Writing My Wrongs

Alli are you ok?… Are you ok?…Alli are you ok? Are you ok Alli?

I honestly feel like I have not gotten the required amount of sleep that Bloopty needs to be…nice, calm and cool…functional.
But then again…I was holed in the house at the beginning of the week sleeping my days away…refusing to go anywhere in case I might get caught off guard which might have had me punching a cheating muthafucka in his lying ass mouth.
Naw, naw…I wouldn’t do that. I don’t think.


So…Thursday my cousin asked me to come along with her…and baby cousin to 6Flags…what she forgot to tell me was that it was baby cousins birthday “party”…a half a dozen of other peoples bad ass kids came along. Now anything …’scuse me, any persons under the age of 3 I can deal with...pubescent junior higher’s…not so much. Too much freaking energy, they talk way too much and way to fast…and inevitably a little girls is going to want to braid my hair or sit up under me like I am her new BFF…
I ain’t down for kids over the age of 3 unless they are mine.

So we are out at 6Flags in Largo and it’s hot and it’s a beautiful day and I am wading in the water and thinking…funny how things work out…I was suppose to be at another Theme park; Kings Dominion…and here I am…riding rides that have my stomach in my throat, holding on for dear life and screaming on roller coasters… I thanked my cousin because that is definitely what I needed…some levity to a heavy 7 days. I got more sun and before you know it I was making BFF’s with a 12 year old…we road side by side on one ride and as I screamed and she laughed at me…we connected and from that one ride…the remaining 5 hours spent at the park…she went from knowing me as JDan ‘s cousin to now…”auntie”…
I’m bad like that…cool like that…
Just another part of me.

It was there that Oldest called me and asked me if I’d seen the news about Michael…I hadn’t. He told me he was dead…and of course I told him to get home and google it…to see if it was true. I hung up and text Ms. Hollywood…My auntie AJ. She confirmed and from there…I started getting text all day long

One of my memorable moments with MJ singing in the background…or rather in my head…I’d say I was too young for my current long standing personal theme music of Sweet Sticky Thing.
But when I was 13…I was out at the amusement in Cal and I was waiting in line to get on a ride and this boy who was working the ride kept staring at me. His negligent ass got up from the ride and came over to talk to me and all he kept calling me was a PYT (Pretty Young Thing)… I was embarrassed and thrilled all at the same time. I went home that day and every day after that and played that song and dreamed what it would be like to have a boyfriend…the what if’s of that afternoon had I been bold and gave the ride handler my number. PYT was my theme music at 13.
Ah, Michael and the memories he left behind.
I had the poster of him in his white clothes with the yellow sleeveless sweater…I used to kiss that poster every night before bed.



We finally left a park after hours and hours…and I spent more money than I planned.
I had been up since 6:30 and went to bed way too late… I had to be up early on Friday to catch the bus to NYC… had some business that needed to be handled before I make a change… It was a turn around because I had to be back for breakfast with my aunties on Saturday morning. It was supposed to be the last one I would attend before our family reunion in a couple of months.
I got to NYC at 11:30am and took care of my business and then had a couple of hours to spare… I hadn’t let anyone know I was coming and those that I did I was vague about the particulars…it was a turn-around trip so wasn’t looking to hang out or make conversation like that… was gonna sneak in and out…be that Smooth Criminal.
All thru NYC they are remembering the King of Pop…I had to take this picture so that I’d have something to have years from now…to remember…



I had 2 hours to spare and ended up at Local…sat out and enjoyed the day and drank 3 martini’s…ordered a plate of nachos and ppl watched. Then I made my way back to the bus…it was an hour late…but before that it …STORMED…hard, with lightening…while I am across from Madison Square Garden…out. In. the. Freaking. Rain. Waiting. On . the. Damn. Bus!
Got back to DC at 1230 and walked the streets of DC on a Friday night and realized…I haven’t given this place a chance to grow on me. I’d always been caught up, everywhere I went, everyone I met...I was never alone and now I have the chance to see it in a total different view. But I realized that to stay would be settling and as the saying go… Don’t stop ‘til you get enough…so I am leaving and it’s time to get mine on the way. It is time to Beat It.

Got home at 130am and asleep by 230 to wake up at 530am… I was headed to Petersburg. Yea, that’s what I thought too…da hell is Petersburg? And why is it Peters? I slept in the car…a two hour ride…for freaking breakfast.

We ate and talked and laughed.
All the aunties and my cousin…remembering stories…and I actually found out that my dad and two of my uncles beat down one of my granny’s husbands back in the day. Apparently said husband thought he had the right to lay hands on his wife. I guess he forgot she had 5 sons…3 of which commence to beating his ass and throwing him out of the house then beating him down on the lawn. Gotta Be Startin’ Something…he wanted to be starting something.
My daddy? Beating some ass? Some grown man ass?
He’s BAD…he’s bad.
Heeheehee

It took us 3.5 hours to get back from Petersburgh…so DC Carribbean day festival…shot. The DC BBQ festival…shot.
I did make it out to National Harbor to the Recess: Ice Cream Social for adults…game night at the W. It was fun... Genuine fun. I was hoping and praying I wasn’t going to feel pressured to be something I didn’t want to be since this the harbor, is his and his friends hang out. Thankfully I saw no one and if they saw me… they didn’t say anything to me…bunch of fucking sadist that the are. The pressure would have made me Scream.

Ray Ray “Pookie” Johnson called me and wanted me to come into DC to have a drink but…I wasn’t trying to be out all night since my plan is to go to church tomorrow. I am just trying to get out a little while I am still here and enjoy my last couple of days here. Told Pookie and dem that I would meet up with him tomorrow and maybe we could catch the last leg of the Caribbean fest…if it doesn’t rain. I need to be in front of a tv at 9 for TrueBlood…and also for whatever tribute BET is going to give MJ at their awards show.

My mind is at peace and my heart has healed. In close to 2 years, I really don’t know truth from lie and will never know…so I have literally put it out of my mind. I have not shed a tear or hated anyone. I was just disappointed and thought how pathetic ones life has to be, to maliciously use someone’s goodness and heart to manipulate their love, for his own comfort. Now I just shake my head and when people ask…I shrug my shoulders and I no longer have words for a situation that no longer exist for me. Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool…at some point.

I am good. No…I am better than good…and better still as days go by and I am ok in knowing I held up my side of the bargain from the very beginning. I have nothing to be sorry for and I have found closure on my own.