Writing My Wrongs

You ever been so sick that you forgot how it felt, to feel good?
That's where I was for the past 2 weeks.
But now...it's a brand new day and although I still have a slight case of bronchitis, the flu is gone...I am much much better.

So...last night I received a text from, the Fireman...random, nothing important type of text. Apparently there was a big fire somewhere in NY and his battalion [or whatever they are called] had spent 4 hours out at the fire. He said he was going to get drunk then go home and wash up since he smelled like he'd literally stepped out of a camp fire.
I hadn't really thought to much of it when he asked if he could stop by. Figured it would be an in and out type of thing. I live ridiculously close to him since I moved and although I haven't seen a problem with it thus far...I can see that it might end up bugging the hell out of me in the long run.

So he comes over and I am not overly gracious for the simple fact he never really said he was coming/no coming...so I wasn't prepared for my doorbell to ring.
I was in some scantly clad jamma outfit that I was definitely going to change if he decided he was coming over. Even I knew what I had on meant I might be open to some...bullshit.
I was in the middle of making some BBQ ribs...marinating them and getting them ready for today.
When be rang the doorbell ...way too many times...I finally answered and made sure to turn my back to him real quick because...well...it was chilly...and I told y'all I had some thin little jammas on...so...my nipples were hard little nubs that were almost painful...so I folded my arms over my chest and told him hello. Then tried to walk back to the bedroom...
...but he's drunk. And he wants a hug. And he slips in a quick feel or two. AND right there is when I knew that having him living this close was going to bug the fuck outta me.
I gave him the alli-oop and dodged his hands before they could take hold and went in the room and put on some sweats.

He starts telling me about the fire...and I almost let it slip that I am somewhat getting acquainted with another fireman...in New Jersey.
But held my tongue because I realize...I can't fuck up game.
I want to talk to him but right now, he can't be reasoned with because he becomes this other person when he's been drinking and where the respectful guy goes...is out the door...and this icky guy surfaces.
And once again...I go back to being turned off to the gajillionth degree.
So I sit at my table and continue to look up hotels for DC this weekend. And the first question he asks me about DC is, "are you going to see that one guy?"
At first I didn’t understand what guy because I still got a few there…and those few are who I am going to visit this weekend. Then it dawns on me that he is referring to the guy from the last two years.

Now normally nice respectful Fireman would never question me about another man...EVER. So it thru me off guard for a minute... but I told him that was never going to happen. He harrumphed and made a little comment under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear… as he took his seat. I looked at him sideways for a minute because ...really? These past 5 years that I have known Fireman...he's never had an opinion about any man...so...he's asking now because he's drunk...or has he been harboring some jealously all these years?

Then he asks me another doozy. He asks me if he can come with me to DC since he has the next 4 days off. Now had he asked me anywhere else I would have said yes…
But first off, this particular trip was because my cousin asked me. Second, I have actually set up 4 “dates” while I am going to be there…so him coming with me…ever…to DC is as good of chance as asking me to sit in a snake pit and me saying, sure!
Of course I can’t say that …I can’t fuck up game. And settle on the answer I give everyone that’s asked me… I am going to spend time with family, which is very much true…but with extra on the side.

He casually says he has to take a shower because he smells like smoke.
I ignored it.
I wasn't trying to have him all comfortable and ready to sleep over. I've only been here 13 days...I hadn't wanted any sleep-overs until California came to visit for in November.
But even with him…it won’t be this. It’ll be like a hand in glove.
I don't know...I just wanted to be selfish with my place until I said it was ok for someone to stay over. So I ignored his shower comment and kept it moving from living room to kitchen to laptop...

3 more times and I couldn't ignore him any longer. I started feeling bad because...well...as many times as I have been over his place and taking showers...and he always offered. He used to cook dinner and then bring me food in Harlem. He has turned the city upside down looking for my favorite champagne. He's paid my bills. He's bought me diamonds.
He's confessed his spaghetti no less.
So fuck it...why couldn’t he take his shower to wipe away the grime and smoke of a hard days work after protecting families and others people property at great risk to his own person...
He has an honorable job.
Overall he’s just a really good friend. But NOT that damn good if you catch my drift…
So I handed him a towel and wash cloth.
…but silently wondered why he’d take a shower if he had to put his stank clothes back on…

I'd gotten into looking at overstockdotcom and watching my dvd, that I completely lost track of time or anything around me and it wasn't until maybe 45 minutes later that it his me that it was awfully quiet and I hadn't seen or heard him.

I walked down the hallway and saw that the bathroom door was closed so I thought he was still in there, so I walked into my room to make it look like I wasn't stalking him...

And who the fuck is butt ass naked in my bed snoring like a fucking pig [do pig snore?]?????
This muthafucka right here!!!

I swear fo gawd I wanted to slap the shit out of him…I wanted to wake his drunk ass up and tell him to go home.
Oooooooo how I hated him being in my bed...in my new place...and without invitation from me!!!

I may have called him a bitch under my breath...I am pretty sure I did.
I closed the door behind me as I went back into the living room...
I just kept shaking my head in disgust and asking myself, “are you fucking kidding me??”
I wanted to make sure he was in the bed in deep sleep before I got in it...so I stayed up until 2am watching tv.

I crept in...coughed up a storm as I laid down, cursed myself for making too much noise lest I wake him.
Got in the bed and snuggled up in my covers...as I laid on the very edge. Making sure that no parts of him touched no parts of me…no toes, elbows or assholes…nothing!
I fell asleep for an hour...

…then was awaken by his loud ass snoring.
And again, I wanted to slap the shit out of him.
I can't stand anything worse then sleeping real good ...and then someone waking you up with some locomotive snores!
I felt miserable.

Today, I ignored every fucking text he sent me…lest he be drunk again…
He gamed me!
Had he been sober he would’ve probably had some octopus hands…but had he been sober…his ass wouldn’t have been snoring all up in my bed…I’dda sent his ass home!