Writing My Wrongs

The back of my thighs are killing me. I obviously did some sort of movement that could be construed as a work out of some sort but…it could be that my old and fat ass is just out of shape. I’d realized that I have actually been lying dormant for a good month now. What with being sick and all…and then just the fact that the most activity I do is taking a shower…moving around to make sure that I am getting all the necessary areas as clean as possible. Which I have to admit…is a workout in and of itself…and that’s pretty pathetic to have to admit that I tire myself out when I take a shower.
I am out of shape, definitely.

This is another entry in my relationship dialogue.


There is a certain time of day, when the sky is a soft lavender and the world hasn’t quite awaken to the morning chirps of birds as they twitter about from branch to branch…
The sun hasn’t made itself known to a brand new day…it sits under the black veil of night that’s slowly fading…
It’s at that time, that I sometimes, feel alone.

Alone doesn’t mean lonely…it means, alone.

The lavender time of day is when I like to have sex. Not quite the morning…so after the slow grind has made me softly moan and curled my toes, and made me bite my bottom lip in ecstasy, I have time to drift off to another place and drift between awake and contented bliss before the sun peaks out over the tops of skyscrapers and hits my bedroom window. My mind is on little else than rest, satiation, and relaxing.

Being single, well…my mornings aren’t always filled with lavender love. I’m alone, awake with thoughts and promises, checklists and errands, duties and calls to be made start to invade the start to my day. I’m alone, thinking of the things that will determine whether this day will be a success. And before I know it, I am wishing for the sun to rise so I can get a jump start.

I miss those soft lavender skies…as much as I miss that golden time of day when all that was done for the day can not be taken back and where I am comforted in knowing I didn’t get through the day by myself, as I lay in the comfort of someone’s arms and feel relatively safe in knowing someone has my back, as much as, I have theirs.

With that said…

I know that life-long relationships aren’t for everyone. I have a deep down feeling that they aren’t necessarily for me. That doesn’t take away from the fact that I’d like to be in a relationship from time to time. As beautiful and fulfilling as I know that a relationship can be…it is hard work. I’m all for putting in grunt work, I’m all for rolling up the sleeves and maybe even having to get mired knee deep in some bullshit in order to get to the good stuff.

But… I feel like some labor laws have been broken by the amount of work I’ve had to put forth in the past. I need some comp time to recoup, otherwise I’m going to have to count my losses and retire.