Wednesday, September 2, 2009
And Then There Were 4
I didn't know what Monday was going to hold for me...figured it was going to be like any other day in the life of Bloopty living in NYC. I knew I had set up two [2] dates per day for the whole week. So the majority of what I had "planned" was about working to be as beautiful as possible for my...menz. Again, nothing exciting or major.
So I rolled over in my bed and picked my bedfellow [read: cellphone] up off the pillow next to me... something, I couldn’t grasp, in the middle of the night was still sitting on the peripheral of my mind-space...
…so I clicked onto Contacts...and started my way down my friends to send out text to those that I hadn't spoken to in a while...to reconnect...because even though I hadn't spoke to them...I still cherished them. I started with "A" and started my way on down the alphabet...and for whatever reason I scrolled on down to "W" and started to send Will a text.
...and for whatever reason, I stopped...I got emotional.
I shook it off as being...off balance since moving to NYC and thinking about this week of 10-dates-in-5-days marathon I was about to undertake...
It was probably 5 minutes later that I got a response from Will and to be honest...I wanted to slap Will for delivering the information thru text. Even though seconds later I would send AJ and Slish the same info...and while talking to Slish, my call would be interrupted by Zed...and it was at that moment I realized...
We are friends first and bloggers second. We care about eachother and we read about eachother and as Nikki Harris and I have done for 5 years...we have peeked into eachothers lives and became voyeurs...and because I know I tell y'all things I probably wouldn't tell my in-person friends...I can imagine that you all do a little bit of that yourselves...
We sometimes know eachother better than friends or relatives.
We are friends...and in a slightly twisted way...we are family.
So...I cried. And I cried and I cried in a way that I have never cried for anyone...but here I was crying for Anika...I called her Nik. I call her Nik.
I’ve always said that I write to keep myself sane…and I guess that holds true more than any other time…on Monday.
I don't know about anyone else...
My grandmother died, my uncle died...but in all honesty, neither was a surprise. Loved them dearly. And even now I still sometimes forget my grandmother is gone because I dream so much about her...but...that's not the case with Nik...
I’ve never lost a friend. Someone that I knew…someone that I had laughed with, or talked about life experiences and plans with, or admired…
You see...Nikki was a rare, talented and beautiful woman who I envied for her talent, who I cherished as my inspiration and who was my road dog when it came to the raunchy that we both wrote about [hers with more flourish and imagination while I struggled for words other than "fuck"]. Nikki’s writing always touched me. Touched me in a way that didn’t speak about the story...but the way she could put words together…they way she was creative. She was funny, she was raw and not like me raw where I am self deprecating yet nonchalant...but hers was a real stank that flowed from her page when she was disgusted and poetic prose of want, admiration and feelings when she was inspired by the male species. She was awesome in her delivery...and her wit was quick and I sat back and silently hated on her...LOL
Nikki and I had a moment back in '06 regarding the chick/idiot/bitch that faked her death...we exchanged some words and for a minute...I wiped my hands of her and her wonderful writing. It wasn't ugly...we just didn't agree about something...
I let it go...walked away from her blog thinking that blah...there were a million and one blogs on the internet I would find another to replace her Indigo Thoughts…
Yes, there are a lot of blogs.
But none like Nik's and because I loved her personality, her words, her ability to make you feel what she felt when she wrote, her ability to make you laugh at her point of view, and admittedly, she made me learn because some of her shit was so deep...I had to re-read...because of all that, I moseyed on back and she folded me into her writers arms and all was right with the world again.
Outside of the blogworld we spoke, we IM'd, we emailed. I remember after an incident I had in Maryland [date-rape drug incident] Nik sent me an email that touched me...and made me cry.
Nik inspired me to be a better writer...and though I am nowhere near the level she was...I was always immensely proud when she told me I had written something well...or that she appreciated my candid-ness.
Just like my love for Aunt Jackie [Nisa]...I have been in love with Nikki for a long time. There are only 5 bloggers that I read faithfully AJ, Nikki, Zed, Cheap Seats and Chele...and now only 4.
I've lost a friend, a mentor, an inspiration and a sister.
Words could never and will never express/convey or show the enormity of the loss that the world has experienced…although…
As many of you have witnessed on FB and her blog…she has touched so many people…and as long as her work is out there…she will always be immortalized through her talent that she shared with us all.
Although I am so very sad in knowing I will not read anymore stories of her life’s experiences, or the clever word play in responses or daily conversation on FB/Twitter…
I thank God for having experienced her.
Anika Harris Vines
August 1, 1971 – August 30, 2009
Gone too soon.
Comments & Responses
nikki said...
damn, damn, and DAMN. yeah, i've got limits too. i want experience but the kind of experience that comes with being choosy and getting QUALITY vs. taking whatever and getting QUANTITY. i mean, how am i supposed to feel if brotha don't have standards? what that say about me?
Wed Sep 12, 10:37:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
this post sounds extremely wistful and i'm right there witcha. i especially like the part with stolen kisses. those are the best.
Mon Sep 24, 11:00:00 PM EDT
@ Nik: Stolen kisses and touches are always nice.
Well, not always...this morning on the crowded A train...I think I touched this guys weewee....it was mid-hard (or mid-soft depending on how you look at it)...woulda been a good look had I not had to touch his big o' belly first.
nikki said...
lmao@"i can only take you in small doses"
this cat doesn't sound all that appealing. good thing you kicking him to the curb, right? RIGHT?!?
Wed Oct 10, 02:53:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
i love the shoes!
I LOVE THE SHOES!
"largagus penisucus...latin for dick"
bwaaahaha! that's what i'm talking about. why is everyone so horny right about now? i'm right there with you, although i'm getting laid, probably tonight. at least, i think so. i gotta check.
i'll tell him to throw in a good stroke on your behalf.
Wed Oct 10, 02:45:00 PM EDT
Blah Blah Blah said...
@ Nik: If he's gonna stroke one for me... make usre he says Bloopty! loud as hell...and also tell him to make that cum stoke MY stroke...lol
*secretly hating on Nik 'cause she thinks she so fly 'cause she's getting dick and I ain't*
nikki said...
i really love the relationship you have with your dad. it's so beautiful...
Mon Jun 18, 10:16:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
the only person who gets most of my innermost thoughts is my brother, but that's cuz we grew up together. i trust that cat like i trust nobody else on this planet. i've held secrets and divulged secrets. i don't think there's a person out there who hasn't told a secret for one reason or another. sometimes it's necessary. sometimes it's done out of pettiness. i'm not above being petty, but i would hope it ain't a recent activity. meanwhile, trust is one of those things that i'd like to give to a person because i wanna believe i have faith in the goodness of folk, but i've come to realize not many folk i know have my absolute trust. not sure if i've suffered as result of being so mistrusting, but i figure it's just safer this way.
Mon Jul 09, 07:26:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
going backward means you ain't going forward (that was really deep of me if i do say so myself) and don cheadle is BEYOND fine. there is just something about that cat... i ain't gonna fight you over him though.
Tue Jul 10, 02:35:00 PM EDT
See you on the other side friend.
So I rolled over in my bed and picked my bedfellow [read: cellphone] up off the pillow next to me... something, I couldn’t grasp, in the middle of the night was still sitting on the peripheral of my mind-space...
…so I clicked onto Contacts...and started my way down my friends to send out text to those that I hadn't spoken to in a while...to reconnect...because even though I hadn't spoke to them...I still cherished them. I started with "A" and started my way on down the alphabet...and for whatever reason I scrolled on down to "W" and started to send Will a text.
...and for whatever reason, I stopped...I got emotional.
I shook it off as being...off balance since moving to NYC and thinking about this week of 10-dates-in-5-days marathon I was about to undertake...
It was probably 5 minutes later that I got a response from Will and to be honest...I wanted to slap Will for delivering the information thru text. Even though seconds later I would send AJ and Slish the same info...and while talking to Slish, my call would be interrupted by Zed...and it was at that moment I realized...
We are friends first and bloggers second. We care about eachother and we read about eachother and as Nikki Harris and I have done for 5 years...we have peeked into eachothers lives and became voyeurs...and because I know I tell y'all things I probably wouldn't tell my in-person friends...I can imagine that you all do a little bit of that yourselves...
We sometimes know eachother better than friends or relatives.
We are friends...and in a slightly twisted way...we are family.
So...I cried. And I cried and I cried in a way that I have never cried for anyone...but here I was crying for Anika...I called her Nik. I call her Nik.
I’ve always said that I write to keep myself sane…and I guess that holds true more than any other time…on Monday.
I don't know about anyone else...
My grandmother died, my uncle died...but in all honesty, neither was a surprise. Loved them dearly. And even now I still sometimes forget my grandmother is gone because I dream so much about her...but...that's not the case with Nik...
I’ve never lost a friend. Someone that I knew…someone that I had laughed with, or talked about life experiences and plans with, or admired…
You see...Nikki was a rare, talented and beautiful woman who I envied for her talent, who I cherished as my inspiration and who was my road dog when it came to the raunchy that we both wrote about [hers with more flourish and imagination while I struggled for words other than "fuck"]. Nikki’s writing always touched me. Touched me in a way that didn’t speak about the story...but the way she could put words together…they way she was creative. She was funny, she was raw and not like me raw where I am self deprecating yet nonchalant...but hers was a real stank that flowed from her page when she was disgusted and poetic prose of want, admiration and feelings when she was inspired by the male species. She was awesome in her delivery...and her wit was quick and I sat back and silently hated on her...LOL
Nikki and I had a moment back in '06 regarding the chick/idiot/bitch that faked her death...we exchanged some words and for a minute...I wiped my hands of her and her wonderful writing. It wasn't ugly...we just didn't agree about something...
I let it go...walked away from her blog thinking that blah...there were a million and one blogs on the internet I would find another to replace her Indigo Thoughts…
Yes, there are a lot of blogs.
But none like Nik's and because I loved her personality, her words, her ability to make you feel what she felt when she wrote, her ability to make you laugh at her point of view, and admittedly, she made me learn because some of her shit was so deep...I had to re-read...because of all that, I moseyed on back and she folded me into her writers arms and all was right with the world again.
Outside of the blogworld we spoke, we IM'd, we emailed. I remember after an incident I had in Maryland [date-rape drug incident] Nik sent me an email that touched me...and made me cry.
Nik inspired me to be a better writer...and though I am nowhere near the level she was...I was always immensely proud when she told me I had written something well...or that she appreciated my candid-ness.
Just like my love for Aunt Jackie [Nisa]...I have been in love with Nikki for a long time. There are only 5 bloggers that I read faithfully AJ, Nikki, Zed, Cheap Seats and Chele...and now only 4.
I've lost a friend, a mentor, an inspiration and a sister.
Words could never and will never express/convey or show the enormity of the loss that the world has experienced…although…
As many of you have witnessed on FB and her blog…she has touched so many people…and as long as her work is out there…she will always be immortalized through her talent that she shared with us all.
Although I am so very sad in knowing I will not read anymore stories of her life’s experiences, or the clever word play in responses or daily conversation on FB/Twitter…
I thank God for having experienced her.
Anika Harris Vines
August 1, 1971 – August 30, 2009
Gone too soon.
Comments & Responses
nikki said...
damn, damn, and DAMN. yeah, i've got limits too. i want experience but the kind of experience that comes with being choosy and getting QUALITY vs. taking whatever and getting QUANTITY. i mean, how am i supposed to feel if brotha don't have standards? what that say about me?
Wed Sep 12, 10:37:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
this post sounds extremely wistful and i'm right there witcha. i especially like the part with stolen kisses. those are the best.
Mon Sep 24, 11:00:00 PM EDT
@ Nik: Stolen kisses and touches are always nice.
Well, not always...this morning on the crowded A train...I think I touched this guys weewee....it was mid-hard (or mid-soft depending on how you look at it)...woulda been a good look had I not had to touch his big o' belly first.
nikki said...
lmao@"i can only take you in small doses"
this cat doesn't sound all that appealing. good thing you kicking him to the curb, right? RIGHT?!?
Wed Oct 10, 02:53:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
i love the shoes!
I LOVE THE SHOES!
"largagus penisucus...latin for dick"
bwaaahaha! that's what i'm talking about. why is everyone so horny right about now? i'm right there with you, although i'm getting laid, probably tonight. at least, i think so. i gotta check.
i'll tell him to throw in a good stroke on your behalf.
Wed Oct 10, 02:45:00 PM EDT
Blah Blah Blah said...
@ Nik: If he's gonna stroke one for me... make usre he says Bloopty! loud as hell...and also tell him to make that cum stoke MY stroke...lol
*secretly hating on Nik 'cause she thinks she so fly 'cause she's getting dick and I ain't*
nikki said...
i really love the relationship you have with your dad. it's so beautiful...
Mon Jun 18, 10:16:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
the only person who gets most of my innermost thoughts is my brother, but that's cuz we grew up together. i trust that cat like i trust nobody else on this planet. i've held secrets and divulged secrets. i don't think there's a person out there who hasn't told a secret for one reason or another. sometimes it's necessary. sometimes it's done out of pettiness. i'm not above being petty, but i would hope it ain't a recent activity. meanwhile, trust is one of those things that i'd like to give to a person because i wanna believe i have faith in the goodness of folk, but i've come to realize not many folk i know have my absolute trust. not sure if i've suffered as result of being so mistrusting, but i figure it's just safer this way.
Mon Jul 09, 07:26:00 PM EDT
nikki said...
going backward means you ain't going forward (that was really deep of me if i do say so myself) and don cheadle is BEYOND fine. there is just something about that cat... i ain't gonna fight you over him though.
Tue Jul 10, 02:35:00 PM EDT
See you on the other side friend.
# posted by Blah Blah Blah : 9:15 PM
