Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Think What You Want Muthafucka...

I sat the phone on the counter in my kitchen and proceeded to make the bologna sandwich… I had him on speakerphone…letting the caller drone on about whatever the fuck he was talking about. His conversation has become boring and …bullshit.

I am not done… but I am definitely done with this situation. He bores me and I can’t understand how gullible I was for some nice words and him always singing some bullshit song off key. Oh yea......he bores me.

So that is why, I set the phone down on the counter with speakerphone on…and proceed to make me a bolgna sandwich… not really listening…but catching random tidbits that I want to exploit. I am good at hearing everything you have to say...but picking out what I can to twist and turn, to fuck you up…not a smart tactic…but an effective one. Fuck him.

So he’s going on and on about friendship and what that means to him and I am realizing that all his friends ain’t shit and what he thinks is friendship is something masquerading as …not wanting to be lonely and out of the loop.
So he attaches himself to some bullshit…which means he is close to that precipice…he could fall in, at any minute…if he hasn’t already.
Yea, he’s ordinary…not extra- ordinary…too bad his ass doesn’t know the difference. Too bad he is ok with typical shit to not realize…he’s fucken up a good situation.

Or…maybe he does now…

because he ain’t brand new to this shit…fucken fucker fucks for fuck sake… despite that old saying “ I am too old for this shit”, he uses it with impunity.

That’s the quickest way to know a bullshitter. I may look square…but that’s what keeps me on the wall…like a fly, listening to all the shit y’all talk about…thinking I don’t pick up on the little nuances, signs, verbiage…thinking that I don’t see you in my face, disrespecting me…
That’s why I have "reserve", "backup", "extra on the side"… and him, he’s thinking I am at home dreaming of a night-in-shining armor...singing and prfoessing his love to me...

He doesn't realize that this...this right here...is what I am good at...dating is what I do, baby...and men is what I know, baby...and as much as you like to fantasize...I do know a little about some things...a little about men ...I am good with you thinking that all you have to offer to me is mediocre...

Baby, baby, baby...you just don't know.
But I DO know some people that can school you on me...on Bloopty.

I am sitting here listening to him… he’s truly clueless. Do I sound spiteful and bitter? Aw, well I guess I am. I feel as if I have wasted time. Within that feeling…here I am …still in the midst of this shit. If I ain't the dumbest muthafucka concerning this man…I don’t know who is.

So out of spite...I say some slick shit…and he says… “All right Bloop, I’mma let you go and finish what you were doing.” And in my passive aggressive way…and smiling on the other side of this phone, I say, “what baby, you don’t want to talk to me?” he hesitates and then says, “Everything is fine.” And I respond with, “Oh baby, tell me what’s on your mind.” You wanna fuck with me...I'mma fuck with you!

Fuck him and what’s wrong.
Philly Bound has spoiled me with poetic prose and all Dude has done for me…
is send me text that talks about... tying me up in my ropes and fucking me silly…
...which of course used to make me wet…now just makes me …BLAH!

He says he used to be a good boy until he met me…guess…to an extent…he ain’t letting me go because of that ('cause I know I turn't than man out)…but same time…looking for wifey material…even though…I used to be that chick that was a lady in the streets and a ho in the bedroom. What he wants and what he wants...is two different things. He's conflicted. I see that...and I know that...and I have experienced that before........not my problem.

I am aware of my sexuality…I know what I like…and he has shown me what he likes…and maybe, just maybe…he feels vulnerable with me having that knowledge…either way…he's older than me… you know what to expose and when to do it… so what he showed me…he meant to show me. Don't act young now, maaan!

…I am just here. And if you don’t know what that means…then obviously you haven’t been in some...thing... that meant some...thing... at some point…that went south~... And if that is the case…then god bless you because…that shit, ain’t nothing nice…feels horrible and leaves you stressed for a period of time…warring with your logical and illogical self...about...do I stay...or do I go.

Nite babies.

Sumptin To Say:
I don't think I read your blog near enough. I say this because as I read along with this post I can't decide if it is fiction or non-fiction. It is written so well that I believe it to be fiction, but when I read the comments it seems that this is your story. Am I slow? Is this very well written fiction or non-fiction?

Either way you draw me in.
 
sounds like a bubble in love land has been burst...

it's always a shame when that happens, it alway is!
 
thinking I don’t pick up on the little nuances, signs, verbiage…thinking that I don’t see you in my face, disrespecting me…
That’s why I have "reserve", "backup", "extra on the side"… and him, he’s thinking I am at home dreaming of a night-in-shining armor...singing and prfoessing his love to me...


Dang, is he really that dumb? On to the next ...
 
@ Slish: See you talk all that good shit that makes sense on your page...and then come over here and sort of fumble the ball.
But it's because I know you...and because you were willing to go to Cheesecake Factory for me & pick up my fav cheesecake and bring it to me...that I let your ass slide on the silly shit you say. :)

@ BGood: I was re-reading this post...and I sound all extra angry and shit...lol Budda-rum, yea, I'm trying real hard not to be that mad bitter bitch at this point.

@ 1Man: It is very rare that I write fiction...and if I do...I usually let the readers know.
It's real.
Granted, I had 2 glasses of wine when I wrote this...as I ate my bologna sandwich...as he droned on...and on...

@ AJ: Burst a long time ago...I've just been holding the deflated heart-shaped bubble...hoping that somehow...we could blow that shit back up and be good again.

@ Michele: He's thinking that me moving to Msryland is going to make things magically better.
If he had cultivated the garden here at home...then it could have sustained the move...
So now...I'mma take these roots and plant them somewhere else.

I tried to be all metaphorical and shit...lol

 
Go.

It's always go. It's just a matter of whether or not we are ready.



Ugh. Don't wanna talk about it.
 
people often fk up good situations or else they wouldnt say u never know what u have until its gone

and where my balogna samich folk
 
You're right Blah...It was early when I read this post. Let me read it again....

Okay I'm back, I don't get it. You're annoyed for what reason..Its kind of hard to get a clear picture of the bullshit you state he's spitting when you haven't stated what it is..So what he sings of key...Yo ass can't dance..Makes things even to me...lol

Then you state he's fucking up a good situation. I kept reading to find out what the situation is , but you left me hanging..lol

If you gone tell the story then tell it. All this fill in the blank shit gives me a headache...lol Don't get me wrong the post was well written, but I felt I was walking in on an argument not knowing who started it.

You ever see those little dogs bark ferociously at people as they walk by. Then when one of them decides to show the dog some kindness and it runs away. This post is kinda like that because I BET if Dude decided to show you he wasn't so ORDINARY you'd run,hide or stop taking his calls.

I give you one thing you are good and what you do. Hands down you have the dating game on lock, but how's the LIFE game working out for ya.

Hmph..Was that deep enough for you...lol
 
@ Slish: Yea, that's better...but still off.

See, unlike you...I write for me...so I am not telling a story. Not everything is a See Dog Run story...
It IS something you just walked in on...this post is for me...to me...and about what I am feeling. So whether the reader gets it...is irrelevant. The point is...there is emotion, frustration, tiredness and a whole lote of angst towards this man...that you my dear darling Slish have no idea about. Just because we talk about a lot...doesn't mean I tell you everything. *maybe you should back track to a year ago...and catch up*

I am sure that someone reading this...at some point has felt this same way about someone...even if they don't know exactly what I am saying.
But I see where you wouldn't understand that also, it's and emotional thing.

So when you say I'd run and hide...if THAT were the case...then buddy boy wouldn't be coming here this weekend...and I wouldn't have stayed in this for a lil over a year now.

And my life...I would say my life is actually good...so tell me...how's YOUR life? Never mind...I know already. I know what your dear readers don't know.

But...so you know, I still love my little jamaican like the little ragmuffin he is... Also,let me let you know, I appreciate your attempt at being serious...more than your snipes and lil jokey jokes.
Generally, it's just good to talk about what you know about...

Smooches Broham... :)

 
Well, I can only tell it like I see it.

As I said before, if a man gets involved with you he has to know the drill. If he decides to dance that dance he had better know what's up - or he's going to get is toes step on. That's just the way it is with you.

At least, as I see it.

I've told you before, you get bored easily, and a Man's got to understand that. If he doesn't, someone's gonna get hurt and that just the way it is.

But I will say this Bloop and it's probably gonna piss you off...but Baby Gurl...you need to pick a ship...commit to it...cut the damn mooring lines loose...and sail that thing for all its worth. You keep jumping ships; you are never going to complete the voyage.

At least, that's how I see it.
 
@ Terry: I don't think I've ever been piss'd at you...well, there was that one time...when you wouldn't get out of your own way...but that's our conversation.

I admit, I do bore easy...but the flip side of that is...maybe...just maybe, that special someone hasn't come along that holds my interest. Maybe...just maybe, it's not my time yet. And maybe...just maybe, it's ok for me to be single...and date...and be single...and date...and be....
Maybe this is who I am.
Does everything or everyone I encounter have to be a commited and long term thing? Am I on some sort of time line that I don't know about?
Becuase honestly...despite my little bouts of uneasiness and frustration...I am loving me and liking him, despite the second guessing.

I get what you are saying about jumping ship...but what about this Terry...
What if I am on my own ship...sailing alone...towards an unknown but familiar place...what if I am not the one jumping ship? What if I just have passengers...that come and go? I mean...maybe this is it for me. Who says I have to be with just one...or anyone for that matter???

Now don't get me wrong...I want to be in something ...solid.
But Terry...if you remember, I have written a little somethng about this particular man but also...ther is a whole helluva lot that I haven't written...and those things that I haven't said...well there is a reason I keep those things to myself.
But I can't just walk away...I've tried and I don't understand it...but you know what...that's ok...because I choose what is ok for me in my life...and I know me well enough to know...this won't last always.

I like when you tell me about myself...and even though I buck at your words...I take them to heart.

 
@ Slish: Yea...I did sorta...and yea, I knew you'd like that shit...

...and I know...somewhere down the line, I'll have to
Do
It
...again!
LOL

 
What if I am on my own ship...sailing alone...towards an unknown but familiar place...what if I am not the one jumping ship? What if I just have passengers...that come and go? I mean...maybe this is it for me. Who says I have to be with just one...or anyone for that matter???

Well, looking at it that way, you're right. You are the Master of your vessel, and only you know who and when folks can board.

And if in fact you want many or none on ship...well that's up to you as well. It's your boat.

BUT...consider this; you can't invite folks on board and then bitch because they are there. Not that you have done that - I'm just saying.
 
@ Terry: You are sooo right about that... I agree...now what kind of host would I be if I bitched about them being there...

But some muthafuckas need to know when they have overstayed there welcome! :)

 
Why did I not realize there was a new blog? I'm mad late, yo! I see you are still up to the same stuff. Keeping these brothas at arms length and stuff.
 
The Art of War: "warring with your logical and illogical self...about...do I stay...or do I go."

...the fuck out'a my dome!

missed you cyber-kin, but i see you stay out in dating land grindin'!
 
I think this has got to be the worst time and part of a relationship. The part where one person just drones on and on and knows something's not right but they are so self-absorbed they can't figure it out. And the other one doesn't have the ability to say to the bore for one reason or another that the relationship is doing nothing for them. I have been on both sides and it aint pretty.
 
Once you see the ugly in something you thought beautiful, that's it baby. It's nothing but disgust from then on out.
 
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