Writing My Wrongs

It started out as a good day… had plans to do a couple of things. One was to pick up some boxes but by the time I got there…they were out and I was going to have to go somewhere else to pick them up. So I figured that I would do that tomorrow.
Next was the stop at the post office to put in a change of address…and to get my mail. Well…to my surprise…my box was empty. This is the same POB that he had gotten for me when I was in California last year. So I am stressed because…from what I know, he is spiteful enough to hold my mail as hostage. Which it turns out he did.

So then from there my day went down the drain and thoughts of spending the afternoon out at my friends pool were slowly dwindling away. I could no longer focus on conversation and could no longer be happy today.
Phone call after phone call…I had been avoiding in the past couple of days…but 27 calls later…today, I finally answered a call…and I guess he felt like creating hell on earth today.

Check this out:
If I crash my own car…but get mad at you for me crashing my car…
What would that make me? Sort of delusional and a little crazy?
But of course he doesn’t see that.
So all the lies that he’s told…he’s actually mad at me for catching him and calling him on his lies. He’s essentially mad at me for him lying and him cheating on his wife. A piece of work. I can’t be bothered with his level of insanity.
The phone calls and the texts…well, I could deal with that because I could just ignore them. But this other stuff …well…
I’ve never dealt with drama like that before. I mean…I’m just extra on the side…why so much emotion for someone that meant nothing to you??
My house-mates were fed up with the drama and they called the police…of course, he left before they came.

Arrghh, I can’t fathom the hate or the need to hold onto it. If I meant nothing to him as he says…then why not just walk away...
I have walked away without any desire to reach out to him for anything. Why is it so easy for me to walk away? Did I not love him?

In the very end… his actions aren’t surprising and I sort of figured he'd react in some way like this. He’s gone through his rollercoaster of emotions and I knew that he’d end it with anger/hate. I just didn’t realize the extreme actions. Actions that he could have left well enough alone with me…and lied his way through with his wife.
It’s like for the past 5 days he’s been trying to convince me that he loves me, begging to see me and expressing how much he missed me…since I was his shot at a different life; different than what he’d been in for 13 years…but then when I didn’t respond to his contacting me, he decided he had to make good with his wife since he was probably about to lose both of us. He’d rather have someone than no one at all.
His performance today was Oscar worthy...I know that it wasn't for me, it was for her. He needed to disrespect me, to make himself look good. He had done the same thing with me when he spoke about her. Listed all the things bad about her, to make me stay with him. He's transparent, yet she doesn't see it.

I hope he recognized that there were so many things I didn’t reveal to his wife when she/they called me; they put me on speaker phone.
She wanted to know about him and I…so that was what I gave her. I didn’t mention the other things that could have done equal if not more damage to a situation that was already volatile. I took responsibility in the part I played in all of this.
He could justify it all he wanted, as he does...but I take resposibility for my own actions without trying to deflect.
She has accepted him and his version of the truth for so long, so many years…me exposing some of his bad wouldn’t have made a difference. I knew as he told me, that she would stand by her man. He told me she would never leave him; he said she wasn’t strong enough to live without him. That's why he was leaving her.
She said she’d pray for me, I told her she should and she should also pray for herself, her husband and her marriage.
No matter how much God is in her…and how much the “covenant of God covers her house”, she has to wonder if her prayer is being heard if her husband has been cheating on her for 11 of the 13 years they have been married.
I hope she gave him more than an earful…I hope she slapped the shit out of him for making her have to go through this. I am just surprised she didn’t know about the other woman. I can’t fathom my husband sleeping away from home 3-4 times a week and not knowing that something is going on… Or the fact that another woman has been driving your husbands car for a good part of a year and you have seen her in it.
I used to think she was dumb and naïve. I still think she is a little naïve but I also think she wanted to believe the lie so bad that she didn’t want to question the absurdity of his reason. Just like me.
He played her…just like he played me.
But to him…I am the one that’s in the wrong…

I was debating if I’d delete all the post that involved him. I’ve already deleted every picture. But then I thought about it… I am not going to be ashamed for loving him because the “person” and “life” that he described to me, was who I fell in love with. Was I bamboozled, yes maybe…was I in denial, yes admittedly… was I lead to believe something other than the truth, hell yes.
My post that deal with him for the past two years will remain…and I will be able to go back and look at what I have experienced and be able to be ok with this outcome. I am not mad anymore…or hating anymore…I am just tired and I just hope he leaves me alone.

I have blocked his numbers from my phone...and my sons, so that he doesn't bother them. I have blocked his email address. I am moving out of town. I recognize my part in this chaos and no longer care about whether he takes responsibility for his actions. I no longer care for anything other than just moving forward. I can’t look in the past anymore concerning this experience. What’s done is done and now… I won’t dwell on it anymore.
So…this will be the last post that addresses him and our past relationship.
Unless of course he does something else...in which case, it would be just a documentation of evnets, for myself on the world wide web.
Afterall, I am not sure how far he is willing to go to make his point to his wife, so for safety issues...

We are better off not liking each other and he has shown me he was right… I was just the good time...and his wife is his lifetime…I have no problem with his definition of what our time was. He should focus on her like he should have been doing all along and I need to focus on me…since I have my fair share to atone for…