thinking when was the last time I actually bought some real condoms. Y'all know I can't do latex, so I go to my standard spot and pay a bitch out my ass for 6 polyurethane condoms. What normally cost y'all $9 cost me $21....fucking sucks but if the kitty is gonna be all swollen and red from the basic...then I have to accomodate her and get the above-basic and shell out damn near close to $35 for lambskin.
So, you know me shopping for the random Trojans isn't even on the radar...but when I saw this I was like...daaaaaamn. The kitty might just have to go back to being pinker than normal if I can try this shit out. I remember the first time my beau used one of those rings..... it was a good night. That's all I am saying.

So as I am looking I have to take out my cell so I can show you all the things that you can find at DR without making a special trip to the adult store...
I came upon this next.
It's feminine arousal fluid!! Hot damn. You mean I can swell and pulste without him doing any of the work? Not sure if I should be all that excited about that after all...shouldn't he do SOME work? Lazy bastard should have my kitty contracting and uncontracting...ready for the big kahuna to enter the waters.... BUT, on nights when he is sleepy, or had a long day at work...or has a full belly, more like stuffed himself like crazy with his greedy ass... I can pull out Zestra and have my way with him without him moving a muscle..... Hmmm, I should keep this secret to myself. Don't need that wanker thinking that he doesn't have to put in work with the cooch!
I am thinking what in thee hell could I possibly find next? Could there be more to be found in Du.ane Rea.de than I thought? I thought it was for hair grease, band-aides and a quick run in and run out spot to get necessities. I didn't know there was a full-on sex shop back at the pharmacy register...I would have probably made my way back there and purused the aisles more often. No damn wonder there are so many women coming from the back with little knowing smiles on their faces as the try to stash their bought items down in their purses as they leave the store.
Da hell have I been missing out on?
I've been missing out on these!!!!!

FRESHENING CLOTHS!!!
So all this time that me and The Itch have been fucking in parking lots, on a quiet tree-lined street late at night and him fingering me on the SawMill Parkway... I've been getting out of the truck all soaky thonged and all...and I could have had THESE in my purse to whip out and fresh up? AND...they come with 3 premium condoms? Do they not think of every damn thing??? I am sure that I thought that on numerous occassions... "why don't these things come with wipes for women?" I know I've said that to someone....it's a no brainer. Yet, here I am looking at my invention on the shelves of Duane Reade... I've been carrying around my little home remedy stash that granny taught me how to make...but here it is in a combo pack...