Writing My Wrongs

I don't know what it is but I don't like it one bit.
Believe it or not...I am not the type that needs to be out and seen by everyone. Matter of fact, I'd rather be the person that sits in the corner without a lot of attention...it's the people watcher in me...

...lately I have been out a lot, a lot more than I need to be. And to be honest, I don't like it. When I say out...it's like going out...dressing up and going out...the drinking and going out...it's the spending too much money going out.

Started out with SOS coming to hang out with me on Friday night...its becoming something that it doesn't need to be and I am not backing away cautiously like I should. It's harder still by the fact he ain't walking away either...damn him.
Since I am not wanting to meet anyone knew and I am sort of illy with the Fireman...and everyone else is sort of blah...I am just enjoying the friendshsip we have and how comfortable we are.
Plus, this time around our friendship has evolved...I guess age will do that too you...we're in a different place individually as well as ...together.
I may be getting too comfortable but as soon as I get out of the funk from my last relationship, I will start to entertain the thought of dating a man...right now, I'm just not there...

...so, with that said...8 Patron shots later and I am ready to head home alone...but that's not quite how it turned out...

Saturday I was up fairly early despite being out so late the night before...Amus and I went to brunch which didn't help the hang-over. They have 7 different sangria mixes and it's all you can drink with brunch...yea, believe me when I say...I am doing too much right now and I am not even having as much fun as I should be. Which makes no fucking sense. I am definitely not acting my age and looking from my perspective, it's not a good thing.
I was tired and not relly wanting to head to the Hamptons... but of course with some harrassed convincing...I headed out to the island. $500 later and I am wondering...why the fuck did I bother. Not that I didn't want to go to the "hamptons" per se, but a nice weekend out at the beach is infintely more relaxing than being at some Russians dudes mansion and partying with people I don't know...but I was convinced...
Started off with me feeling bloated...but a couple of red bulls and being silly with my friends and I was in the mood to be seen....
Getting to the party was an adventure in and of itself.
I literally kissed the gravel in the parking lot...
BEFORE I even made it to the damn party...
Before I had a drink...
So I slipped back to wishing I was in Harlem, in a sundress and fliplops, enjoying a warm summer night with someone I want to be around....who is going to shower me with attention and lite kisses...
But I wasn't.
I was taking pics of this... :( My reminder that this was going to be a bad mistake...



All I am going to say about my Hamptons weekend...
I skinny dipped.
I took pictures.
...thank goodness...no one else had a camera but me...
And I have blackmail pics of people showing their ass...literally...and figuratively.
I went thru my pictures and deleted every picture that showed my tittie or ass...but...I must admit, there are some really sexy photos of moi...

I guess I am all weirded out over the whole thing...since I have never took a picture of myself showing any bodily parts...naked. SOS keeps asking me to send him a pic on his cell and I have refused everytime...I can't. I'm scary like that...
Well...
...obviously not anymore...
But best believe, it's not a habit I will be taking up...

However, I can check one more thing off my bucket list...