Friday, May 16, 2008
Not Me...No No No...Not Me!...???
You ever take someone out for their birthday and end up spending way way more than you planned. Opting for a fairly cheesy place ‘cause you figured the end result would be a fairly cheap dinner of you and them drunk and noshing on food while cracking jokes at waitresses with yellow eye shadow and those big as goth looking Frankenstein shoes…
Sidenote: Tell me this, who invented that whole Frankenstein shoe for women…and why would a woman try to pair those with a dress and think it might be cute and sexy?
Well…I had 2 margaritas…bday friend had 2 Dos Equis and 2 shots of patron…along with random fake Mexican food…I figured the bill would be around $70 …to my unemployed ass’s surprise… the fucking bill was $170!!!
Caliente Cab is out of their fucking mind…no, seriously! I mean besides their freshly made quacamole…the place is wack. And that’s not just me blasting them for the bill…that’s for real…wack.
Now regularly I don’t take dudes out for bday dinners…but this particular man, back in the day was actually a great boyfriend despite he wasn’t mine. He didn’t belong to anyone else…it’s just he wasn’t mine. I sorta kinda a little bit didn’t want him as mine and I already know that is a horrible thing to say so shut up.
It was the Fireman. He has bought me gift after gift and paid this or that bill for me. Put up with more bullshit than any man should have to and still said Spaghetti when he should have been saying Peace out bitch!
I hearted Fireman but hearting someone doesn’t mean being their exclusive boo, does it? I mean…shouldn’t one feel chemistry for a life long situation?
And life long situation seems like a long time if you aren’t really into him all that much.
Well my cheap ass had only planned on spending $70 on a bday dinner… which in the big picture of things is very scrooge-ish…but y’all I am B-ROKE. I literally am broke...no, seriously...but I can't say I'll take you to dinner for your bday and then at the end ask him to pay for his own damn birthday dinner...
*or can I?*
*SIGH*
He got drunk and my drunkard-ness didn’t quite hit me until I had made it home and was on the phone with Dude…when all the sudden…mid-sentence…I slurred.
And I heard myself slur. Like a stumble then a slur.
I kept on talking but all the while I am praying he didn't hear me.
(This morning he called and asked if I had a hangover...drats!)
I hate letting Dude think I am tipsy. Matter of fact, I only like him knowing I am drinking when he is around.
That’s why I never call him after I have had some alcohol in my system.
…but out of the blue…that muthaeffa called me at 1:30 in the morning.
Ummm, was that a checkup call…was he checking up on me to see if I was home? Let me find out this man is covertly tryna know about my goings on.
So, after hanging out and floating between bars and lounges on Thompson in the village (Greenwich Village; west village for those not in the know)…I decided to take the subway home…normally I wouldn’t have taken the train so late but because I HAD SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON A DAMN DINNER THAT COST WAY TOO MUCH I didn’t have any cash on me to take a taxi…and I don’t go to ATMS in NYC late at night. Dunno, maybe it’s still some of my scary ass ways that prevent me from getting MY money when I need it.
I get home and for some reason I am on my computer and I get a pop up IM message from Fireman telling me…
“…love isn't the right word for what I felt for you. not strong enough. That's why Spaghetti was so ridiculous that it seemed to fit. Timing can be a bitch sometimes. I hope you find whatever it is that you want/need Bloop but recognize it when you do.”
Now I am thinking…
Little parting shots like that sort of bug. I mean, what do I do with that? Do I respond…do I ask him to explain…or do I do what I usually do…and sorta just pretend I logged off before I read that…*lol…no no no, I don’t really do that…not all the time*
I responded with, “it was good seeing you and I hope you had a good nite out with me.
Then I sign off…
Don’t know how that went over but I figure…if he calls again…then it wasn’t as bad as I felt it was.
Early in the evening we were talking about crazy bitches…or love…the one that men just can’t seem to walk away from, no matter how hard they try they’ll always come back to the one chick that is the worst for them.
He said, “you must get that all the time.”
*ummm, whatchu mean by that Bro-Ham?!!*
I ignored that comment because I generally try not to talk about other men to current men I am sitting in front of…bad business and I usually end up lying about something that didn’t need a lie to go with it.
Eh, I’m like that…get uncomfortable…and I lie.
But the bad thing is, I am a HORRIBLE liar and so they end up knowing I am lying and I know they know I am lying. Then I sorta laugh…’cause I know I am busted.
So I just jumped into the next topic…
But my mind wandered back to thinking…
Me?
I am the crazy bitch? *not crazy and psycho but crazy as in not good for someone’s heart and peace of mind*
Again…me?
Ok…
fuck…
yes…I have been that chick…but that shouldn’t apply now…in my advanced years and whatnot…NO, it shouldn’t. I am much more mature now and I can see when a situation isn’t what it needs to be…and I walk away.
Don’t I?
Then I start thinking…
… in the past year I have “broke up” with dude a good 50 billion times…and no matter what I say or how I say it or how mean and manipulative I might have been…
He doesn’t walk away and he doesn’t let me go.
He fights to make me stay.
Am I the equivalent to his “crazy bitch”?
Wait…or maybe…he’s MY crazy bitch…love…*whichever applies.*
?????
I do not have time to think about all this…as if I don’t have other real life shit that I need to focus on…now all the sudden I am…
The...
Sidenote: Tell me this, who invented that whole Frankenstein shoe for women…and why would a woman try to pair those with a dress and think it might be cute and sexy?
Well…I had 2 margaritas…bday friend had 2 Dos Equis and 2 shots of patron…along with random fake Mexican food…I figured the bill would be around $70 …to my unemployed ass’s surprise… the fucking bill was $170!!!
Caliente Cab is out of their fucking mind…no, seriously! I mean besides their freshly made quacamole…the place is wack. And that’s not just me blasting them for the bill…that’s for real…wack.
Now regularly I don’t take dudes out for bday dinners…but this particular man, back in the day was actually a great boyfriend despite he wasn’t mine. He didn’t belong to anyone else…it’s just he wasn’t mine. I sorta kinda a little bit didn’t want him as mine and I already know that is a horrible thing to say so shut up.
It was the Fireman. He has bought me gift after gift and paid this or that bill for me. Put up with more bullshit than any man should have to and still said Spaghetti when he should have been saying Peace out bitch!
I hearted Fireman but hearting someone doesn’t mean being their exclusive boo, does it? I mean…shouldn’t one feel chemistry for a life long situation?
And life long situation seems like a long time if you aren’t really into him all that much.
Well my cheap ass had only planned on spending $70 on a bday dinner… which in the big picture of things is very scrooge-ish…but y’all I am B-ROKE. I literally am broke...no, seriously...but I can't say I'll take you to dinner for your bday and then at the end ask him to pay for his own damn birthday dinner...
*or can I?*
*SIGH*
He got drunk and my drunkard-ness didn’t quite hit me until I had made it home and was on the phone with Dude…when all the sudden…mid-sentence…I slurred.
And I heard myself slur. Like a stumble then a slur.
I kept on talking but all the while I am praying he didn't hear me.
(This morning he called and asked if I had a hangover...drats!)
I hate letting Dude think I am tipsy. Matter of fact, I only like him knowing I am drinking when he is around.
That’s why I never call him after I have had some alcohol in my system.
…but out of the blue…that muthaeffa called me at 1:30 in the morning.
Ummm, was that a checkup call…was he checking up on me to see if I was home? Let me find out this man is covertly tryna know about my goings on.
So, after hanging out and floating between bars and lounges on Thompson in the village (Greenwich Village; west village for those not in the know)…I decided to take the subway home…normally I wouldn’t have taken the train so late but because I HAD SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON A DAMN DINNER THAT COST WAY TOO MUCH I didn’t have any cash on me to take a taxi…and I don’t go to ATMS in NYC late at night. Dunno, maybe it’s still some of my scary ass ways that prevent me from getting MY money when I need it.
I get home and for some reason I am on my computer and I get a pop up IM message from Fireman telling me…
“…love isn't the right word for what I felt for you. not strong enough. That's why Spaghetti was so ridiculous that it seemed to fit. Timing can be a bitch sometimes. I hope you find whatever it is that you want/need Bloop but recognize it when you do.”
Now I am thinking…
Little parting shots like that sort of bug. I mean, what do I do with that? Do I respond…do I ask him to explain…or do I do what I usually do…and sorta just pretend I logged off before I read that…*lol…no no no, I don’t really do that…not all the time*
I responded with, “it was good seeing you and I hope you had a good nite out with me.
Then I sign off…
Don’t know how that went over but I figure…if he calls again…then it wasn’t as bad as I felt it was.
Early in the evening we were talking about crazy bitches…or love…the one that men just can’t seem to walk away from, no matter how hard they try they’ll always come back to the one chick that is the worst for them.
He said, “you must get that all the time.”
*ummm, whatchu mean by that Bro-Ham?!!*
I ignored that comment because I generally try not to talk about other men to current men I am sitting in front of…bad business and I usually end up lying about something that didn’t need a lie to go with it.
Eh, I’m like that…get uncomfortable…and I lie.
But the bad thing is, I am a HORRIBLE liar and so they end up knowing I am lying and I know they know I am lying. Then I sorta laugh…’cause I know I am busted.
So I just jumped into the next topic…
But my mind wandered back to thinking…
Me?
I am the crazy bitch? *not crazy and psycho but crazy as in not good for someone’s heart and peace of mind*
Again…me?
Ok…
fuck…
yes…I have been that chick…but that shouldn’t apply now…in my advanced years and whatnot…NO, it shouldn’t. I am much more mature now and I can see when a situation isn’t what it needs to be…and I walk away.
Don’t I?
Then I start thinking…
… in the past year I have “broke up” with dude a good 50 billion times…and no matter what I say or how I say it or how mean and manipulative I might have been…
He doesn’t walk away and he doesn’t let me go.
He fights to make me stay.
Am I the equivalent to his “crazy bitch”?
Wait…or maybe…he’s MY crazy bitch…love…*whichever applies.*
?????
I do not have time to think about all this…as if I don’t have other real life shit that I need to focus on…now all the sudden I am…
The...
Disturbing Fact #3:
I am finding that I require a certain amount of sexual pain to feel like I have felt something during intercourse. I am not speaking of just an ass smack...but more like an ass slap. I am not talking punching/beating or anyother disturbing physical violence...but a certain amount of pain. I am speaking...some rough shit. Of course this can only be done with someone I totally trust...totally, in case their ass gets outta control and forgets what the fuck STOP means. It's not every time...but I'd say lately...it's been a lot of the time.
Sidenote: Should we ever meet in person...this topic (and many like it) are complete no-no's for topics up for discussion.
# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 2:19 PM
Sumptin To Say:
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i have been the crazy bitch and had the crazy bitches but these days, i'm like the song...
i ain't got nobody...
it's a really interesting thing, to really really be single, makes me wonder if i missing out not having someone to make up and break up with.
you keep doing you, sounds like you're good at it*wink*
i ain't got nobody...
it's a really interesting thing, to really really be single, makes me wonder if i missing out not having someone to make up and break up with.
you keep doing you, sounds like you're good at it*wink*
Hahaha@ Terry. I didn't see nothing.
*sigh* this makes me so sad. Even if you're not really the "crazy bitch" it's always somebody out there that thinks you broke their heart.
(entirely and 200% personal, lol. I'll take my baggage back to my page now)
*sigh* this makes me so sad. Even if you're not really the "crazy bitch" it's always somebody out there that thinks you broke their heart.
(entirely and 200% personal, lol. I'll take my baggage back to my page now)
I am sure we all qualify as Crazy Bitch to someone or the other... Now when you believe in Karma (like moi) that's a very scary notion...
isn't there some sorta unwritten rule about deleting comments...including your own?
what da hell is going on over there?
what da hell is going on over there?
@ AJ: Darling dear, you'd have to speak to the Cheap Seats about that...
Mine was done becasue it didn't make sense to have mine there if his wasn't there to support it.
Being good at me...well, I only know how to be me...tried being someone else but...didn't like the skin I was in when I did that.
@ La: I couldn't count the amount of times someone told me they loved me...my problem isn't getting that declaration...my problem is believing it.
@ Sula: I believe in karma...but sometimes...people sorta deserve what they get so in a sense...I am the result of thier bad karma at some point or another.
Man, that sounded really arrogant...lol
Mine was done becasue it didn't make sense to have mine there if his wasn't there to support it.
Being good at me...well, I only know how to be me...tried being someone else but...didn't like the skin I was in when I did that.
@ La: I couldn't count the amount of times someone told me they loved me...my problem isn't getting that declaration...my problem is believing it.
@ Sula: I believe in karma...but sometimes...people sorta deserve what they get so in a sense...I am the result of thier bad karma at some point or another.
Man, that sounded really arrogant...lol
unfortunately i can relate to this entire post... well not the part about spending $170 dollars on fare. i'm too much in need of current hair maintenance from the top of my head to below my knees to spend on some damn food and drank!
but there are several parts of this lot that i can "amen" without reservation. and i thought it was just me dealing with this issue of a level of fuck-me-like-a-whore feeling. i have this gaping hole (no pun intended) that seems endless and not getting smacked in the proper CONTEXT.
'tis sad...
but there are several parts of this lot that i can "amen" without reservation. and i thought it was just me dealing with this issue of a level of fuck-me-like-a-whore feeling. i have this gaping hole (no pun intended) that seems endless and not getting smacked in the proper CONTEXT.
'tis sad...
on the second installment of me doing one of your mentioned numbers: "no matter what I say or how I say it or how mean and manipulative I might have been…
He doesn’t walk away and he doesn’t let me go.
He fights to make me stay."
no wonder i stay the confused bitch!
He doesn’t walk away and he doesn’t let me go.
He fights to make me stay."
no wonder i stay the confused bitch!
Tattoo on the top of your foot? Really, Blah, Blah? Who does that? I know, you do, but still. Oh, yeah, I could have told you that the foot would be painful, next time asks a brother. I still don’t understand the tattoo on the foot. Plus, I just think you got too much going on in that mind of yours, young lady. Seriously.
If we should meet in person, don't be looking at my damn hands. lol
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If we should meet in person, don't be looking at my damn hands. lol
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