Writing My Wrongs

As some of you may or may not know…I have been sick…bedridden sick and quite delirious. Ok, I know I am making it sound a billion times worse than it really was but…believe me that I was sick …and bed ridden…
With that said…I had 3 dreams in the midst of my delirium…3 very odd and disturbing dreams...well maybe not disturbing but definitely made me sit back and think of what all of them could mean.

Setup to 1st dream:
I don’t know how many of you have seen Secretary with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhal but this dream bordered on sexual and professional.
I was working for my last boss, a multi-million dollar CEO, who had on more than one occasion made good use of his hands while touching my bodily parts…as far as he was concerned I was part of the package when he took his Chairman of the Board position.
At first I was sort of curious because here, this white silver haired gentleman in his mid 60’s was trying to get my attention every time I turned around. At first I was just wondering if I was over-reacting as most cute women are want to do when someone is nice to them…we tend to think everyone is trying to make some sort of move towards us. As the years went by I took his mild flirting as office politics concerning getting things done in a speedy fashion…it’s done the world over…whether by bringing in coffee and donuts, to offering to pick up something for lunch while one is out of the office.
As days meld into months and months into more years…He’d touch me when it was not needed and giving me hugs when they weren’t warranted…
Clearly, he had planted naughty thoughts into my head…

DREAM 1
Scene1: Me at a size 6, black pencil skirt with fishnets, 4 inch patent leather heels and a crisp white short sleeve shirt that bow tied at the neck.
I was straddling him at his desk and giving him a head massage. I remember my right breast occasionally brushing against his lower lip depending on how far back on his head I massaged. His right and left hands were also on my left and right thigh…he was enjoying the feel of the fishnets as they stretched taught against my thighs and ass.

Scene2: Same outfit but this time I was bending over the antique round table he’d brought back from Asia…he was behind me about to tear my fishnets as he was trying to make a big enough hole for him to slip his cock thru to get to my bare and shaved sugar walls…just as someone walked into his office…we both looked back with surprised looks…

Scene3: He had a meeting at the table I was just bending over and I’d come in to bring tea to the men and he dropped a pen on the floor and I bent down to pick up the pen and exposed my garter and fire engine red lace panties and he excused him self from the meeting and took me into the CFO’s office and made me spank him for dropping his pen, with a small leather paddle that left his ass blood red. He bent down at my feet and sucked my toes before I let him go back into his meeting.

Setup to 2nd dream
Dude introduced me to one of his best friends.
This friend I was only around once. He was nice, in a young way. Dude always spoke more positively about this friend then any other one. When I met him he was cordial but I never got a good feeling from him either. Not bad, just not good. I wasn’t attracted to him in the least and at the time, I couldn’t think of any of my friends that would be attracted to him right off the bat… he was ordinary to me…or so I thought…

DREAM 2
Scene:
I knew the caller as soon as I saw the caller ID and wondered what Jamal could possibly be calling me for. I almost didn’t pick it up thinking it might be news about Dude. Good or bad, I didn’t care to hear it.
But curiosity got me and…
Hey you, what’s up?
Hey Bloop, this is Jahmal
I know silly…what’s going on?
Just checking in on you to make sure all is good with you.
Now why would you be doing that Jahmal?
Aw, c’mon Bloop…just wondering.
I am good. Happy.
That’s good to hear. I am happy for you. Say look, there was another reason for me calling… I am going to be in New York City for a couple of days for work…was wondering if you could tell me a few places to hang out. Dude always used to talk about all the places you’d taken him to…so I wanted to see what you had for me. Any suggestions.
Sure Jahmal.

Scene2:
I’d worn jeans, a colorful shirt and some heels. In between responding to text, silly shit to random guys, I kept looking to the elevator. Nervous, a little, but more than ready for drama if it was going to unfold.
I glanced up and there he was stepping off the elevator…walking towards me with a boyish grin on his face. He looked like he was caught between good and bad…hesitant.

Scene3:
I took him to China 1. Knew I shouldn’t have because it was a very romantic and intimate lounge, if that is at all possible. When I am in the right atmosphere I can be more than what can be denied. I wasn’t looking for that. Flirted with all the random white dudes. Danced with all the random Asian chicks and wanted him to do him…because he looked scared. He made me uneasy as if any minute I was going to turn around and see Dude standing inches from me with crazy stuck in his eyes.

Scene4:
His head was resting on my lap on the taxi ride up to the hotel, he’d drank one more than he should have, my influence of course. This big ol man, so soft and cuddly in the back of this cramped taxi. He kept murmuring his wifes name. I smiled. Glad that nothing was as I thought it might be. He really just called to hang out.

Scene5:
He asked me why I hadn’t invited him to my place, despite hanging out with him 3 days in a row.
Told him I lived further out, I am no longer in the city. And why would I?
He said he’d still like to consider us friends despite who introduced us.
I told him I never thought we were friends, I never thought he was someone I could call on…and I still didn’t. Let him know he had surprised me by hanging out, the way Dude talked about him…I’d never thought that he would be the type of friend that would keep in contact with one of Dude's ex’s.
He mentioned how he had his own thoughts about that whole situation and how it was handled. He felt bad for both of us. He said he guessed that’s why he wanted to see if I was happy.

Scene6:
He leaned in…and I didn’t move. He leaned further and I felt his bottom lip touch my top lip…felt his bottom lip fit itself into the space between my top and bottom lip. I felt my back being pressed into the kitchen counter, it hurt. But I didn’t move. Well, I did move…my tongue. I brought it out and tasted his lips as he sucked on my lips and then I felt his tongue tasting my tongue and I thought that I was going to have an orgasmn right there, just like that. He tasted like the Jack n’ Coke I’d fixed him early. I may have gotten drunk off his lips to…it could have been the leftover Jack n’ Coke…either way…I didn’t move.
By the time he lifted me onto the counter and started slowly lifting my skirt, I realized that I was unbuckling his belt and headed straight for the zipper on his pants when it dawned on both of us at the very same time...what we were doing.
We stopped.
Looked at eachother…both swore, him a “fuck”, me an “oh shit”…we looked away from eathother but yet…we didn’t move away.
I slightly pushed away…hopped down from the counter and left him there. Did what I always do…put on my jazz, lit some candles…went back into the kitchen and lead him by his hand to the bedroom…sat him on the bed then closed my bedroom door.

Setup for 3rd dream
My grandmother and uncle have past away. They have been gone for some years now. My uncle first, about 13 years and then my grandmother about 8 years.

DREAM 3
Scene: I am sitting in a classroom. Clearly it’s an elementary classroom. I am sitting at a table in one of those miniature tables that they have for kids. My knees are scrapping the bottom of the table as I try to pull my legs underneath. I settle on pulling my legs under with my legs crossed at the ankles.
I am watching some sort of play…but the only people are my grandmother and my uncle…there seem to be a lot of people watching the play but when I turn my head to look behind me…I realize I am the only one in the room.
I can’t here any noise. Not even the words to the play.
Its like it’s all being done telepathically.
After the play is complete…my grandmother and uncle come to sit at the table with me. Although no words are spoken aloud, they are very adamant about what they are trying to tell me.
I can tell that they are getting frustrated with me. Because even though I haven’t said anything, I am in disagreement with whatever they want.
My uncle gets up from the table and goes to the door where there is a bright white light shining in the hallway…he goes to leave then turns back around and waves at me to follow him.
I don’t. I continue to “talk” with my grandmother.
She starts begging me and it looks like I am hurting her.
She gets up, to go to the door. She starts to walk through the door to the bright white light.
She turns to me like my uncle had…
She waves me toward her urging me to come with her.
She is yelling at me [silently] to follow her.
I shake my head no and tell her that I can’t.
She tells me I can, just to get up from the table and come.
I get up, push my miniature chair under the little kids table and take two steps then stop.
I look at her and cry, she cries too.
I tell her I can’t come.
She puts her arm down, then she bows her head and turns and walks into the bright light.