Writing My Wrongs

I’ve been sitting and waiting for this heaviness to lift. To make me feel lite again. Again? Maybe not again…but more like finally.

You know what I am speaking of…the lite-ness that makes me smile and hum for no reason whatsoever…as I pick wildflowers in the field with little birds flittering around my shoulders…with a soft breeze playing in my hair.
That lite-ness.

Yea, I’ve never had it but I think a part of me has always wanted it. I think.

There are a ton of songs out there that will speak of how I feel… but the one that consistently comes to mind, is the one I heard by DianaKrall…

“…they’re writing songs of love…but not for me…
…lucky stars above…but not for me…”

There was a time I was amative. Now...I’m just…
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I am finally feeling better. I have been sick since Saturday. The worst it got was Monday night when I thought that I would faint… I didn’t of course. I only lay in medicated hell as snot pooled to one nostril. That of course made me constantly move from side to side during the night, trying to even out the excess snot-age to both nostrils, in hopes of falling asleep and not dying of mucus asphyxiation. Imagine that coroner’s report… imagine.
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I know it’s written somewhere that all things must come to an end, this world and our lives are ever changing and the make-up of today’s society is in no way what we grew up with in the past.

With that said… can we please get rid of the skinny leg jean?... Please!
Now by no means am I fat…maybe a little sloppy in the waist area… depending on the pant giving off that muffin top look… maybe a little fluffy in the “big down blanket” type of way…I give comfort dammit! So with those two things… the skinny leg pant doesn’t look good on my no shape having ass. Now, I am very minor…little…un poquito in the way of lovely lady humps…so even with the added advantage of skinny legs I still have no badonka donk to fill out the derriere assigned section in the back of my pants...
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Tonight I am partying like a rockstar… actually I think I am going to party like a rap star… less random wildness with much ‘tude and coolness. I know what I am wearing…something to show off my double D’s…ok ok ok…so what if I over exaggerate the girls…tonight I am Kanye dammit and over exposure on feminine softness is called for… so if I wanna call my 36C…double D’s…I can...and I will…and I’ll wear the bra that makes you think maybe…just maybe…

Now this is how wack my birthday is…and it’s only wack because…well…you read the first part of this post so…you know the wackness I speak of…
I have some friends in Cal…one of them is having their 40th birthday here in NY (since he is from NYC)…so a group of 10 people flew out here to attend my friends black tie party…on my birthday. So I will be hanging with them tomorrow…on my birthday. Maybe. I do know that tonite I will be wild…for old time sake for this old gal. It’s been so long since I have dressed up and flirted.

Granted I was just at Mardi Gras…but I was with a man and…well…I ain’t wanna get drop kicked in the neck for being outta pocket so…no flirting was going on. At least, I don’t think…no seriously…I don’t remember.

Fire water is the debbil I tell ya!!!

So even though I am feeling unfulfilled, unwanted, and alone… I will try and make the most of tonight… I have to. I think a little of my sanity depends on me being wild tonight. If not, I think I may just commit myself to some asylum and wait out my days there.

Yea, things are a tad precarious right now… Precarious and fucked. But that is neither here nor there and …well, no need to worry your pretty little heads with that.

Enjoy this long weekend…it is the only one until Memorial day… at which time…one or some of us should get together and do what we all love…drink.
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Lesson #956:
Repetition does not turn a lie into the truth.
It only convinces the liar of thier own lie.

# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 1:39 PM