Friday, September 29, 2006
...I Am Not An Angry
...bitch.
at least I don't think I am.
Maybe I am and just don't know it.... hmmmmm
Either way I have been feeling a little irritable lately. About everything. To the point of knowing that I am irritated AND being irritating....but I can't seem to stop myself. Apologizing every 5 minutes because of something I said or how I said it. I am honestly and sincerely asking you to forgive me ... honestly. I know it seems redundant... and after a while a little irrelevant...because I continue to be this ass...
again...
sorry...
honest.
When I got back from California... I came into work and sat at my desk...just sat there... thinking... what the fuck??...a few minutes later I got a phone call... I suppose my earlier thought was a premonition...
It was
The Itch.
You see, with me... it's out of sight out of mind. I have too many other things in my life... well, other people in my life... to worry, think, wonder about what's going on with an old... love. So even though The Itch could have been my husband/future/life (and still might be...a discussion for another day)... I had removed him from my thoughts.
As soon as I heard his voice... that crease showed up.
What crease?
The crease between my eyes when I am disgusted.
"Mom would like you to give her a call." ::that's YOUR momma...::
"What are you doing for the holidays?" ::WHY?::
"I miss you." ::ugh! as I rolled my eyes::
"I really miss you." ::I start to tune him out::
"Do you need anything?" ::not from you::
"You don't want to talk to me, do you?" ::for what?::
"Do you miss me?" ::I gotta get back to work *click*::
Now, I have Yahmony telling me that I don't need to worry about anything. What he has become (or has always been)...is desperate. Like I always say... I am some kind of wonderful... but I am not outstanding... LOL I have become this man's weakness (for now)...do I take advantage of it? Since, after all, that's what I planned on doing before I even met him? That's my plan whenever I meet a man. My thoughts.... How does spending time with you...benefit me? That's my standard question to myself when I meet a man.
I know your getting alot from me this week...alot of who Bloopty is. A pretty picture but not all that pretty when it comes to content... oh well. I know my flaws... I suppose I feel ok with you knowing them. After all, I am not the type of personality that too much cares what other people think, it's a selfish trait. I was wondering if I have always been this way. I say yes. It's my daddy's "fault". Even though in my eyes (as his daughter)...he has no faults...but as a woman...he has many.
SO let's explore my current (lack of) character/integrity...I was brought up by my daddy and my 4 uncles. Only child... only girl in a house full of men. Too say I was spoiled is an understatement. The stories told as I played... thinking that I wasn't listening. The things I've seen as I peeked through keyholes. The little bits of wisdom they imparted on me about men... what to look for, what to accept, what to walk away from.... I am who I am... because of them... for good or for bad.
I moved out of my daddy's house in with my husband... he reminded me so much of my daddy...that I caught myself many times before "dad" would come from my lips. That man had me on a pedestal. Kept me there while he went out and did his fucking with other woman. He didn't want me doing certain things...because he thought I was to "good" to do it. I had a 5 bedroom house... 2 car garage... 2 beautiful boys... swimming pool... I didn't have to work. I cooked and cleaned but he brought in a cleaning lady. So... my days were spent with dropping the kids off at work... coming back home and swimming laps... helping out in the boys class room... boyscouts and sports with the boys. My life in one word: Pampered.
From my husbands house...I moved back to my daddy's house.
Every man from May 2000 that I have been involved with... has taken care of me. Bills paid. Cars. Trips. Money set aside for the boys.
I don't know if my personality has searched these men out... uncounsciously... or conscioulsy. But it's always been that way. It has now become my expectation. Thing about it.......I am getting to old for this shit.
Maybe I have the sort of personality that makes people want to take care of me. After all, I have had quite a few people tell me that they feel the need to do just that. My last year in California... a man bought me a 2004 Lexus. Why? I don't know. But I took it... Why? Because he wanted me to. Within the first 4 months of knowing The Itch... he had spent a good $10,000 on me. Why? I don't know. But I let him... Why? Because he wanted to.
I am approaching my 37th year...rapidly. I have no real skills... looks are fading... temperment is changing... and I am realizing... like the woman who has been married for 25 years and faces a divorce...
wondering, what do I do now?
How will I survive in the years to come?
Who will I lean on?
Depend on?
I have to depend on myself... I suppose.
at least I don't think I am.
Maybe I am and just don't know it.... hmmmmm
Either way I have been feeling a little irritable lately. About everything. To the point of knowing that I am irritated AND being irritating....but I can't seem to stop myself. Apologizing every 5 minutes because of something I said or how I said it. I am honestly and sincerely asking you to forgive me ... honestly. I know it seems redundant... and after a while a little irrelevant...because I continue to be this ass...
again...
sorry...
honest.
When I got back from California... I came into work and sat at my desk...just sat there... thinking... what the fuck??...a few minutes later I got a phone call... I suppose my earlier thought was a premonition...
It was
The Itch.
You see, with me... it's out of sight out of mind. I have too many other things in my life... well, other people in my life... to worry, think, wonder about what's going on with an old... love. So even though The Itch could have been my husband/future/life (and still might be...a discussion for another day)... I had removed him from my thoughts.
As soon as I heard his voice... that crease showed up.
What crease?
The crease between my eyes when I am disgusted.
"Mom would like you to give her a call." ::that's YOUR momma...::
"What are you doing for the holidays?" ::WHY?::
"I miss you." ::ugh! as I rolled my eyes::
"I really miss you." ::I start to tune him out::
"Do you need anything?" ::not from you::
"You don't want to talk to me, do you?" ::for what?::
"Do you miss me?" ::I gotta get back to work *click*::
Now, I have Yahmony telling me that I don't need to worry about anything. What he has become (or has always been)...is desperate. Like I always say... I am some kind of wonderful... but I am not outstanding... LOL I have become this man's weakness (for now)...do I take advantage of it? Since, after all, that's what I planned on doing before I even met him? That's my plan whenever I meet a man. My thoughts.... How does spending time with you...benefit me? That's my standard question to myself when I meet a man.
I know your getting alot from me this week...alot of who Bloopty is. A pretty picture but not all that pretty when it comes to content... oh well. I know my flaws... I suppose I feel ok with you knowing them. After all, I am not the type of personality that too much cares what other people think, it's a selfish trait. I was wondering if I have always been this way. I say yes. It's my daddy's "fault". Even though in my eyes (as his daughter)...he has no faults...but as a woman...he has many.
SO let's explore my current (lack of) character/integrity...I was brought up by my daddy and my 4 uncles. Only child... only girl in a house full of men. Too say I was spoiled is an understatement. The stories told as I played... thinking that I wasn't listening. The things I've seen as I peeked through keyholes. The little bits of wisdom they imparted on me about men... what to look for, what to accept, what to walk away from.... I am who I am... because of them... for good or for bad.
I moved out of my daddy's house in with my husband... he reminded me so much of my daddy...that I caught myself many times before "dad" would come from my lips. That man had me on a pedestal. Kept me there while he went out and did his fucking with other woman. He didn't want me doing certain things...because he thought I was to "good" to do it. I had a 5 bedroom house... 2 car garage... 2 beautiful boys... swimming pool... I didn't have to work. I cooked and cleaned but he brought in a cleaning lady. So... my days were spent with dropping the kids off at work... coming back home and swimming laps... helping out in the boys class room... boyscouts and sports with the boys. My life in one word: Pampered.
From my husbands house...I moved back to my daddy's house.
Every man from May 2000 that I have been involved with... has taken care of me. Bills paid. Cars. Trips. Money set aside for the boys.
I don't know if my personality has searched these men out... uncounsciously... or conscioulsy. But it's always been that way. It has now become my expectation. Thing about it.......I am getting to old for this shit.
Maybe I have the sort of personality that makes people want to take care of me. After all, I have had quite a few people tell me that they feel the need to do just that. My last year in California... a man bought me a 2004 Lexus. Why? I don't know. But I took it... Why? Because he wanted me to. Within the first 4 months of knowing The Itch... he had spent a good $10,000 on me. Why? I don't know. But I let him... Why? Because he wanted to.
I am approaching my 37th year...rapidly. I have no real skills... looks are fading... temperment is changing... and I am realizing... like the woman who has been married for 25 years and faces a divorce...
wondering, what do I do now?
How will I survive in the years to come?
Who will I lean on?
Depend on?
I have to depend on myself... I suppose.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
....and you say what???
How many of us thnk that we are above the average person?
Male or female.
Thinking because of your degree, net worth, affiliation, book smarts, street smarts, looks or anything else that people feel they need to declare themselves as, has or being above the norm or better than or all knowing.
SIDENOTE: So that I can start off on the worst possible foot there is... let me say that I don't have the type of degree to be throwing around, as so many people like to do to make sure that ..."guess what...yea, back in GRAD school..blah blah blah" (why do ppl say that? that's pretentious as hell because all you need to do is tell me the fucken story). I don't have the type of net worth that has banks trying to knock down my door, handing me money hand over fist. I am not apart of any affliliation (I am but I am SO not active). I am not book smart because I can't retain information long enough for it to matter. I am not street smart because I was raised semi upper-class in the "good" part of town, I didn't get in the streets, I just knew people from the streets. And as for my looks...well, I never took advantage of them until I left my husband and they are fading, so at this point...I can't use that as my coup de grace in need to establish myself.
...I say all this to say...
Are any of us original? Has any one of the women reading ever found someone that was truly original? Through word or deed? I realize that my ratio is totally diff than most of y'all...so maybe it's just more pronounced. I am not the brightest star in the universe or the sharpest tool in the toolshed...but...
I haven't. I am telling you that I know what comes next. I can see where that may seem pretty cocky of me and makes it seem as if I am all knowing. I am not. As y'all know. Yet, I can not for the life of me think of a single person that has stood out as uniquely original. I have dated so many men. I know I say that...but y'all have no idea what I mean by "so many". I am speaking hundreds in a 6 year period. Date after date, man after man, face after face... I am not ashamed to say that dating has been my profession basically. Part-time with full-time results. I have met men from all types of backgrounds...and yet, I can pretty much tell you without a doubt...how a situation is going to go down. For the most part, I can say it's because I am the woman and that's the reason things go down the way they do because women usually are the ones giving the red light. Yet, for me...it's as Invictus states..."I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." I know where to place my 'shit" to get the results I want...or need.
I once had a boyfriend who told me (in a cold unfeeling tone) that I am the most calculating person he has ever met. At the time I wanted to (and did) disagree but as the words were coming out of my mouth... I knew he was right. As I have stated before... I know my faults. Calculating the best results for me...is what I do.
I knew this day would come...just as I know there will be many more from others.
I thought, if I could just bring it to the point I wanted... I could make it work for me. After all, I have been here before. Fucked around and acted to slow on some shit I should have eliminated. Should have let go and let loose. So...here it is almost a year and within that time... 4 people have told me they love me. I think this will be the last one for the year... I hope it is the last one because having the "I'm not where you are..." conversation sucks.
I know that the love they have for me is so much more prounounced than the reality. I am "good" in their eyes at the time of their declaration. I can protest and try to convince them otherwise...but that beginning part of love that has people stupidly saying the "LOVE" word and acting even more than thinking...well... that's where he is right now...
He hasn't said anything to me any different than what I have heard countless times. No new moves...no surprises outta his back pocket... he's not cuter or smarter, neither is he more clever with a witty mind... he is just who he is and I am who I am. I haven't re-invented myself in any way... I am have been the same person with each one of them...nothing to "make" them fall in love...or THINK thye are in love...just been me... and now...we might be an us.
Because I failed to "pull out" before his love was produced.
Male or female.
Thinking because of your degree, net worth, affiliation, book smarts, street smarts, looks or anything else that people feel they need to declare themselves as, has or being above the norm or better than or all knowing.
SIDENOTE: So that I can start off on the worst possible foot there is... let me say that I don't have the type of degree to be throwing around, as so many people like to do to make sure that ..."guess what...yea, back in GRAD school..blah blah blah" (why do ppl say that? that's pretentious as hell because all you need to do is tell me the fucken story). I don't have the type of net worth that has banks trying to knock down my door, handing me money hand over fist. I am not apart of any affliliation (I am but I am SO not active). I am not book smart because I can't retain information long enough for it to matter. I am not street smart because I was raised semi upper-class in the "good" part of town, I didn't get in the streets, I just knew people from the streets. And as for my looks...well, I never took advantage of them until I left my husband and they are fading, so at this point...I can't use that as my coup de grace in need to establish myself.
...I say all this to say...
Are any of us original? Has any one of the women reading ever found someone that was truly original? Through word or deed? I realize that my ratio is totally diff than most of y'all...so maybe it's just more pronounced. I am not the brightest star in the universe or the sharpest tool in the toolshed...but...
I haven't. I am telling you that I know what comes next. I can see where that may seem pretty cocky of me and makes it seem as if I am all knowing. I am not. As y'all know. Yet, I can not for the life of me think of a single person that has stood out as uniquely original. I have dated so many men. I know I say that...but y'all have no idea what I mean by "so many". I am speaking hundreds in a 6 year period. Date after date, man after man, face after face... I am not ashamed to say that dating has been my profession basically. Part-time with full-time results. I have met men from all types of backgrounds...and yet, I can pretty much tell you without a doubt...how a situation is going to go down. For the most part, I can say it's because I am the woman and that's the reason things go down the way they do because women usually are the ones giving the red light. Yet, for me...it's as Invictus states..."I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." I know where to place my 'shit" to get the results I want...or need.
I once had a boyfriend who told me (in a cold unfeeling tone) that I am the most calculating person he has ever met. At the time I wanted to (and did) disagree but as the words were coming out of my mouth... I knew he was right. As I have stated before... I know my faults. Calculating the best results for me...is what I do.
I knew this day would come...just as I know there will be many more from others.
I thought, if I could just bring it to the point I wanted... I could make it work for me. After all, I have been here before. Fucked around and acted to slow on some shit I should have eliminated. Should have let go and let loose. So...here it is almost a year and within that time... 4 people have told me they love me. I think this will be the last one for the year... I hope it is the last one because having the "I'm not where you are..." conversation sucks.
I know that the love they have for me is so much more prounounced than the reality. I am "good" in their eyes at the time of their declaration. I can protest and try to convince them otherwise...but that beginning part of love that has people stupidly saying the "LOVE" word and acting even more than thinking...well... that's where he is right now...
He hasn't said anything to me any different than what I have heard countless times. No new moves...no surprises outta his back pocket... he's not cuter or smarter, neither is he more clever with a witty mind... he is just who he is and I am who I am. I haven't re-invented myself in any way... I am have been the same person with each one of them...nothing to "make" them fall in love...or THINK thye are in love...just been me... and now...we might be an us.
Because I failed to "pull out" before his love was produced.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
1 and a 2 and a 3...
1. They aren't selling Frost gatorade downstairs in the building store anymore. I either have to get my gatorade while I am walking into work or settle for what they have...I had to get fruit punch. Bastards!
2. Last night was our little 2 month anniversary. He bought some champagne and strawberries (tart) so we could get inebriated as we sat in the cold, out at the Brooklyn promenade looking at the NYC skyline...then he gave me the extra keys to his truck/SUV/car...whatever you want to call it.
OK that's nice...bud-daaa...I thought he said something about my own car...!?? LOL...sorta
3. I am about to do something I didn't think I would ever do. I' am a little nervous. I figure I might as well. I have been running the other way for a minute now. I don't think I am ready but hell...now is as good a time as any other.
2. Last night was our little 2 month anniversary. He bought some champagne and strawberries (tart) so we could get inebriated as we sat in the cold, out at the Brooklyn promenade looking at the NYC skyline...then he gave me the extra keys to his truck/SUV/car...whatever you want to call it.
OK that's nice...bud-daaa...I thought he said something about my own car...!?? LOL...sorta
3. I am about to do something I didn't think I would ever do. I' am a little nervous. I figure I might as well. I have been running the other way for a minute now. I don't think I am ready but hell...now is as good a time as any other.
Man Re-Cap
The Itch/DipSet: I haven't seen him in about 2 and a half months, when we broke up for good. He called me 3 weeks ago to tell me he misses me. I miss him too, but I would never tell him that. I would have married him... why? Not sure about that one yet...and don't want to really think about it.
Brooklyn/Mi Amor: He will always be my friend. He's holding on to something that is no longer there. I'm not his first love but I am his first love he's had since he's turned 30+.
BowieMD: I will inevitably see him again. Why? Because I need a house to stay in when I got to the DC Metro area to visit my other men friends... LOL
Co-op: I will see him again...have dinner...maybe go to the movies. I'll keep him around just because I get bored some days. it is what it is.
Biker Boy: Had brunch with him at Native... I never called him after that and didn't answer his calls. He didn't have a car...only a motorcycle. Now I know alot of girls that would love that...but aaaaa... I ain't one of them. Muthafucka!...it get's cold as hell in NYC and it snows like crazy here.
XXXXXXX: I can't remember who da hell this is!
XXXX: again....no clue
XXXXXX: ...and again...clueless LOL
Tall jamaican: He cooked me dinner. Bought me wine. I asked him to take me home and he hesitated. Muthafucka, I said take me home! Yea, he understood that! But why did I even have to go that way?
Surj: That ended horribly. I miss how it started...so light...so right...then he got complicated... I miss him. I'd never tell him that.
Shamus: Never got started.
T.I.M.: Every once in a while we say hi via IM... that won't happen.
Youngun: He was WAY to young.
NotSoSure: He called me this morning, trying to take me out tonight...aaaa, I have plans but thank you.
Jullllleeeannn: Moves to Atlanta tomorrow. No more sexy IM chats.
D-dubya/Keys 1: dunno
the kiss...: A friend.
The Event: A girl. Nothing to that.
Jersey: He called on Monday. He wants to spend some time. He may be getting on with the fire department...his schedule will change.... he's hoping that we can try again...
*Yahmony: We celebrate our two month anniversary tonight. He'll be around at least until the end of the year (read: Christmas)... unless I fuck it up which is very well possible.
40-yo: Never called him but he sent me an email a month ago asking if I was well. No reply.
Jay: My frined. Who wants to put his horse size dick in me. Hell no. He's still my friend though.
*California "friend": Text message on Sunday: "I miss u an that good luvn you b puttN on a nigga! I wish I could put u on a plane once a week." I'd marry that man...fa serious!
Keys 2: I haven't spoke to him since I have been back from California.
~~~~
There are a lot more other people that I have dated this year...but I can't think of their names. More than likely because I only had two or three dates with them. Plus, my Atlanta contigency or the "here and there" internet dates I've had.
Brooklyn/Mi Amor: He will always be my friend. He's holding on to something that is no longer there. I'm not his first love but I am his first love he's had since he's turned 30+.
BowieMD: I will inevitably see him again. Why? Because I need a house to stay in when I got to the DC Metro area to visit my other men friends... LOL
Co-op: I will see him again...have dinner...maybe go to the movies. I'll keep him around just because I get bored some days. it is what it is.
Biker Boy: Had brunch with him at Native... I never called him after that and didn't answer his calls. He didn't have a car...only a motorcycle. Now I know alot of girls that would love that...but aaaaa... I ain't one of them. Muthafucka!...it get's cold as hell in NYC and it snows like crazy here.
XXXXXXX: I can't remember who da hell this is!
XXXX: again....no clue
XXXXXX: ...and again...clueless LOL
Tall jamaican: He cooked me dinner. Bought me wine. I asked him to take me home and he hesitated. Muthafucka, I said take me home! Yea, he understood that! But why did I even have to go that way?
Surj: That ended horribly. I miss how it started...so light...so right...then he got complicated... I miss him. I'd never tell him that.
Shamus: Never got started.
T.I.M.: Every once in a while we say hi via IM... that won't happen.
Youngun: He was WAY to young.
NotSoSure: He called me this morning, trying to take me out tonight...aaaa, I have plans but thank you.
Jullllleeeannn: Moves to Atlanta tomorrow. No more sexy IM chats.
D-dubya/Keys 1: dunno
the kiss...: A friend.
The Event: A girl. Nothing to that.
Jersey: He called on Monday. He wants to spend some time. He may be getting on with the fire department...his schedule will change.... he's hoping that we can try again...
*Yahmony: We celebrate our two month anniversary tonight. He'll be around at least until the end of the year (read: Christmas)... unless I fuck it up which is very well possible.
40-yo: Never called him but he sent me an email a month ago asking if I was well. No reply.
Jay: My frined. Who wants to put his horse size dick in me. Hell no. He's still my friend though.
*California "friend": Text message on Sunday: "I miss u an that good luvn you b puttN on a nigga! I wish I could put u on a plane once a week." I'd marry that man...fa serious!
Keys 2: I haven't spoke to him since I have been back from California.
~~~~
There are a lot more other people that I have dated this year...but I can't think of their names. More than likely because I only had two or three dates with them. Plus, my Atlanta contigency or the "here and there" internet dates I've had.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
You Let Go...
...and I'll let go too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scrivo said...
If there were only two persons on the earth, you and George Bush, Jr. Would you have sex with him to re-populate the earth.
I'd probably have sex with him...after all...who would know. AND you know...stupid people are usually uber freaky because they don't know any better.
1969 said...
How do you feel the physical abuse you have gone through in the past has shaped your current self?
Odd question because I have never been hit. The one incident that I had in 2004 did not include him hitting me. He & I were "making love"... and he was hurt and he wanted 1) to show me he loved me and 2) for me to feel his "hurt". It was an emotional experience.
As for shaping me...well I have never been hit...by any man... not even a whuppin' from my daddy or family. I don't really know that pain. As for what Bryan did to me... it didn't shape me.
Royce's Daughter said...
1) You've mentioned before that your father is written about in textbooks...who is he or if you aren't comfortable telling who (cause I know how I am about my Daddy) can you tell us why he has been written about?
He was a politician.
2) What's your biggest regret in life?
I didn't finish the schooling I wanted due to me getting married WAY to young and having babies. I don't regret the babies...just the marriage.
1969 said...
My 2nd question...What is your favorite comfort food?
Baby carrots that are sold in bags. I use to put them in TLA's lunch when he was first diagnosised with diabetes...in 1999. Since then...it's rare to NOT find a bag of baby carrots in my refrigerator.
Charles said...
Any advice for a 22 year old in grad school with social problems to rival a soap opera?
My advice is to understand why people do the things they do. See both sides of an arguement. Agree or don't agree but always understand where it comes from.
It helps on moving past things that you don't want to revisit and to leave behind.
And 2nd question...what do you females talk about in the absence of males?? Just curious...
We talk about everything! However, in regards to men...we talk about how asshole-ish men are....with huge amounts of love... large doses of longing... and handfuls of childish wonderment, of that which is so not like us... but that, which we are not totally complete without.
calikim9 said...
What advice if any will you give your sons regarding women who are dependent financially and emotionally?
Financially... As for women that they are just dating... never try to buy a womans affection with money or material things because 9 out of 10 times your heart and bank will get broke!
Emotionally... stay away from a woman that can not function without them around.
The women should be able to function and stand alone, without men, financially and emotionally.
Knockout Zed said...
Why is Zed so damn fly?
Because he's the Juggernaunt, BITCH!!!!
How come you didn't realize this earlier?
I did - why hasn't he?
Scrivo said...
If your boyfreind/husband/lover was raped by a bi-sexual gang member, would you continue to love him the same way before the rape? Would you look at hime the same way?
No. No.
If your husband went to jail for avenging his mothers death, how long (years) would you wait before you called it quits?
None.
Terry said...
1.)What scares you the most about opening your heart to a man?
That at the point that he opens himself to me... I will fall out of love with him.
2.)What do you think is the biggest mistake that men tend to make in regard to sex?
At the beginning, they add too much pressure to a situation that should be "flowed" into. If it's gonna happen... it's definitely going to happen and there is no reason to rush it.
Miss Ahmad said...
what was the best part about being raised in Oakland?
The diversity. I went to Berkeley high... the only all african american studies high school curriculum in the nation. I took every freaking general class and all my electives in african american studies. The enviromental beauty of green hills to the north and the blue ocean to the west and south...driving down 580 from Castor Valley...seeing the flat lands on the left and as you make your way around the curve by Keller and seeing the green hills in the spring on your right...then driving towards SF...you see nothing but blue skies and blue ocean in front of you... Beautiful.
What made you move to NYC and do you see yourself there forever?
I tell everyone I moved here because of a job. It was actually BECAUSE OF a man who MADE an oppurtunity. I could never make New York my home for life. Ever.
Sarccastik Sports Illustrated!!! said...
What's the reason u are single?
There are too many attractive men who are attracted to me, for me to settle down. I crave variety and I am easily bored.
Were you married before and how long?
Yes. 9 years.
onefromphilly said...
What really happened with Jersey?
Jersey lives in Newark, I live in Harlem. He really worked too much. One job started at 5:00 in the morning and the second at 3 in the afternoon and ended at 10:00pm... He had one day off in the middle of the week and he used that day to do everything that had piled up (bills, grocery shopping, running errands)... we literally didn't have schedules that worked to make for and conducive relationship.
Although, I am going to go out on a limb and say that he was rebound. Most of my men are rebound. It is always a matter of time before they loose their sparkle.
Even without marriage, could you settle down and be happy in a manogamous relationship. In other words could you be happy growing old with one man?
I would prefer to settle down without getting married. Would I be happy? I honestly think that nothing is meant to last forever... so for however long the relationship lasted would be good.
T. Cas said...
So now that you have hung out with T. Cas... what do you really think about him? LOL
I think he is sweet.
So...Wise...Sista said...
What are your sons like? Personality, I mean.
TLA is the kind of person that girls will like because he's quiet and mysterious. The kind of person that guys will like because he's that "cool cat" who doesn't cause static, is laidback but will step up and smack you back in place if you've stepped out of line. He's an all-around athlete and good with his grades. A thinker that observes. He's a teenager so he wants to be included. He sensitive and emotional but not a punk. He's thoughtful and courteous with a ready smile. He's affectionate. He's fun and has an awesome sense of humor. He loves his brother.
CLA is the kind of kid that girls will love because he's cute and funny. The kind of kid that guys will like because he keeps everyone laughing, has a little bit of too much edge (lol) and will have your back if he's your friend. He signs up for every sport, more for the status that goes with being on the "football" or "baseball" team... yea, he's shallow...lol He is the funniest kid I have ever in my life met and sometimes when he does something that I can't understand...I see alot of me in him. He is creative and he is unfocused. He loves his brother like crazy.
What things did you desire 10 years ago that you do not desire now?
I was married and had no desire for anything. I had life because I had breath in my body but I wasn't living.
Sarccastik Sports Illustrated!!! said...
Do you prefer to "shoot the bird" from your left or right hand?
I shoot the bird with both hands and I flick my finger for emphasis.
How often do you make the first move in introducing yourself to someone you deemed attractive?
I don't make moves...I create oppurtunities.
Do you like to mix your mashed potatoes and spinach together?
I don't mix my food period dot!
Have you ever had a "loaded baked potato" in a martini glass? (it's actually pretty good)
No. That would be a good waste of a martini glass.
Why the hell it's taking u too long to update and tell us where you went? :)
I was in Atlanta :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scrivo said...
If there were only two persons on the earth, you and George Bush, Jr. Would you have sex with him to re-populate the earth.
I'd probably have sex with him...after all...who would know. AND you know...stupid people are usually uber freaky because they don't know any better.
1969 said...
How do you feel the physical abuse you have gone through in the past has shaped your current self?
Odd question because I have never been hit. The one incident that I had in 2004 did not include him hitting me. He & I were "making love"... and he was hurt and he wanted 1) to show me he loved me and 2) for me to feel his "hurt". It was an emotional experience.
As for shaping me...well I have never been hit...by any man... not even a whuppin' from my daddy or family. I don't really know that pain. As for what Bryan did to me... it didn't shape me.
Royce's Daughter said...
1) You've mentioned before that your father is written about in textbooks...who is he or if you aren't comfortable telling who (cause I know how I am about my Daddy) can you tell us why he has been written about?
He was a politician.
2) What's your biggest regret in life?
I didn't finish the schooling I wanted due to me getting married WAY to young and having babies. I don't regret the babies...just the marriage.
1969 said...
My 2nd question...What is your favorite comfort food?
Baby carrots that are sold in bags. I use to put them in TLA's lunch when he was first diagnosised with diabetes...in 1999. Since then...it's rare to NOT find a bag of baby carrots in my refrigerator.
Charles said...
Any advice for a 22 year old in grad school with social problems to rival a soap opera?
My advice is to understand why people do the things they do. See both sides of an arguement. Agree or don't agree but always understand where it comes from.
It helps on moving past things that you don't want to revisit and to leave behind.
And 2nd question...what do you females talk about in the absence of males?? Just curious...
We talk about everything! However, in regards to men...we talk about how asshole-ish men are....with huge amounts of love... large doses of longing... and handfuls of childish wonderment, of that which is so not like us... but that, which we are not totally complete without.
calikim9 said...
What advice if any will you give your sons regarding women who are dependent financially and emotionally?
Financially... As for women that they are just dating... never try to buy a womans affection with money or material things because 9 out of 10 times your heart and bank will get broke!
Emotionally... stay away from a woman that can not function without them around.
The women should be able to function and stand alone, without men, financially and emotionally.
Knockout Zed said...
Why is Zed so damn fly?
Because he's the Juggernaunt, BITCH!!!!
How come you didn't realize this earlier?
I did - why hasn't he?
Scrivo said...
If your boyfreind/husband/lover was raped by a bi-sexual gang member, would you continue to love him the same way before the rape? Would you look at hime the same way?
No. No.
If your husband went to jail for avenging his mothers death, how long (years) would you wait before you called it quits?
None.
Terry said...
1.)What scares you the most about opening your heart to a man?
That at the point that he opens himself to me... I will fall out of love with him.
2.)What do you think is the biggest mistake that men tend to make in regard to sex?
At the beginning, they add too much pressure to a situation that should be "flowed" into. If it's gonna happen... it's definitely going to happen and there is no reason to rush it.
Miss Ahmad said...
what was the best part about being raised in Oakland?
The diversity. I went to Berkeley high... the only all african american studies high school curriculum in the nation. I took every freaking general class and all my electives in african american studies. The enviromental beauty of green hills to the north and the blue ocean to the west and south...driving down 580 from Castor Valley...seeing the flat lands on the left and as you make your way around the curve by Keller and seeing the green hills in the spring on your right...then driving towards SF...you see nothing but blue skies and blue ocean in front of you... Beautiful.
What made you move to NYC and do you see yourself there forever?
I tell everyone I moved here because of a job. It was actually BECAUSE OF a man who MADE an oppurtunity. I could never make New York my home for life. Ever.
Sarccastik Sports Illustrated!!! said...
What's the reason u are single?
There are too many attractive men who are attracted to me, for me to settle down. I crave variety and I am easily bored.
Were you married before and how long?
Yes. 9 years.
onefromphilly said...
What really happened with Jersey?
Jersey lives in Newark, I live in Harlem. He really worked too much. One job started at 5:00 in the morning and the second at 3 in the afternoon and ended at 10:00pm... He had one day off in the middle of the week and he used that day to do everything that had piled up (bills, grocery shopping, running errands)... we literally didn't have schedules that worked to make for and conducive relationship.
Although, I am going to go out on a limb and say that he was rebound. Most of my men are rebound. It is always a matter of time before they loose their sparkle.
Even without marriage, could you settle down and be happy in a manogamous relationship. In other words could you be happy growing old with one man?
I would prefer to settle down without getting married. Would I be happy? I honestly think that nothing is meant to last forever... so for however long the relationship lasted would be good.
T. Cas said...
So now that you have hung out with T. Cas... what do you really think about him? LOL
I think he is sweet.
So...Wise...Sista said...
What are your sons like? Personality, I mean.
TLA is the kind of person that girls will like because he's quiet and mysterious. The kind of person that guys will like because he's that "cool cat" who doesn't cause static, is laidback but will step up and smack you back in place if you've stepped out of line. He's an all-around athlete and good with his grades. A thinker that observes. He's a teenager so he wants to be included. He sensitive and emotional but not a punk. He's thoughtful and courteous with a ready smile. He's affectionate. He's fun and has an awesome sense of humor. He loves his brother.
CLA is the kind of kid that girls will love because he's cute and funny. The kind of kid that guys will like because he keeps everyone laughing, has a little bit of too much edge (lol) and will have your back if he's your friend. He signs up for every sport, more for the status that goes with being on the "football" or "baseball" team... yea, he's shallow...lol He is the funniest kid I have ever in my life met and sometimes when he does something that I can't understand...I see alot of me in him. He is creative and he is unfocused. He loves his brother like crazy.
What things did you desire 10 years ago that you do not desire now?
I was married and had no desire for anything. I had life because I had breath in my body but I wasn't living.
Sarccastik Sports Illustrated!!! said...
Do you prefer to "shoot the bird" from your left or right hand?
I shoot the bird with both hands and I flick my finger for emphasis.
How often do you make the first move in introducing yourself to someone you deemed attractive?
I don't make moves...I create oppurtunities.
Do you like to mix your mashed potatoes and spinach together?
I don't mix my food period dot!
Have you ever had a "loaded baked potato" in a martini glass? (it's actually pretty good)
No. That would be a good waste of a martini glass.
Why the hell it's taking u too long to update and tell us where you went? :)
I was in Atlanta :-)
nikki said...
sarccastik evidently can't count. LOL (you can't either becasue you numbered it 1 but you have 3 questions...lol)
1. was there a morning where you woke up, looked in the mirror, and truly loathed what you saw after something you'd done the previous night?
Yes.
if so, when
Superbowl sunday 2004
and what?
I told "my great like" that he needed therapy because I think he wanted to fuck his momma.
sarccastik evidently can't count. LOL (you can't either becasue you numbered it 1 but you have 3 questions...lol)
1. was there a morning where you woke up, looked in the mirror, and truly loathed what you saw after something you'd done the previous night?
Yes.
if so, when
Superbowl sunday 2004
and what?
I told "my great like" that he needed therapy because I think he wanted to fuck his momma.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Here I Go Again...
I said I wasn't gonna fall victim to it... but tonight...
or rather today
I thought I'd see what y'all have to say about Bloopty.
I am very open... I talk about all aspects of my life... but maybe... I have either not expressed myself well enough for you to understand, said some things that contradicted others, or maybe... I've never completed a story you wanted to know more about.
Whatever it is...
I am exposing myself to you.
A confession of sorts...if you will.
You have approximately 4-6 days to come up with any question you want.
When I return from Atlanta I will answer them all... well... most of them anyway *wink*
Limit 2 questions per blogger.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Another Day in N-Y-C
This right here is some bullshit. They are filming a movie ON MY BLOCK. For the past week they have had orange cones out...trying to stop those of us that live on the block from parking *so what if I ain't gotta car*
Either way, the circular building on the left hand side where the fire truck is...well that's the corner of my block... THAT building is being staged as some building on fire... hence the fire trucks. They did a dry run last Thursday... They MADE me have to go out of my way *cross the street, which isn't out of my way but is not my normal "routine"* Anyhoo...so this morning, Yahmony and I are awakened at 4-fucking-o'clock in the morning to 5 semi trucks coming down my little residential street. Not only that but...BUT...they are setting up for the movie... which means, gaffers, set-up people, interns, assistants and whoever else is responsible for starting my day in reverse are out talking MAD LOUD YO! Reverse you say? Yes! reverse!! Because of all of the fire trucks and semi's... my block is literally blocked off... which means Yahmony and I have to reverse up my tiny ass street... Apparently I have a certain Adam Sandler to blame for this inconvience...
*update: I have to apologize to the Smith's...(although I shouldn't be apologizing to JS because she ain't never apologized to me for her "crack is wack" acting skills)...I DIGRESS: turns out... the film is about gay firefighters... actors involved that I know about are V.ing Rh.ames and Ada.m S.andler. Didn't Vin.g do gay already as Mar.cellus Wa.llace? Seems as though I had my films messed up... the Smith's closed down parts of 34th street on Saturday....
So you think that's part of living in New York...yea, I know...it is. Yet, get this.... I work at 33rd and Park.... the U.nited Nat.ions is at 1st and *I think* 39th... which is a good little walk but none-the-less TOO CLOSE because...... Today is the start of a 3 day session of the General Assembly and the idiot bush is in town for that, so streets are blocked off for that too. So, I was a block away from work and we sat through 4 lights because of the ridiculous traffic. I was early...but by the time I got out of the car to walk the last block...I barely made it to work on time. *Which by the way I am not complaining all that much about because truthfully... I can't remember the last time I was on time to work* This same time last year..I had another encounter because of the damn GA session... I think most of you have read this before....
Anyway, because I didn't go to South Caorlina...he had to pay for that inconsideration... this weekend we went to brunch, midday lunch and dinner. My cellphone was paid, we played pool *which he's not good at* all weekend, my contacts were paid for, he bought my new cue stick *which is nothing like any of the ones I showed y'all* ...I'll take a picture of it Wednesday and post it for you. It's pretty and yes girly... White with pink flames. On closer inspection.... that shit looks like a gigantic dildo...shhhhhh So Yahmony spent some money this weekend... but like he said... he's my part-time job... so... muthafucka...pay me! lol *don't ever tell him I said that...lol* Last night he said something that sorta scurred me... y'all know I ain't the settle down type...riiiight? Well, he says to me...that he wants to add me to his insurance *umm, I have never even driven his Vue...how does he even know that I can drive?* Then he proceeds to tell me that I need a car...to come visit him where he lives...up in Park Ridge, NJ.... that is a helluva drive. Now mind you... last year He Who Shall Not Be Named was gonna give me his car because he bought a new one, and then, I was waiting for the end of this year because The Itch was gonna buy me the Passat I wanted... but we broke up... now here is Yahmony saying he thinks I need a car... huh?! Umm, ok. We shall see... and to think... I was about to tell him that I was done with him on Friday... I need to re-evaluate my dealings with this character. NY men just be giving out cars, huh? What's that about? *by-the-by, he used the little jamaicans teminaology...he said I was his future... I almost gagged*
That is not all I did this weekend...but it's all I am tellin' y'all about. By-the-by, this is my new drink of choice...
Happy Monday.
That is not all I did this weekend...but it's all I am tellin' y'all about. By-the-by, this is my new drink of choice...
Happy Monday.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
What Do We Have In...
...COMMON
I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same?
Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly
If I was wit' her would I still be wantin' my ex?
The lies,
the greed,
the weed,
the sex
Wouldn't be ashamed to give her part of my check
Wearin' her cross, I mean the heart on my neck
Her I would reflect on the streets of the Chi'
Ride wit' her, 'cause I know for me she'd die
Through good and bad call on her like I'm chirpin' her
Couldn't be jealous 'cause other brothers worship her
Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence
I try to stay faithful
He worked with her, she was his lady's best friend
Even if they don't try some ladies test men
And this was a test that was bigger than him
Some believe its the nature that is given to men
He had a good gig, a wife, a kid, a decent home
One reason or another couldn't find peace at home
She asked, "Why do men always have to stray?"
He said, "I'm bad, not as bad as Eric Benet"
"I used to take 'em out to eat but they wasn't really eatin'
Mighta got a little head but I wasn't really cheatin'"
It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say
And what you did in the past you gotta live with today
She asked if they could spend the night together
He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"
Went home to his lady, these were his confessions"
Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"
I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same?
Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly
If I was wit' her would I still be wantin' my ex?
The lies,
the greed,
the weed,
the sex
Wouldn't be ashamed to give her part of my check
Wearin' her cross, I mean the heart on my neck
Her I would reflect on the streets of the Chi'
Ride wit' her, 'cause I know for me she'd die
Through good and bad call on her like I'm chirpin' her
Couldn't be jealous 'cause other brothers worship her
Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence
I try to stay faithful
He worked with her, she was his lady's best friend
Even if they don't try some ladies test men
And this was a test that was bigger than him
Some believe its the nature that is given to men
He had a good gig, a wife, a kid, a decent home
One reason or another couldn't find peace at home
She asked, "Why do men always have to stray?"
He said, "I'm bad, not as bad as Eric Benet"
"I used to take 'em out to eat but they wasn't really eatin'
Mighta got a little head but I wasn't really cheatin'"
It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say
And what you did in the past you gotta live with today
She asked if they could spend the night together
He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"
Went home to his lady, these were his confessions"
Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"
This is a post in and of itself... but since I ain't a man...I can't speak on it.
...and I would hate to fuck it up by flippin' it.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Divine Intervention
I was feeling horny all day Sunday, from 5AM. Laying next to a hot body and liking the way he moves his fingers....but he wasn't getting any ass. Yea, I know it's kinda scandoulous for me to let this man play in the Bloopty theme park when I had no intention of letting him ride the Thriller Fantastica {as I like to call it} Yet he knows how this plays out...he's been here before...many times.
I was horny at brunch...horny doesn't explain to you...what I was feeling. So as he was handing me one of his grapes.... I took it and before I ate it... I leaned over and said "I want to suck your dick and make you cum and lick it off the head"... then I sucked the grape in my mouth with a big "pop"... He just stared at me. Then he said "fuck"...and got up and went to the bathroom. LOL I ain't sucking his dick and he knows it... I guess he went and did what he had to do.
Yea, I know I am a bastard step child for that move...oh well. We spent the whole weekend together... All and all... I must have held on to that mans dick a thousand times ...like it was mine. Actually...it is... so why should I rush making the get down....go down? He'll be there, right?
Now, there is alot of sexual tension in my home. This man has been in my space for a month too long...thing about it it, the day after I stopped seeing Jersey... Yahmony spent the night. Matter of fact, I still had Jersey's toothbrush in the toothbrush holder. Come to think of it... I still had The Itch's toothbrush in the holder for the first 2 weeks Jersey was coming over... Hmmm Oh well, like I always say...there is never a shortage of men in NYC. Either way, Yahmony doesn't ahve a toothbrush and he has been staying at the house for the past 4 weeks...3 weeks I started to give him one of the cheap ones I keep under the sink...but decided that he needs to bring his own.
Funny how I have these set of rules that are ever changing depending on the person. It's like I am emphatic about certain protocal. It's all ass-backwards but damn me if I don't follow the Bloopty code... Oh well
He get's no toothbrush and no ass! That's final and for the most part...true. For the most part.
Back to me being horny as hell... I was! Is! Am! I wanted a dick in my mouth and I wanted to make sure that every single tastebud on my tongue felt the smooth but hard surface of a nice MANLY size dick...LOL I was so horny that while we were shopping in Se.phora's...I smelled P.olo Bl.ue and my cooch tightened up and I got wet...right there...taking in the aroma of what Ralph had made... I sat through my Dutch Apple cheesecake @ the factory with my sunshine flowing down rays of liquid heat.... I was so horny that I slipped out of Co.mpU.SA to run over to T.arg.et to by a small bottle of baby oil...so as soon as we were back in the car heading down Br.onx R.iver.... I leaned over and pulled out his soilder and gave him a welcoming hand salute to his magnificents... ::Secret Chinese Handshake in the car:: Wasn't the easiest....but I was needing the feel of cock in me...even if "in" me meant between my hands rather than my legs.
We took his 3 kids to the movie last night... I wanted to do what I normally do when I go to the movies...snake my hand around and just hold his... like it's mine. Couldn't. Didn't.
On the ride home I am thinking... tonight is the night. This muthafucka is gon' know what Bloopty is all about.
I got in the house and told him to take a shower first. I went about trying to set the ambiance... I went to silence my cell when I noticed I had a text message {musta gone off when I was in the movies and the phone was on vibrate}... It was a text from my "friend" in California.
Message read: Still thinking about that thang! You do!
Now granted, that wasn't much of a text...and certainly not that much on strong word usage...but...
LE...well LE is the first man I EVER actually "got at". The first one I ever walked up to and gave my number to. The first one that I ever felt...intimidated by. From the first moment I saw this man...I wanted him...and fate directed him to me...literally... it was a situation where you see someone and you HAVE to make the most of it or you know it will go down in the books as the one you "shoulda, woulda, coulda" got/have. I of course let fate take a backseat to Bloopty's hardness and he walked right out the doors of possibility. AND THEN...and then....I saw him 2 days later while I was shopping at the mall. It took 30 minutes of my bestfriend pumping my courage up to go up to him and stumble over my ill-rehearsed "tryna really get at a brotha" tactics. I fumbled my way through that 3 minute conversation...put my number (that I had already written down) on the table and not in his hand.
This is the guy that helped me get over L {from August 29th's post}... I hadn't seen him in almost 3 years. I saw him when I went home for Labor day. The text was just Divine Intervention...him putting thoughts in myhead of another man...a mo' betta man...
He made whatever thoughts of me putting Yahmony's dick in places it shouldn't be...out the window...so Yahmony's hopes were dashed again... There is still hope for him still... we are heading to South Carolina this weekend.
I was horny at brunch...horny doesn't explain to you...what I was feeling. So as he was handing me one of his grapes.... I took it and before I ate it... I leaned over and said "I want to suck your dick and make you cum and lick it off the head"... then I sucked the grape in my mouth with a big "pop"... He just stared at me. Then he said "fuck"...and got up and went to the bathroom. LOL I ain't sucking his dick and he knows it... I guess he went and did what he had to do.
Yea, I know I am a bastard step child for that move...oh well. We spent the whole weekend together... All and all... I must have held on to that mans dick a thousand times ...like it was mine. Actually...it is... so why should I rush making the get down....go down? He'll be there, right?
Now, there is alot of sexual tension in my home. This man has been in my space for a month too long...thing about it it, the day after I stopped seeing Jersey... Yahmony spent the night. Matter of fact, I still had Jersey's toothbrush in the toothbrush holder. Come to think of it... I still had The Itch's toothbrush in the holder for the first 2 weeks Jersey was coming over... Hmmm Oh well, like I always say...there is never a shortage of men in NYC. Either way, Yahmony doesn't ahve a toothbrush and he has been staying at the house for the past 4 weeks...3 weeks I started to give him one of the cheap ones I keep under the sink...but decided that he needs to bring his own.
Funny how I have these set of rules that are ever changing depending on the person. It's like I am emphatic about certain protocal. It's all ass-backwards but damn me if I don't follow the Bloopty code... Oh well
He get's no toothbrush and no ass! That's final and for the most part...true. For the most part.
Back to me being horny as hell... I was! Is! Am! I wanted a dick in my mouth and I wanted to make sure that every single tastebud on my tongue felt the smooth but hard surface of a nice MANLY size dick...LOL I was so horny that while we were shopping in Se.phora's...I smelled P.olo Bl.ue and my cooch tightened up and I got wet...right there...taking in the aroma of what Ralph had made... I sat through my Dutch Apple cheesecake @ the factory with my sunshine flowing down rays of liquid heat.... I was so horny that I slipped out of Co.mpU.SA to run over to T.arg.et to by a small bottle of baby oil...so as soon as we were back in the car heading down Br.onx R.iver.... I leaned over and pulled out his soilder and gave him a welcoming hand salute to his magnificents... ::Secret Chinese Handshake in the car:: Wasn't the easiest....but I was needing the feel of cock in me...even if "in" me meant between my hands rather than my legs.
We took his 3 kids to the movie last night... I wanted to do what I normally do when I go to the movies...snake my hand around and just hold his... like it's mine. Couldn't. Didn't.
On the ride home I am thinking... tonight is the night. This muthafucka is gon' know what Bloopty is all about.
I got in the house and told him to take a shower first. I went about trying to set the ambiance... I went to silence my cell when I noticed I had a text message {musta gone off when I was in the movies and the phone was on vibrate}... It was a text from my "friend" in California.
Message read: Still thinking about that thang! You do!
Now granted, that wasn't much of a text...and certainly not that much on strong word usage...but...
LE...well LE is the first man I EVER actually "got at". The first one I ever walked up to and gave my number to. The first one that I ever felt...intimidated by. From the first moment I saw this man...I wanted him...and fate directed him to me...literally... it was a situation where you see someone and you HAVE to make the most of it or you know it will go down in the books as the one you "shoulda, woulda, coulda" got/have. I of course let fate take a backseat to Bloopty's hardness and he walked right out the doors of possibility. AND THEN...and then....I saw him 2 days later while I was shopping at the mall. It took 30 minutes of my bestfriend pumping my courage up to go up to him and stumble over my ill-rehearsed "tryna really get at a brotha" tactics. I fumbled my way through that 3 minute conversation...put my number (that I had already written down) on the table and not in his hand.
This is the guy that helped me get over L {from August 29th's post}... I hadn't seen him in almost 3 years. I saw him when I went home for Labor day. The text was just Divine Intervention...him putting thoughts in myhead of another man...a mo' betta man...
He made whatever thoughts of me putting Yahmony's dick in places it shouldn't be...out the window...so Yahmony's hopes were dashed again... There is still hope for him still... we are heading to South Carolina this weekend.
Thursday, September 7, 2006
Hopeless
...by Dionne Farris "L.ove Jo.nes"
You ever love someone so much... that it's fucking scary as hell. It's like... there are moments throughout my day that I felt.....like I can't breath.
You ever love someone so much... that it's almost painfull to be away from them for any extended time. I feel like I am missing a part of me... I am not complete.
You ever love someone so much... that their voice can make every worry, concern and hurt fade away. It's become my security blanket... his voice just enfolds me and wraps me in warmth.
I thought my heart would break. Thought my mind would shatter. Thought that I could. not. function.
You ever love someone so much... that it's fucking scary as hell. It's like... there are moments throughout my day that I felt.....like I can't breath.
You ever love someone so much... that it's almost painfull to be away from them for any extended time. I feel like I am missing a part of me... I am not complete.
You ever love someone so much... that their voice can make every worry, concern and hurt fade away. It's become my security blanket... his voice just enfolds me and wraps me in warmth.
I thought my heart would break. Thought my mind would shatter. Thought that I could. not. function.
Hello Morning, Now when does the fun begin?
Goodbye Morning, Sorry it had to end
But see I cried just a little too long
Now it's time for me to be strong
My hand in yours and your smile...makes this day worth living...over and over and over again. The tone of your voice carresses me...makes me want you... builds a need in me...
Hello Morning, I sure missed you last night
Goodbye Morning, You just won't do me right, ight, ight
I stayed just a little too long
Now it's time for me to move on
My eyes have tears everytime I remenisce, you inside of me. Your apart of me and I am yours... I cry.
You scorch me every place your tongue touches my skin. Is it possible to enjoy this death? 'Cause it's killing me everytime you make me lose this control that I thought I had reigned in so well.
Have you ever loved someone so much... that to hear their name makes your heart skip a beat...makes you anxious for whatever comes...as long as it's with them.
My heart beats 4 more beats a minute than it's suppose to when you walk through my door. Just like a sedative...you calm those beats as you pull me into your arms and rest your lips on mine.
You scorch me every place your tongue touches my skin. Is it possible to enjoy this death? 'Cause it's killing me everytime you make me lose this control that I thought I had reigned in so well.
Have you ever loved someone so much... that to hear their name makes your heart skip a beat...makes you anxious for whatever comes...as long as it's with them.
My heart beats 4 more beats a minute than it's suppose to when you walk through my door. Just like a sedative...you calm those beats as you pull me into your arms and rest your lips on mine.
Hello Yesterday, I sure need you now
Goodbye Yesterday, I just can't stay around
You see I cried just a little too long
And now it's time for me to be strong
Brown sugar with flecks of gold... I memorized the exact color of your eyes. The smooth mocha of your back as you lay across my white sheets... your poetic and lyrical in your slumber.
I want to lick every single part of you. I want to caress you. I want to worship you and give thanks for you. Hold you and cherish you. Make sweet love to you and get deep, deep, deep into my freak and fuck you.
I want to lick every single part of you. I want to caress you. I want to worship you and give thanks for you. Hold you and cherish you. Make sweet love to you and get deep, deep, deep into my freak and fuck you.
Hello Yesterday, Remember how it used to be?
Goodbye Yesterday yea, I can't take you with me
You see I stayed just a little too long
And now it's time for me to move on
I think I've lost myself....
They say I'm hopeless. As a penny with a hole in it. They say I'm no less. Than up to my head in it
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
yea yea yea
15 men packed into 5 days.
....2 were not seen.
....12 were disappointed.
....1 reminded me of why he's still a thought and not just a memory.
....and 1....well....hmmm, well that one...he told me in an irritated tone that 6 years is too long to close a deal. Huh? heeheehee
I was suppose to meet up with 3 bloggers but got together with 1, he ended up cooking me breakfast...for dinner.
I recieved a voicemail....Chubby Chocolate has a very...Jill Scott kind of voice...soft and warm...with a hint of a giggle as she told me that she would be spending the weekend up at her parents...she tried to sound exasperated but....she didn't pull it off....LOL
I bought CTA a cellphone for his birthday... his voicemail goeas something like this: Yo, you called. I didn't answer. Leave a message. I might get back at you. *I told him to change that shit...QUICK*
His ringtone goes something like this: Yo, answer the phone......CTA ANSWER.THE.PHONE....HEY!!!! I SAID ANSWER THE PHONE!!!!! *then in a low voice*....Man, just answer the doggone phone. *I told him he's a doggone nut*
....that's my son...T-bubbles.
TLA has a deep man voice... his, Hi mama sounds like a grown ass man.... *ummm, don't be sneaking up behind me whispering in my ear with that deep ol' voice SON!* MATTER OF FACT....I'MMA NEED FOR YOU NOT TO GO UP TO ANY FEMALES TALKING ALL IN THAT MAN VOICE YO!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~
Da fuck you think you are tryna talk to ME for MAN!? Din't I just see you grab ol' dudes ass?
Did he just touch dude like I think he touched dude?
How the hell does that snaggle-toof broad get more action than me?! What I got to do to compete...stop brushing my damn teeth?
WHAT happened? I just got off the plain yesterday...y'all cain't blame that shit on me!
That's the bizness momma. That's.The.Bizness.Momma. Listen to your son momma, I wouldn't lead you wrong. THAT right there...is the bizness!!!
...BUT momma....but Momma!! Are you yellin' at me? Naw momma, I'm just sayin tho...
::Reggie comes over to give Sexy a hug:: I whisper to her loudly: Ain't that dude that's on the DL? He turned around and looked at me... I say: Don't be mad at me because that shit feels good to you...
Here take these. Man I ain't taking those. Take 'em Bloopty. For what? These are yours. What do I need a set of keys to your house for if I live in NYC? Because you ain't gonna be living in NYC forever!
2 days later @ another house: I want you to have these. I don't need these, I'll just wait for you to get home. No, these are your set...to have. Why? I just want you to have your own set of keys, so take them.
I like your dad. He's the bestest. HE'S a pimp! Don't talk about my daddy and my daddy is married. Well, he sure don't look like he married to me...I'dda never known. Don't talk about my daddy!
Why does she walk like that? She had some sour dick...her coochie is mad at her. Huh?
....2 were not seen.
....12 were disappointed.
....1 reminded me of why he's still a thought and not just a memory.
....and 1....well....hmmm, well that one...he told me in an irritated tone that 6 years is too long to close a deal. Huh? heeheehee
I was suppose to meet up with 3 bloggers but got together with 1, he ended up cooking me breakfast...for dinner.
I recieved a voicemail....Chubby Chocolate has a very...Jill Scott kind of voice...soft and warm...with a hint of a giggle as she told me that she would be spending the weekend up at her parents...she tried to sound exasperated but....she didn't pull it off....LOL
I bought CTA a cellphone for his birthday... his voicemail goeas something like this: Yo, you called. I didn't answer. Leave a message. I might get back at you. *I told him to change that shit...QUICK*
His ringtone goes something like this: Yo, answer the phone......CTA ANSWER.THE.PHONE....HEY!!!! I SAID ANSWER THE PHONE!!!!! *then in a low voice*....Man, just answer the doggone phone. *I told him he's a doggone nut*
....that's my son...T-bubbles.
TLA has a deep man voice... his, Hi mama sounds like a grown ass man.... *ummm, don't be sneaking up behind me whispering in my ear with that deep ol' voice SON!* MATTER OF FACT....I'MMA NEED FOR YOU NOT TO GO UP TO ANY FEMALES TALKING ALL IN THAT MAN VOICE YO!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~
Da fuck you think you are tryna talk to ME for MAN!? Din't I just see you grab ol' dudes ass?
Did he just touch dude like I think he touched dude?
How the hell does that snaggle-toof broad get more action than me?! What I got to do to compete...stop brushing my damn teeth?
WHAT happened? I just got off the plain yesterday...y'all cain't blame that shit on me!
That's the bizness momma. That's.The.Bizness.Momma. Listen to your son momma, I wouldn't lead you wrong. THAT right there...is the bizness!!!
...BUT momma....but Momma!! Are you yellin' at me? Naw momma, I'm just sayin tho...
::Reggie comes over to give Sexy a hug:: I whisper to her loudly: Ain't that dude that's on the DL? He turned around and looked at me... I say: Don't be mad at me because that shit feels good to you...
Here take these. Man I ain't taking those. Take 'em Bloopty. For what? These are yours. What do I need a set of keys to your house for if I live in NYC? Because you ain't gonna be living in NYC forever!
2 days later @ another house: I want you to have these. I don't need these, I'll just wait for you to get home. No, these are your set...to have. Why? I just want you to have your own set of keys, so take them.
I like your dad. He's the bestest. HE'S a pimp! Don't talk about my daddy and my daddy is married. Well, he sure don't look like he married to me...I'dda never known. Don't talk about my daddy!
Why does she walk like that? She had some sour dick...her coochie is mad at her. Huh?
