Friday, October 3, 2008
The Standard
Tell me this...
Suppose your signif other is having sex when you're not around. Could you get over it if it was just sex and not an emotional tie?
I am starting to wonder where my backbone has gone concerning this.
Now mind you...Dude is not my man...at least I don't see him as such even though...yea, even though. Let's say he's my man if we are scratching the very surface of what a man could be for a woman...but when it comes to the essentials...the bare bones of what's needed to confidently and with pride say he's my man...nah, not at all.
So, since I have those thoughts about who he is to me...I am sort of perplexed. I, in a sense am ok with him having sex with other people. Well let me be truthful...I think he is having sex with someone else...I know in the year and a half that I have been seeing him that he has gone outside our yard and checked out a few chicks across the street and around the block.
But today, I woke up and told myself that I don't mind him slippin' and dippin' as long as it's not an emotional tie.
What kind of bullcrap is that to tell yourself???
I mean, it's like I have lowered my standards when it's came to this man so many times that now...I really don't hold him to a standard...and in turn...have lost my standards.
He has definitely changed me. And not for the good. And I am wondering if I will ever trust another man again.
I've always assumed people had baggage. I mean at this age...who hasn't gone thru somethng that has left some sort of mark on who they are as a viable candidate for a relationship. But I have always been clear about one thing... I leave my baggage of what was done to me with the person I am leavng. That way, I can deal with the new prospect as an individual and on their own merit. When I say I am done...I am literally done and I out, that experience out of my mind and move on. Some used to tell me that was naive...but it worked for me. In doing that, I was not the bitter black woman who always felt a man was about to do me wrong.
This sit-chi-ation with Dude...hasn't allowed that. I think he has put a brand on my heart...and going forward...it may not be able to let me judge someone on who they are but rather on who they aren't or who I have dealt with before. Men will no longer be individuals but a group.
I am sure going forward I will be one of those women that will make sweeping statements about... "all men are...."this or that. It's sad really.
Sad for men but even more sad for me.
Because going forward...I am going to be suspicious, going to be mistrusting, going to be harder (than I already am) to expose parts of me (the loving parts). All wack AND confusing.
Suppose your signif other is having sex when you're not around. Could you get over it if it was just sex and not an emotional tie?
I am starting to wonder where my backbone has gone concerning this.
Now mind you...Dude is not my man...at least I don't see him as such even though...yea, even though. Let's say he's my man if we are scratching the very surface of what a man could be for a woman...but when it comes to the essentials...the bare bones of what's needed to confidently and with pride say he's my man...nah, not at all.
So, since I have those thoughts about who he is to me...I am sort of perplexed. I, in a sense am ok with him having sex with other people. Well let me be truthful...I think he is having sex with someone else...I know in the year and a half that I have been seeing him that he has gone outside our yard and checked out a few chicks across the street and around the block.
But today, I woke up and told myself that I don't mind him slippin' and dippin' as long as it's not an emotional tie.
What kind of bullcrap is that to tell yourself???
I mean, it's like I have lowered my standards when it's came to this man so many times that now...I really don't hold him to a standard...and in turn...have lost my standards.
He has definitely changed me. And not for the good. And I am wondering if I will ever trust another man again.
I've always assumed people had baggage. I mean at this age...who hasn't gone thru somethng that has left some sort of mark on who they are as a viable candidate for a relationship. But I have always been clear about one thing... I leave my baggage of what was done to me with the person I am leavng. That way, I can deal with the new prospect as an individual and on their own merit. When I say I am done...I am literally done and I out, that experience out of my mind and move on. Some used to tell me that was naive...but it worked for me. In doing that, I was not the bitter black woman who always felt a man was about to do me wrong.
This sit-chi-ation with Dude...hasn't allowed that. I think he has put a brand on my heart...and going forward...it may not be able to let me judge someone on who they are but rather on who they aren't or who I have dealt with before. Men will no longer be individuals but a group.
I am sure going forward I will be one of those women that will make sweeping statements about... "all men are...."this or that. It's sad really.
Sad for men but even more sad for me.
Because going forward...I am going to be suspicious, going to be mistrusting, going to be harder (than I already am) to expose parts of me (the loving parts). All wack AND confusing.
# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 12:07 PM
Sumptin To Say:
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I don't understand (and maybe I'm wack) but I think you just tell yourself he's not your man in order to feel good about accepting his behavior. And if you tell him that he's not your man than you are giving him persmission to check out the green grass in the neighbor's yard.
I suggest you start by creating some standards for yourself. Then examine him to see if he's capable of living up to them. If he declines, let him go. Did you hear that? I said if he declines, LET HIM GOOOOOOOO.
Otherwise, it sounds as if this relationship would be defining you. You're not thaaat easy are you?
Otherwise, it sounds as if this relationship would be defining you. You're not thaaat easy are you?
I had this conversation the other day with someone who is so no good for me, and my response came out so quick it scared me because HE can Dow whatever he wants but not with me!
That's just my bottom line when it comes to HIM. I can't afford to be any more bitter or angry with myself and I don't have years to give someone who isn't shit and isn't gonna be shit so although his smile is the sun the lights my day....I am not touching that shit with a ten foot pole. I need my sanity for the next trip because there will be a next trip!
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That's just my bottom line when it comes to HIM. I can't afford to be any more bitter or angry with myself and I don't have years to give someone who isn't shit and isn't gonna be shit so although his smile is the sun the lights my day....I am not touching that shit with a ten foot pole. I need my sanity for the next trip because there will be a next trip!
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