Writing My Wrongs

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
No matter what they say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
________________

Left mid-morning to go get my nails and toes done. Sitting in the nail shop I am relaxed because pedicure is first and this chicks hands are soft as butter. She cleaned up the piggies and then proceeded to massage my legs and my calves.....DAMN THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE HEAVEN (*sorry about using shit and heaven in the same sentence.) I love massages...any type. Back when I was ballin' (LOL) in California, I use to get a massage once a week...every Friday night around 9 or 10 @ night...yea, I know IT WAS HELLA LATE!! That's how I liked it, 'cause I like to be able to go straight home and to bed while I am still relaxed and as long as my massuese was ok with it...hey, who am I to complain.

Nothing like having a 2 hour massage and being able to just lay in the moonlight with soothing sounds of jazz as you get the kinks kneaded out of your body, extremeties and neck.... Doesn't hurt that my massuese was a man...not JUST a man...A beautiful wonderful man. His name was Nathaniel and the first time I met him in BofA...I wanted to frishnuk his brains out right at the teller window. Naw...I didn't do it! Dammit!
He talked to me, liked my hair color...said I had a nice smile then proceeds to give me his business card. Game recognize game...nice how he complimented me and then told me about his "craft"...what women wouldn't WANT to call him!?! For whatever reason, I didn't call him for 2-3 months after that. Finally, during the dead of winter (California style)...was freezing and raining out but I had been stressed all week...just needed someone to get this knot outta my back (without thinking that they were gonna get some ass afterwards)....told him what hurt and he said he could fix it....
My very own Mr. Fix-It-Man...well Nate...come and fix dis shit BABEEEEEE....lol

Recap:...massage, moonlit massage studio, freezing rain out, fine ass man who whispers french words when massaging my fingers........aahhhhhhhhhh*sigh

So, I asked for an hour massage...turned in 2 hours..he charged me for one and I tipped him heavy for the extra time....from that moment on...I became a regular.
Every week I went in for my one hour massage that lasted for 2/3 hours. If I hadn't called him to set an appointment by a certain day...HE'D CALL ME..."Bloopty where are you"...."let me know if you want in, so I don't over book"......WOW.
Our massage sessions started lasting longer and longer...to the point that he's finish...I'd be laying on the massage table bukked nekked with JUST a towel on my ass and we'd just be talking as he randomly played in my hair...talking about everything. This man wasn't even who I thought I was infatuated with at the time. I felt though, that I could tell him things I hadn't even shared with the "Goon". We kept this up for a year. Paying him after every session.

Da da dunnnnnnnnnnn....dadadadadaaaAAAAAA (that's the "wait-to-you-see-what-happens-next theme music)......lol

I had a first date with this guy named Marcus....I drove over the Bay Bridge to get him in San Francisco, told him I had a massage appointment in Oakland. He said no problem just to drop him off at the Golden Bear and he'd watch the rest of the game and drink some beers and maybe win him some money at the dominos table (in that bar, they always play for money...dominos in front and pool in the back and if you ain't playing for money...then go sit yo ass on the bleachers 'cause you taken up space...lol) I told him ok, I'd be back and we'd continue OUR date. Here is where it all goes bad...FOR HIM!!

Dropped him off and I go to my appointment...........butt naked on the table, smelling like extra clean, extra brand new AND improved coochie ('cause he's GONNA smell the juices flowing as soon as he starts to knead the fat on my ass (notice* I did not say MY FAT ASS...refer back to archives) ...HOLD ON

let me tell you the lay-out of the studio so you'll know this is not no ordinary spot....and definitely NOT like massage sessions on my bed......this place he has created is for "hooking" his clientele UP..............lol

When you first walk in...you have this huge space in front of you but he has set it up with throw pillows on the ground and this nice low comfortable counch...he has a deep blush carpet and he tells me to sit down on the couch and relax, offers me a bottle of water...he turns on the sllloooooow jazz (coltrane, miles, dizzy) pulls up the blinds...at the TOP of his walls he has windows....moonlight streams thru. He has candles lit and I usually tell him to put 2 or 3 out...it's too bright (I am shy STILL, after a year of having his hands touch me in ways no man has) As I am relaxing on the counch...head back and eyes closed, preparing myself and relaxing my mind...he sits on the floor in front of me and starts to take off my shoes and socks and massages my feet....( it use to startle me, a year later...it's expected..I keep my eyes closed and let him...do him...do me)....
....after about 30 minutes of relaxing me and him putting me at ease....he takes my hand and leads me back to the private bathroom where I get undressed and ...clean the cooch one last time because I tell you.....HIS HANDS ARE MAGIC!! Foot action got me ready...already!! Ugh!...that's so sad*sigh*

He leaves the room and I proceed to get up on the table and lay there...he gives me time for that too. He finally comes in and proceeds to massage me, kneads me, firmly carresses me and all the while talking softly...sometimes I tell him to speak french to me...after all, I am not joiung him in conversation...he just talks to make me comfortable. I think I know more about his childhood, his dreams, his aspirations than any other man before or since him. He gets on my back and stradles me...does this lifting thing and his fingers firmly stroke my...sides and then he goes lower...my ass...my thighs...my calves...my toes...............then I turn over (and I always get the most shy here), he does a pulling motion with my arms, massages down the center of my chest (he asks me if I mind having a FULL frontal massages)...the first couple of times I hesitated....each and everytime after....I let him. *actually to throw a monkey wrench in....I think I started out on the front side...hmmm....'cause......

He finishes the massage and sits at the head of the table, still massaging my arms and my head........I finally look up.......and he bends over...ever so slightly...and gives me a kiss...first on the forehead...I'm shocked and frozen, so I think that's why.......
then he gave me a kiss on my lips...a peck. So soft, so light, but very nice. He looks me in my eyes and ask me to go to dinner with him the next evening.

I am secretly in love with this man...dreaming about him and I in a lovers tangle and he........FUCKING ASK ME OUT WHILE I AM NAKED AND AT HIS MERCY"!!!!
Cold ice water poured over me....and I went from being soft and wet (literally) to being irritated and dry as dirt!!!

Now I know y'all like...what the fuck is wrong with me..........I know....and I shake my head all the time when I think about it. I just thought it was very unethical. I pay you for this service. YOU KNOW I enjoy this service. If your attracted to me and want to ask me out...you could have asked me as I came through the door and gave you a hug. As I sat on the couch while you massages my feet.
Nate waited until I was relaxed, naked and drained....he waited for it. FOR A YEAR...and you don't have the decency to call me up tomorrow and ask me out...you've called other times...to set appointmets and make your money....the smell of my cooch is permeating the room, my defense are down and I am vulnerable.....

I never went back to see Nathaniel after that.
Ignored his calls and haven't found a good massuese again....
I got dressed, thanked him even gave him a peck back...then I left and went home and to bed. Wasn't until I was getting dressed that I had rememebred that I left ol' dude at the bar and he had to take the BART (like NYC subway, smaller scale)...or have someone come the 45 minutes from Daly City to pick him up in the pouring rain, back to SF and home...needless to say...that man ever sees me again, he's probably gonna drop kick me in the neck on GP.

Now I am in NYC....can anyone hook me up with a guy who is the MnFn shit when it comes to massages?!?

*the song up top was on while at the nail shop while I was getting my pedicure....reminded me of how Nate use to make me feel.