Writing My Wrongs

I went to take a shower at 4:30 in the afternoon. Needed to get ready for the evening festivities. Showered, hair did, and had about 40 minutes left to find something to wear. I must have changed 5 times.
I really didn’t want to go out but…I will soon be gone and impromptu outings with family will be lost. I have already wasted so many other times, being somewhere else with someone else, rather than hanging out with them.
…I wasn’t trying to be “sexy” with the aunties…but I wanted to feel good about myself, about my looks. Couldn’t find the happy medium and ended up with jeans, a wack shirt and my favorite gold sandals.


Sidenote: Please DO NOT click picture. My feet are ashy as hell and you ain't need to see that all up close dammit!

Everyone made it to my house and from there…we headed into DC…


I hadn’t even made it out of the car good before some ReRun look-a-like comes up to me and starts in on trying to convince my little group into coming upstairs to listen/dance to old skool 70’s and 80’s music. They had a BBQ buffet…so the idea of music and food for $5 was almost tempting…but…not a seller for me. But the group wanted to go see what ReRun was talking about.
Right off the bat…we walked into a “room” that looked like the Elks Lodge had been rented out by Uncle Boojack and Cousin Pookie…complete with a buffet that looked like someone had just brought in their leftovers from the 4th’s BBQ cook out in a backyard in Suitland. I am NOT eating some home cooked meal from Shaniqua’s oven while her sister Claritha braided hair at the kitchen table.
I told my group that they could eat there…but ummm, I cain’t…just cain’t.

SIDENOTE: I find it mind boggling that I have lived here 11 months and my aunties were asking me the directions to freaking U St. Ummm, just keep driving straight and follow the streets in alphabetical order…ummm, DUH! They have lived here since 1984…and I have lived here since 2008….and you are asking me how to get around? [/]

We ended up at a restaurant and after they order some strong ass drinks…we started talking…about what you ask?
Anal sex…and porno.
Now…my auntie’s grand-daughter gives pleasure parties…so that’s how we, sort of, got on the subject of sex. She pulls out one of her little brochures after the plates are cleared.
Now, y’all know that there is no shame in my sex game, so I didn’t even look at the book since I think I am pretty on par with the act of intimacy. Plus, I have all the toys I need to sustain myself in this new self-imposed draught that I am going to undergo for the next 6 months (well that’s the plan…but someone told me that plans are meant to be broken)…so I go back to watching ESPN while they talk shop. But then we go back to the roundtable discussion and I get drawn in.
They think I am so worldly and whatnot…but the questions they were asking weren’t “worldly” but more along the lines of “raunchy”…so I have to evaluate their definition of worldly.
Now, you all know I know a little something about Madness (read: porn) and that I may or may not have a small library of my own…but I found out that that may or may not run in my family. Like its hereditary or something. ‘Cause I found out that my auntie may or may not have her own library.
So we they start talking about the different…desires/fetishes/proclivities/perversions…such as…fisting…and double penetration. I was shocked to say the least. I mean, these are conversations that you have with your man…and/or girlfriends…and/or therapist…but your aunties? Not so much. And it was absolutely inappropriate…thank goodness we had no others sitting by us. It wouldn’t have matter though, since voices started to get higher since everyone wanted to be heard and share their little bit of sexual knowledge.
I kept my mouth shut. Oddly.
I mean, next to this little group of women…I realized I wasn’t as up on the freaky (that could be in me).
I realized that the old heads had more experience than I wanted to hear. And they had no qualms in talking about it.
I was speechless. No…really.
Well…until it came to my cousin. She looked at the group as if they had all suddenly talked Turkish. So I asked her if she had ever had anal, no. Have you ever entertained the thought of bringing a toy into the sex act, no. Ummm, how many positions have you tried, 2? She answers with a nervous laugh and says nooooo…as she puts her head down. I asked if she asks her man to slap her ass when he’s hittin’ it from the back…and she said “no, he does it on his own. I don’t see why he does it, I don’t get anything from the smack on the ass.”
She was so…uninterested and un-enthused that I felt that I needed to be sitting in a chair in the corner and coach them as she and her husband went at it. Of course that wouldn’t happen considering her husband barely likes me in the house much less…in the room with them as I was critiquing his sex game. Just sayin’…I could be a great sex therapist and coach…’cause clearly…he ain’t doin’ right by my cousin.
I should have known that the conversation was going to go loopy when they were ordering bar drinks and I was still drinking Shirley Temples and glasses of water.
I realized too late that a should have had a couple drinks to keep up with this conversation...'cause I was somewhat blushing...ummm, somewhat.

We left the restaurant and went to listened to some jazz. I actually fell asleep during the first 4 songs because…it was dark and the music was slow and sultry…and I haven’t stopped my mind from being active while I sleep. So I was in the right atmosphere for relaxing and finally…sleeping.
I shook it off and I pulled out my camera and took some pics of us… Looking at the pictures I am reminded that I look so much different than them…yet at the same time…we have the same facial features/characteristics. Our relation can not be disputed but…I am still different.

I got home by 11 and started in watching the telly and then that teary eyed-ness came back…
I cried over Stockard Channing and Angie Jolie…
Yea…It’s a given…I should be miserable next week. That’s ok because I was dreading that it would be just my luck that I wouldn’t be miserable in this way but in an entirely different way. So the emotions are understood…I will be miserable for 2.5 days next week.

Headed to Cap Blvd with AJ for my last little outing while in this area.
This time pictures will be taken!!! Last week we both had a lapse in memory and cameras were left in purses.

Hope you had a great Monday!

B~E~Z