Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Ummm, In Da Bum-Bum...
So it turns out I am the freak nasty when drunk…lol
Who knew?! I mean, I am drunk which means my memory is all sketchy and whatnot when I am inebriated…so…I didn’t really think it was me that was the one that was, or might have precipitated some…ummm-you-in-my-bumm? …
Ummm, freak nasty is me.
So, I am about to go T.M.I…
I mean more than normal. No comment needed…I am just trying to figure this shit out.
…aaaaand…START!
Bum-bum plug.
Got one.
Walked into a local sex shop that was RIGHT on front street…during rush hour traffic. No hiding while making my way inside…so fuck it, head held high and with a little swagger but not enough to be considered cheap…I walked right up to the door and walked right in like… it was a 7-11...or a Safeway.
Normally all that is not needed ‘cause ain’t no shame in my sex game…but here I am in Virginia…and the front door facing Hwy 1 and again, it’s rush hour…
…I walk in and 10 white men…no, no, no…10 very white men in trucker hats, wrangler jeans and cowboy boots look up as I walk in…
Intimidated am I.
See, in NYC, in the village…I am usually walking into the sex shop and seeing lezzies, bois, or couples…never JUST white cowboys. Me not being white…or a man…or a dyke…
…but being a soft-little-bundle-of-finger-licking-golden-goodness…
Got all girly, shy and shit.
I ain’t never been shy about my sex shit YO!
So I slink…
Slink around looking for a bum-bum plug.
I knew what I wanted…
Knew what I was looking for…
Knew I was buying that shit TO-day!
And more than likely…using it TO-day!
But I still slinked in…walked along one side of the store…and avoided eye contact…as much as possible. In this overly fluorescent lit sex shop. Virginia is wack…make you feel all shameful for wanting (read: needing) some autonomous sex! Bastards!
Back to the plug and how I have been needing it…needing it baaaad.
I got it.
…and another something else that-is-not-important-to-this-story-even-though-it-is-also-a-purchase-from-this-sex-shop…
Back story on the need for pleasure in the danger zone…
I don’t think I can feel dick like I used to feel dick. And I don’t feel like it matters how many times a day I exercise with the Kegel’s… I just don’t feel it like I used to. Now when I say “feel it”…I am not referring to a penis. You see, every now and then (now more than then)…I have been …umm…self pleasuring. But not really just “self”, considering I need other devices…
I am referring to...
It's a clenching thing.
And then it's a stretching thing.
Or it might be the added little "stress" to an area I need.
Like needing my hair pulled.
Or my ass slapped.
Or...well hopefully you get it.
...devices ‘cause... my arm gets too tired with all that hand-arm motion. Seriously…I can’t understand how y’all men don’t end up with either tendonitis in the wrist or “tennis” elbow from all that vigorous waxing of the monkey (is it called waxing the monkey?)…choking the chicken… masturbating! Y’all go at it much stronger than women do…and it’s crazy that I don’t see more men with thier arm in slings.
Ummm, START….again!
So I may or may not pleasure myself and I may or may not feel the need to see if there are other areas of my luscious body that might like to be pleasured…
(…if I am or am not self pleasuring…)
I came…(or is that cummed)…and can I say…that cumming is mo’ betta when you discover that there is another reason to praise all that god has made me to feel…and made me to be. Just sayin’… instead of being prudish all these years…I should have went and made this purchase at least 9 years ago…
But I guess there is a time and place for everything.
Am I ready for male anatomy?
If I am drunk? Definitely
If I am sober? Get that shit away from me.
My plug is less than 4 inches long and 1 ½ inches in width…
So if penis is bigger than a magic marker…I don’t want it in my ass…
And if it’s smaller than a magic marker…I don’t want it in my slippery goodness...up front.
Thankfully Dude is bigger…but unfortunately not smaller…which in and of itself is better overall…
I can be satisfied with my purchase, with this recent curiosity and also be very satisfied with the real deal that Dude blesses me with.
Altho, I can't overuse the bum-bum toy...I heard your ass gets lax and it all just... falls out... Am I too old to believe that? I think I may have to do some research on anal... right now!
Sidenote: Hehehe…that first paragraph said a lot that didn’t really coincide with the rest of my story…but fuck it.
Also, I really hope my reading audience (what's left) isn't coming over here to get any real substantial world current events...it's just me and my meanderings...which as far as I am concerned...is some substantial current events...LOL
Who knew?! I mean, I am drunk which means my memory is all sketchy and whatnot when I am inebriated…so…I didn’t really think it was me that was the one that was, or might have precipitated some…ummm-you-in-my-bumm? …
Ummm, freak nasty is me.
So, I am about to go T.M.I…
I mean more than normal. No comment needed…I am just trying to figure this shit out.
…aaaaand…START!
Bum-bum plug.
Got one.
Walked into a local sex shop that was RIGHT on front street…during rush hour traffic. No hiding while making my way inside…so fuck it, head held high and with a little swagger but not enough to be considered cheap…I walked right up to the door and walked right in like… it was a 7-11...or a Safeway.
Normally all that is not needed ‘cause ain’t no shame in my sex game…but here I am in Virginia…and the front door facing Hwy 1 and again, it’s rush hour…
…I walk in and 10 white men…no, no, no…10 very white men in trucker hats, wrangler jeans and cowboy boots look up as I walk in…
Intimidated am I.
See, in NYC, in the village…I am usually walking into the sex shop and seeing lezzies, bois, or couples…never JUST white cowboys. Me not being white…or a man…or a dyke…
…but being a soft-little-bundle-of-finger-licking-golden-goodness…
Got all girly, shy and shit.
I ain’t never been shy about my sex shit YO!
So I slink…
Slink around looking for a bum-bum plug.
I knew what I wanted…
Knew what I was looking for…
Knew I was buying that shit TO-day!
And more than likely…using it TO-day!
But I still slinked in…walked along one side of the store…and avoided eye contact…as much as possible. In this overly fluorescent lit sex shop. Virginia is wack…make you feel all shameful for wanting (read: needing) some autonomous sex! Bastards!
Back to the plug and how I have been needing it…needing it baaaad.
I got it.
…and another something else that-is-not-important-to-this-story-even-though-it-is-also-a-purchase-from-this-sex-shop…
Back story on the need for pleasure in the danger zone…
I don’t think I can feel dick like I used to feel dick. And I don’t feel like it matters how many times a day I exercise with the Kegel’s… I just don’t feel it like I used to. Now when I say “feel it”…I am not referring to a penis. You see, every now and then (now more than then)…I have been …umm…self pleasuring. But not really just “self”, considering I need other devices…
I am referring to...
It's a clenching thing.
And then it's a stretching thing.
Or it might be the added little "stress" to an area I need.
Like needing my hair pulled.
Or my ass slapped.
Or...well hopefully you get it.
...devices ‘cause... my arm gets too tired with all that hand-arm motion. Seriously…I can’t understand how y’all men don’t end up with either tendonitis in the wrist or “tennis” elbow from all that vigorous waxing of the monkey (is it called waxing the monkey?)…choking the chicken… masturbating! Y’all go at it much stronger than women do…and it’s crazy that I don’t see more men with thier arm in slings.
Ummm, START….again!
So I may or may not pleasure myself and I may or may not feel the need to see if there are other areas of my luscious body that might like to be pleasured…
(…if I am or am not self pleasuring…)
I came…(or is that cummed)…and can I say…that cumming is mo’ betta when you discover that there is another reason to praise all that god has made me to feel…and made me to be. Just sayin’… instead of being prudish all these years…I should have went and made this purchase at least 9 years ago…
But I guess there is a time and place for everything.
Am I ready for male anatomy?
If I am drunk? Definitely
If I am sober? Get that shit away from me.
My plug is less than 4 inches long and 1 ½ inches in width…
So if penis is bigger than a magic marker…I don’t want it in my ass…
And if it’s smaller than a magic marker…I don’t want it in my slippery goodness...up front.
Thankfully Dude is bigger…but unfortunately not smaller…which in and of itself is better overall…
I can be satisfied with my purchase, with this recent curiosity and also be very satisfied with the real deal that Dude blesses me with.
Altho, I can't overuse the bum-bum toy...I heard your ass gets lax and it all just... falls out... Am I too old to believe that? I think I may have to do some research on anal... right now!
Sidenote: Hehehe…that first paragraph said a lot that didn’t really coincide with the rest of my story…but fuck it.
Also, I really hope my reading audience (what's left) isn't coming over here to get any real substantial world current events...it's just me and my meanderings...which as far as I am concerned...is some substantial current events...LOL
# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 11:19 PM
Sumptin To Say:
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LMFAO!!!!
I um... well...
Email me. lol
And next time go to DC and go to The Pleasure Palance either in Georgetown or Dupont Circle, lol
I um... well...
Email me. lol
And next time go to DC and go to The Pleasure Palance either in Georgetown or Dupont Circle, lol
call me crazy but that would have been a good time to use the internet for shopping if you ask me. But then again those sex shops make me uncomfortable. I don't like folks knowing what I might get into in the comforts of my own home...although really I'm not getting into much of anything at all lately!
lol!
lol!
u know, i'm going to have to disassociate myself with posting comments on your blog, but you best believe I'll be lurking.
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