Thursday, April 27, 2006
My list of things I did today...
My list of things I did today:
1. Took my time getting to work even though I knew I was gonna be late.
2. Walked to my office door and looked through the glass doors...dark as hell in there.
3. Walk around to the "back door" by the kitchen and let myself in with magnetic sensor device. *would have unlocked the front door with my office keys...but can't find 'em...shhhhh, don't tell*
4. Turned on some lights because...it was damn dark in the office.
5. Turned on my computer.
6. Rememebered that Boss #1 is in Germeny, Boss #2 is in Texas, Boss #3 is in Chicago
7. Comptemplated going to the diner for breakfast and telling the people here I had a doctors appointment.
8. Decided to stay at work and use that mis-truth at a later date.
9. Went to go get my standard Venti Vanilla Latte and grilled cheese sammich.
10. Ate it all up in 2 seconds and drank my coffee 'til it no longer existed in my cup.
11. Read my work email.
12. Read my Yahoo email.
13. Look at my sorry ass blog then read ownmy blogroll.
14. Read my Gmail email.
15. Signed on to Yahoo IM.
16. Signed on to BPM and had 55 messages in my box....W-O-W! I'm some hot shit yo!
17. Put my feet up on desk and pulled out my newspaper.
18. Went to lunch with A boss.
19. Took a nap.
20. Wiped the slobber from my face and went to the bathroom on the 15th floor (mine is being renovated).
21. Went to Ma.rriott Ma.rq.uis to pick up my bosses cellphone he left in his room.
22. Went to store downstairs and got...Crunchy Cheetos, a bag of Ruffles: The Works, a 100 Grand bar, a Reese's, a Whatchamacallit, and some Pringles and a VitaWater Energy flavor and some Claritin.
23. Blogged this damn list.
Got here at 9:00 AM...have slept and felt like shit due to...me being to allergic to New York bullshit!!!!!!! and I am still here waiting for 6:30 to come so I can go have dinner with the tall jamaican (NOT to be confused with the little jamaican). This shit really sucks! And yes I know....I got paid for this shit!
1. Took my time getting to work even though I knew I was gonna be late.
2. Walked to my office door and looked through the glass doors...dark as hell in there.
3. Walk around to the "back door" by the kitchen and let myself in with magnetic sensor device. *would have unlocked the front door with my office keys...but can't find 'em...shhhhh, don't tell*
4. Turned on some lights because...it was damn dark in the office.
5. Turned on my computer.
6. Rememebered that Boss #1 is in Germeny, Boss #2 is in Texas, Boss #3 is in Chicago
7. Comptemplated going to the diner for breakfast and telling the people here I had a doctors appointment.
8. Decided to stay at work and use that mis-truth at a later date.
9. Went to go get my standard Venti Vanilla Latte and grilled cheese sammich.
10. Ate it all up in 2 seconds and drank my coffee 'til it no longer existed in my cup.
11. Read my work email.
12. Read my Yahoo email.
13. Look at my sorry ass blog then read ownmy blogroll.
14. Read my Gmail email.
15. Signed on to Yahoo IM.
16. Signed on to BPM and had 55 messages in my box....W-O-W! I'm some hot shit yo!
17. Put my feet up on desk and pulled out my newspaper.
18. Went to lunch with A boss.
19. Took a nap.
20. Wiped the slobber from my face and went to the bathroom on the 15th floor (mine is being renovated).
21. Went to Ma.rriott Ma.rq.uis to pick up my bosses cellphone he left in his room.
22. Went to store downstairs and got...Crunchy Cheetos, a bag of Ruffles: The Works, a 100 Grand bar, a Reese's, a Whatchamacallit, and some Pringles and a VitaWater Energy flavor and some Claritin.
23. Blogged this damn list.
Got here at 9:00 AM...have slept and felt like shit due to...me being to allergic to New York bullshit!!!!!!! and I am still here waiting for 6:30 to come so I can go have dinner with the tall jamaican (NOT to be confused with the little jamaican). This shit really sucks! And yes I know....I got paid for this shit!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I'm the EFFING Idiot!!
Ex-Factor
It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazyI keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to doYou let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
-Lauryn Hill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...yeeeaaa, you knew it like I know it...I'm an idiot.
As I am walking out the door last night from work (8pm), I get a call...it's a number, not a name so I don't answer it because....quiet as it's kept I've been handing my number out like it was a Katrina relief check (not a good example considering...FEMA took for fucking ever doing that and then not everyone got "theres")
Message: "Ca ll me w hn u g et th ssss mge."
huh?
Message AGAIN: "Cll m wn yu g mes sage."
Da hell?
Message again AGAIN: "Call me when you get this message"
*I shake my head*
Thinking that this man is the debbil fa real. Out to torture my being , my soul, my life, my mind!
Wasn't gonna do it...I tell ya, I wasn't gonna do it!
Bloop: Yes?
TI: Do you want me to come see you?
Bloop: Thought you were at the Yankees game....
TI: I am but it's raining...I am ready to leave. When will you be home?
Bloop: In about 45 minutes to an hour.
TI: *silence*
Bloop: *feeling pressured and like a reprimanded child* I'll call you when I get home!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He came over. For fucking what????
TI *sits down with his head in his hands*: I don't know why I am here. I didn't want to come. I don't know what I am doing with you. I don't know what I am doing to myself.
*shakes his head*
I can't get use to this. This shit is not cool...how am I suppose to act? I haven't been here before...and if I have I don't remember 'cause I feel like I can't think straight.
Now....for those of you who have seen Ja.mie Fo.xx on stage you'll understand .....................
I am over on the otherside of the small ass studio I have, in the corner just watching him.
(Ja.mie F.ox.x)
Imagine walking down the street and your not paying attention and suddenly you look up and you've walked up on a pitbull.... Your like, oh fuck! Looking around like...where can I run to if this dog goes crazy and attacks me. Yet, thinking...maybe he'll just let you pass or turn around and walk away from him. But because this dog is so Unp.redictable (fit right in huh?), you don't know if you should
1. walk away slowly
2. run
3. pretend everything is everything and continue on the road you were on..........
THAT is ZACTLY how I felt in my little studio with a man huge-r than me...talking some derrange shit...with a look of "murder-suicide" that wasn't far from the surface.Me thinking that I can assauge ANY situation...let him talk, then I calmly and sllllooooowwwwly gave him some responses that 1. were true and 2. would make him second-think the craziness.
He left in a huff unwilling to at least try my suggestion.
My suggestion?
Let's see eachother...get back into the groove of where we use to be..from there we can decide if we are going to go forward into a relationship. After all, me telling him to leave me the eff alone is OBVIOUSLY not working...so I figured I'd try a different approach.
TI: NO! I am not going to "date" you! I want to fucking live my life with you....so "seeing" you is like dating my wife. It's not possible. I can't do this.
Bloop: Ok
TI. Bye *I walk him to the door and he leaves*
FAST FORWARD 8 and a half hours....7:00am
Phone rings...
TI: If your really serious about trying to get back to where we both know we should be. Where we've been before...if we can start a new slate...I think we can do this...don't you?
Bloop: Look...*deep ass breath*...we can never "start over"....this isn't grade school with "do overs"....this is real adult fucking life. I 'm not...can't forget some of the stuff you put me through...but I can make a conscious decision to get past it and forgive. SO I am not promising you a smooth path...more like a bumpy road...more like a jungle terrain with a whole lotta dips and valleys...so if you can handle me until it does smooth out then I am putting it out there for you to decide. However, I need for you to know that your not gonna bully me and push me into a relationship like you did at the beginning....I am not agreeing to anything other than spending time with you and seeing where this can go...'cause being cornered into a relationship requires more than I can give you at this time. Balls in your court. Think about what I said 'cause I gotta go get ready for work.
TI: Ok. I'll think about it.
FAST FORWARD 3 hours later....
Phone rings....
TI: I have a camp down in Florida, we can see about spending the week in Orlando with the boys (and his daughter) OR...I sent you the stuff for Cancun...that's closer to the boys and they can just fly from Cal and you and I will fly from NY....will you look into it?
My chant from yesterday is reverberating in my head over and over as I say...Yes TI, I'll check out flights for us in June for a family vacation...............................
I soooo Fucking Suck!
*slish...what's your therapist name?
It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazyI keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to doYou let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
-Lauryn Hill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...yeeeaaa, you knew it like I know it...I'm an idiot.
As I am walking out the door last night from work (8pm), I get a call...it's a number, not a name so I don't answer it because....quiet as it's kept I've been handing my number out like it was a Katrina relief check (not a good example considering...FEMA took for fucking ever doing that and then not everyone got "theres")
Message: "Ca ll me w hn u g et th ssss mge."
huh?
Message AGAIN: "Cll m wn yu g mes sage."
Da hell?
Message again AGAIN: "Call me when you get this message"
*I shake my head*
Thinking that this man is the debbil fa real. Out to torture my being , my soul, my life, my mind!
Wasn't gonna do it...I tell ya, I wasn't gonna do it!
Bloop: Yes?
TI: Do you want me to come see you?
Bloop: Thought you were at the Yankees game....
TI: I am but it's raining...I am ready to leave. When will you be home?
Bloop: In about 45 minutes to an hour.
TI: *silence*
Bloop: *feeling pressured and like a reprimanded child* I'll call you when I get home!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He came over. For fucking what????
TI *sits down with his head in his hands*: I don't know why I am here. I didn't want to come. I don't know what I am doing with you. I don't know what I am doing to myself.
*shakes his head*
I can't get use to this. This shit is not cool...how am I suppose to act? I haven't been here before...and if I have I don't remember 'cause I feel like I can't think straight.
Now....for those of you who have seen Ja.mie Fo.xx on stage you'll understand .....................
I am over on the otherside of the small ass studio I have, in the corner just watching him.
(Ja.mie F.ox.x)
Imagine walking down the street and your not paying attention and suddenly you look up and you've walked up on a pitbull.... Your like, oh fuck! Looking around like...where can I run to if this dog goes crazy and attacks me. Yet, thinking...maybe he'll just let you pass or turn around and walk away from him. But because this dog is so Unp.redictable (fit right in huh?), you don't know if you should
1. walk away slowly
2. run
3. pretend everything is everything and continue on the road you were on..........
THAT is ZACTLY how I felt in my little studio with a man huge-r than me...talking some derrange shit...with a look of "murder-suicide" that wasn't far from the surface.Me thinking that I can assauge ANY situation...let him talk, then I calmly and sllllooooowwwwly gave him some responses that 1. were true and 2. would make him second-think the craziness.
He left in a huff unwilling to at least try my suggestion.
My suggestion?
Let's see eachother...get back into the groove of where we use to be..from there we can decide if we are going to go forward into a relationship. After all, me telling him to leave me the eff alone is OBVIOUSLY not working...so I figured I'd try a different approach.
TI: NO! I am not going to "date" you! I want to fucking live my life with you....so "seeing" you is like dating my wife. It's not possible. I can't do this.
Bloop: Ok
TI. Bye *I walk him to the door and he leaves*
FAST FORWARD 8 and a half hours....7:00am
Phone rings...
TI: If your really serious about trying to get back to where we both know we should be. Where we've been before...if we can start a new slate...I think we can do this...don't you?
Bloop: Look...*deep ass breath*...we can never "start over"....this isn't grade school with "do overs"....this is real adult fucking life. I 'm not...can't forget some of the stuff you put me through...but I can make a conscious decision to get past it and forgive. SO I am not promising you a smooth path...more like a bumpy road...more like a jungle terrain with a whole lotta dips and valleys...so if you can handle me until it does smooth out then I am putting it out there for you to decide. However, I need for you to know that your not gonna bully me and push me into a relationship like you did at the beginning....I am not agreeing to anything other than spending time with you and seeing where this can go...'cause being cornered into a relationship requires more than I can give you at this time. Balls in your court. Think about what I said 'cause I gotta go get ready for work.
TI: Ok. I'll think about it.
FAST FORWARD 3 hours later....
Phone rings....
TI: I have a camp down in Florida, we can see about spending the week in Orlando with the boys (and his daughter) OR...I sent you the stuff for Cancun...that's closer to the boys and they can just fly from Cal and you and I will fly from NY....will you look into it?
My chant from yesterday is reverberating in my head over and over as I say...Yes TI, I'll check out flights for us in June for a family vacation...............................
I soooo Fucking Suck!
*slish...what's your therapist name?
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I'm Repeating Myself
I know I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.
I know this isn't right. It's not right. It's not right. It's not right.
I know I am a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.
I know this isn't right. It's not right. It's not right.
It's not right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Itch called me today...the first day since last Wednesday.
TI: What's up?
Bloop: What's up with you?
TI: Do you miss me?
Bloop: Yes.
TI: No, you don't. You just miss the money I spent on you. You miss living rent free. You miss not having a ride to drive to see your other boyfriends. I told you before, I don't do relationships. They are too painful. Look, I love you. I've missed you every day since you moved out. I am only sleeping 3 hours every night. My leg stretches out and your legs aren't there. This king size bed has never felt so big. I miss you. I think about calling you and know that it will only turn into an arguement because my emotions are fucked right now and I am angry because your not where I think you should be...next to me.
Bloop: *silence*
Silence because he obviously needs to get some shit off his chest. Silence because I've heard this before. Silence because I know longer believe it. Silence because his feelings no longer matter to me. Silence because to me...it's just blah blah blah.
TI: I think the best thing for me to do is delete all your numbers and just not contact you...and you not contact me. Bloop, you do understand don't you? I'm hurting. This isn't easy. It's going to take a long time for me to get over you...over us. It hurts.
Bloop: I care about you too. I miss you too. I understand. Do what you have to do to make your life work for you. If your looking for me to console you, to try to change your mind, to try and argue your points....I'm not. This is much easier. Don't contact me and I won't contact you. I don't want you being frustrated, I don't want you resenting me, I don't want to argue with you. Let's just let it go (like I thought we did last Wednesday).
TI: Do you understand me? Do you understand what I am saying, do you know why I am doing this?
Bloop: *didn't you just spend the last 15 minutes telling me this?*
Bloop: Yes TI. You explained yourself clearly. No need to go into it. I don't want you getting all upset. I really do care about you and I wish you the best. Be good and take care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do care about this man. Alot alot alot.
Yet....
I'm done.
This erratic phone call lets me know that this man is psycho(not really but...)....I know it sounds like he cares...and he does...alot. Yet, you didn't hear the desperation in his voice...the rushed speech, as if he slowed down talking, he wouldn't finish. Ok, so tell me again what you called for...'cause what I got was you miss me, you feel used, you want me...yet your done....? So again...tell me why you called? FUCK!
SOO now I am all jumbled all confused. I DO care about this man...to an extent. I care more for my living situation and him being able to help that. I've never really truely believed in love and that forever shit was something I said just to make a man feel like I was in it to win it. Yet, deep inside....I was in it to get it. Thoughts of a life-long companion died long ago...with that 9 year marriage. These days?....what is the saying?....first times for love, second is for money.... Nuff said.
The part that makes me the bitch is that I AM broke and I DO need his money, his rent free arrangement and his car.
I came diss close to just saying...fuck it! We're back together and your my man and I will do all the little petty shit you wanted me to do and I will sacrifice a part of who I am to be with you AND I will give up on the belief that a true love MIGHT be possible in this life time FOR ME.
I came thiiiiiissss cloooosse to saying that! As I sit here with No bed as of yet...no FULL refrigerator of groceries....no money for the Aruba trip I wanted to take ALONE....no money to do all the little girly shit I use to do like Brazillian waxes, massages, or even just shoe shopping.
Yet, as much as I am a conniving, bitter, materialistic, silly ass broad.......... I couldn't bring myself to say "let's get back together (for the money)" Because I know he cares. When the eff did I start fucking caring where someone else's feeling were??? When did I stop looking for greener pastures? Aww damn, can I be IN love? Fuck thaaat!!!
Y'all just don't know........living with that man was like a rollercoaster. I know people say shit like that all the time...bud-da, I'm for fucking real. Mood swings, tit-4-tat, cheating, secrecy, I'mma-get-you-before-you-get-me attitude. Worst of all though was his temper. I haven't and wouldn't tell y'all what he's done to me in his anger....that would only anger some of you who have decided that I need protecting. Yet, his quick temper and him being a big ol' African....y'all know I am only 5'4 (and 3/4ths...but closer to 5'5)...I'mma itty bitty thing...with some squishy in the middle. When that man gets mad he hurts my feelings just looking at me!!
I want his money minus the man....possible? Not so much. So, I am either to settle with some basic, average, typical ass to take me on dates and fanagle some money out of or go with what I know and what I know is TI. Bills still need to be paid and it's almost summer...I need a damn vacation.
The love I have for this man is some derived version of WANT. Not need.
*yea so what if this is just babble....I am trying to figure my shit out and I'm doing it here....on my damn blog. I am thinking shit through...working some shit out and trying to see......
what the fuck just happened!
I know this isn't right. It's not right. It's not right. It's not right.
I know I am a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.
I know this isn't right. It's not right. It's not right.
It's not right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Itch called me today...the first day since last Wednesday.
TI: What's up?
Bloop: What's up with you?
TI: Do you miss me?
Bloop: Yes.
TI: No, you don't. You just miss the money I spent on you. You miss living rent free. You miss not having a ride to drive to see your other boyfriends. I told you before, I don't do relationships. They are too painful. Look, I love you. I've missed you every day since you moved out. I am only sleeping 3 hours every night. My leg stretches out and your legs aren't there. This king size bed has never felt so big. I miss you. I think about calling you and know that it will only turn into an arguement because my emotions are fucked right now and I am angry because your not where I think you should be...next to me.
Bloop: *silence*
Silence because he obviously needs to get some shit off his chest. Silence because I've heard this before. Silence because I know longer believe it. Silence because his feelings no longer matter to me. Silence because to me...it's just blah blah blah.
TI: I think the best thing for me to do is delete all your numbers and just not contact you...and you not contact me. Bloop, you do understand don't you? I'm hurting. This isn't easy. It's going to take a long time for me to get over you...over us. It hurts.
Bloop: I care about you too. I miss you too. I understand. Do what you have to do to make your life work for you. If your looking for me to console you, to try to change your mind, to try and argue your points....I'm not. This is much easier. Don't contact me and I won't contact you. I don't want you being frustrated, I don't want you resenting me, I don't want to argue with you. Let's just let it go (like I thought we did last Wednesday).
TI: Do you understand me? Do you understand what I am saying, do you know why I am doing this?
Bloop: *didn't you just spend the last 15 minutes telling me this?*
Bloop: Yes TI. You explained yourself clearly. No need to go into it. I don't want you getting all upset. I really do care about you and I wish you the best. Be good and take care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do care about this man. Alot alot alot.
Yet....
I'm done.
This erratic phone call lets me know that this man is psycho(not really but...)....I know it sounds like he cares...and he does...alot. Yet, you didn't hear the desperation in his voice...the rushed speech, as if he slowed down talking, he wouldn't finish. Ok, so tell me again what you called for...'cause what I got was you miss me, you feel used, you want me...yet your done....? So again...tell me why you called? FUCK!
SOO now I am all jumbled all confused. I DO care about this man...to an extent. I care more for my living situation and him being able to help that. I've never really truely believed in love and that forever shit was something I said just to make a man feel like I was in it to win it. Yet, deep inside....I was in it to get it. Thoughts of a life-long companion died long ago...with that 9 year marriage. These days?....what is the saying?....first times for love, second is for money.... Nuff said.
The part that makes me the bitch is that I AM broke and I DO need his money, his rent free arrangement and his car.
I came diss close to just saying...fuck it! We're back together and your my man and I will do all the little petty shit you wanted me to do and I will sacrifice a part of who I am to be with you AND I will give up on the belief that a true love MIGHT be possible in this life time FOR ME.
I came thiiiiiissss cloooosse to saying that! As I sit here with No bed as of yet...no FULL refrigerator of groceries....no money for the Aruba trip I wanted to take ALONE....no money to do all the little girly shit I use to do like Brazillian waxes, massages, or even just shoe shopping.
Yet, as much as I am a conniving, bitter, materialistic, silly ass broad.......... I couldn't bring myself to say "let's get back together (for the money)" Because I know he cares. When the eff did I start fucking caring where someone else's feeling were??? When did I stop looking for greener pastures? Aww damn, can I be IN love? Fuck thaaat!!!
Y'all just don't know........living with that man was like a rollercoaster. I know people say shit like that all the time...bud-da, I'm for fucking real. Mood swings, tit-4-tat, cheating, secrecy, I'mma-get-you-before-you-get-me attitude. Worst of all though was his temper. I haven't and wouldn't tell y'all what he's done to me in his anger....that would only anger some of you who have decided that I need protecting. Yet, his quick temper and him being a big ol' African....y'all know I am only 5'4 (and 3/4ths...but closer to 5'5)...I'mma itty bitty thing...with some squishy in the middle. When that man gets mad he hurts my feelings just looking at me!!
I want his money minus the man....possible? Not so much. So, I am either to settle with some basic, average, typical ass to take me on dates and fanagle some money out of or go with what I know and what I know is TI. Bills still need to be paid and it's almost summer...I need a damn vacation.
The love I have for this man is some derived version of WANT. Not need.
*yea so what if this is just babble....I am trying to figure my shit out and I'm doing it here....on my damn blog. I am thinking shit through...working some shit out and trying to see......
what the fuck just happened!
To My Half A Box of Condoms
It is a beautiful sunny Sunday, and my relationship status is such that I am cleaning out my sock drawer.
I get to the bottom, and discover 2 purple, foil squares.
Ah...old friends, I remember you well.
The optimism of buying a box of 6.
The butterflies in the stomach on the night of your unveiling. ....and now you sit abandoned.
And, it turns out, soon to expire. I'm a frugal sort. I hate wasting anything.
So now I've got a timeline for final deployment: Nov 2006.
I'm very task oriented--I love working against a deadline.
A promise... to my half a box of condoms.....*smile*
I get to the bottom, and discover 2 purple, foil squares.
Ah...old friends, I remember you well.
The optimism of buying a box of 6.
The butterflies in the stomach on the night of your unveiling. ....and now you sit abandoned.
And, it turns out, soon to expire. I'm a frugal sort. I hate wasting anything.
So now I've got a timeline for final deployment: Nov 2006.
I'm very task oriented--I love working against a deadline.
A promise... to my half a box of condoms.....*smile*
Monday, April 24, 2006
Let's see...
Friday...I was sick as fuck all the way to Detroit (that was my connecting flight)....but by the time I made it to my final destination....I was semi good. Not quite good to go...but good to sit and look like I was good to go. He picked me up and what I love about a man....is when they don't care about the parking fee...they park their car and meet you at the gate...well as close as they can get to the gate. He was in a suit, mind you....seen him only in jeans and a sweater and coat in the freezing ass wind in Time Square...Bar 89 and ending it with a hug in Time Square...again. So this suited up cat was....different but since I had a pic of him in his suit anyway...and I know he's the head honcho in Satan's Anus....the suit wasn't that big of a surprise but an added bonus...after all, ya'll know I be checking on the men in "suits".
We take our long ass ride back to where we wanna be and he drives me through the town and shows me..."the sights"....ok, nice...quiet....family community. I didn't expect anything else. After all, I've travelled enough in my day to know that Satan's Anus isn't the New York/LA of the mid-west. We were trying to figure out what trouble we should get into...we had joked back and forth about me meeting Carmel....which wasn't really a joke. Although, I DID jokingly tell him to have that broad cook us a home meal.......so, as we brushed her off and sat and had dinner with 3 other women of SA...Carmel texts him to ask if we were still coming. See, to one group of "friends" I am the cousin....to the other group of friends...I am a friend. Hmmm...either way. Nice restaurant with jazz (loud ass) music, with good company OR Carmel's spot with her trying to "entertain" me 'cause she's meeting his "family"....LOL Choice is easy....he wouldn't have felt ocmfortable and I ain't in the mood for bullshit tonight...for 1. I'm still hung-over and for 2. A bitch would have known that the only kinda cousin I coulda been would have been the kind they have in W. Virginia...and she'd prolly ended up poisoning our food. It was only after the fact, that I found out that her baby daddy is making six-figures and is a country bumpkin...otherwise we'd had a cool little hook up...him and her and me milking baby-daddy. Never mind...too complex and I ain't that complex...I'dda just got confused.
Our plan was to go to a couple of spots...that was the PLAN. My post hung-over state means that a bed is my only other "plan". So, we say goodbye to (who I THINK should be his) chocolate cutey, the lite-eyed dread chick and the older crazy broad... Am I coming back in June for a going away party???? Umm, I just met you chicks...now we hangin' partnas planning return trips? Who's paying? lol
Meanwhile, back at the ranch....it's taking us like a billion years to get back to the "actual" residence.... and then, he wants to stop and buy some shit......ok, I know it's only 10 o'clock...but I FEEL like I've been up for 24 straight....... and to make matters worse.... shit he bought didn't even work. *That there folks is something to make you wonder WTFuck did he buy*
Ok, we talked about sleeping arrangements and this cat has 3 bedrooms and a livingroom with a chair I could easily fit in and call a queen size bed as small as my ass is! I am on the futon....and with the door closed....and with the covers over my head...this muthascooter snores!
Saturday we get up and I cook some eggs, biscuits and some turkey sausage...and he makes some coffee. Wait?! We ain't married! Don't think you getting this same treatment tomorrow brotha-man. We don't end up leaving the house until 4...5...only to go for a hour stroll through the mall and BACK to eating..... Don't think I'm complaining....the fastest way to my heart is to feed me. I think I may have told him this before...
'cause Sunday morning....well afternoon, we had pizza, buffalo wings, and breadsticks in bed in front of the tv. Got BACK to Detroit and had a damn lay-over due to the weather...Michael Moore (Bow.ling for Col.umbine) was in first class back to NYC.
I had the most...peaceful weekend I have had in 7 months. Even in Puerto Rico last month, I wasn't this relaxed. No performing, entertaining, waking up early, uncomfortableness, or disagreements....just fucking relaxing. I needed the weekeend more than he knew.
....and it means more to me to have someone that I am THAT comfortable with then anything else. He's such a man, he'd never understand...but ladies.....we need to relax.....all it takes is for someone to make you feel that you can relax.
I had an hour and a half delay oming back home due to the effing weather in New Jersey. Thanks NJ.....thanks-a-freaking-lot!!
Before that however, he and I had a long talk. I don't know y'all..... but hopefully, to clear some shit up....
Dude, you and I need to talk again......
If y'all get a chance....go to the Anus....it IS as bad as he says for a single professional man...but it's NOT that bad for a professional man with a family.
Friday...I was sick as fuck all the way to Detroit (that was my connecting flight)....but by the time I made it to my final destination....I was semi good. Not quite good to go...but good to sit and look like I was good to go. He picked me up and what I love about a man....is when they don't care about the parking fee...they park their car and meet you at the gate...well as close as they can get to the gate. He was in a suit, mind you....seen him only in jeans and a sweater and coat in the freezing ass wind in Time Square...Bar 89 and ending it with a hug in Time Square...again. So this suited up cat was....different but since I had a pic of him in his suit anyway...and I know he's the head honcho in Satan's Anus....the suit wasn't that big of a surprise but an added bonus...after all, ya'll know I be checking on the men in "suits".
We take our long ass ride back to where we wanna be and he drives me through the town and shows me..."the sights"....ok, nice...quiet....family community. I didn't expect anything else. After all, I've travelled enough in my day to know that Satan's Anus isn't the New York/LA of the mid-west. We were trying to figure out what trouble we should get into...we had joked back and forth about me meeting Carmel....which wasn't really a joke. Although, I DID jokingly tell him to have that broad cook us a home meal.......so, as we brushed her off and sat and had dinner with 3 other women of SA...Carmel texts him to ask if we were still coming. See, to one group of "friends" I am the cousin....to the other group of friends...I am a friend. Hmmm...either way. Nice restaurant with jazz (loud ass) music, with good company OR Carmel's spot with her trying to "entertain" me 'cause she's meeting his "family"....LOL Choice is easy....he wouldn't have felt ocmfortable and I ain't in the mood for bullshit tonight...for 1. I'm still hung-over and for 2. A bitch would have known that the only kinda cousin I coulda been would have been the kind they have in W. Virginia...and she'd prolly ended up poisoning our food. It was only after the fact, that I found out that her baby daddy is making six-figures and is a country bumpkin...otherwise we'd had a cool little hook up...him and her and me milking baby-daddy. Never mind...too complex and I ain't that complex...I'dda just got confused.
Our plan was to go to a couple of spots...that was the PLAN. My post hung-over state means that a bed is my only other "plan". So, we say goodbye to (who I THINK should be his) chocolate cutey, the lite-eyed dread chick and the older crazy broad... Am I coming back in June for a going away party???? Umm, I just met you chicks...now we hangin' partnas planning return trips? Who's paying? lol
Meanwhile, back at the ranch....it's taking us like a billion years to get back to the "actual" residence.... and then, he wants to stop and buy some shit......ok, I know it's only 10 o'clock...but I FEEL like I've been up for 24 straight....... and to make matters worse.... shit he bought didn't even work. *That there folks is something to make you wonder WTFuck did he buy*
Ok, we talked about sleeping arrangements and this cat has 3 bedrooms and a livingroom with a chair I could easily fit in and call a queen size bed as small as my ass is! I am on the futon....and with the door closed....and with the covers over my head...this muthascooter snores!
Saturday we get up and I cook some eggs, biscuits and some turkey sausage...and he makes some coffee. Wait?! We ain't married! Don't think you getting this same treatment tomorrow brotha-man. We don't end up leaving the house until 4...5...only to go for a hour stroll through the mall and BACK to eating..... Don't think I'm complaining....the fastest way to my heart is to feed me. I think I may have told him this before...
'cause Sunday morning....well afternoon, we had pizza, buffalo wings, and breadsticks in bed in front of the tv. Got BACK to Detroit and had a damn lay-over due to the weather...Michael Moore (Bow.ling for Col.umbine) was in first class back to NYC.
I had the most...peaceful weekend I have had in 7 months. Even in Puerto Rico last month, I wasn't this relaxed. No performing, entertaining, waking up early, uncomfortableness, or disagreements....just fucking relaxing. I needed the weekeend more than he knew.
....and it means more to me to have someone that I am THAT comfortable with then anything else. He's such a man, he'd never understand...but ladies.....we need to relax.....all it takes is for someone to make you feel that you can relax.
I had an hour and a half delay oming back home due to the effing weather in New Jersey. Thanks NJ.....thanks-a-freaking-lot!!
Before that however, he and I had a long talk. I don't know y'all..... but hopefully, to clear some shit up....
Dude, you and I need to talk again......
If y'all get a chance....go to the Anus....it IS as bad as he says for a single professional man...but it's NOT that bad for a professional man with a family.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Y'all muthafuckas thought I was playing.
I did ZACTLY what I said I was gonna do last night.
....and I am paying the fucken consequences for it this morning. I am hung-the-fuck-over...like a muthafucka.
*had my head on my desk and just realized...I got some major food...crumbs inside my keyboard. That shit is gross....*
I met up with this man and some of his co-workers at the Jade Terrace. Had 3 vodka crans there. Got REJECTED by someone that wasn't even my type but looked like he had a job. THAT hurt my feelings in a major way. I've NEVER not been wanted...da hell was he drinking? Either way sorta made me trigger shy about getting my mack on up in that spot. So I stayed close to my friend and his group.
From Jade Terrace we headed over to Social...it's a bar on 9th and 48th...or something like that. I was a little fucked up on the walk over there so I don't much remember where it was. What I do remember is that me and dude were the only brown faces up in there. Until we met...Hakim. Hakim wasn't my type either but he was gonna be my type until he bought me a drink...and he did.... quickly...and had to buy my friends drinks too because there was a minimum for charges....heeheehee He bought our drinks and then......I turned my back on him and went about my business of talking to my new best friends...the "co-workers".
I had noticed when we sat down, that there was a group of guys to my left but they were all white and me being me....don't really see white men. I sorta look past them to look for "real" men....black men. Then I remembered my blogger declaration....
I met Shamus...gaelic for James. Yes, an Irish mon. He rubbed my leg...said they were soft...heeheehee...
and that's the end of that story.
This man, ever the savior....came and picked up me and dude....took us both home and them made his way back up to the Bronx...
This morning I have thrown up so hard that it came through my nose. I have thrown up so hard that if it were not for thong pantyliners...I would have had an accident on myself. I have thrown up so hard and the projection was so forceful that said throw up flew into the toilet then splahed me back in my face and also my hair..... I am leaving for the airport in 15 minutes.....I hope dude doesn't smell the throw up in my hair.....
Have a good weekend.
I did ZACTLY what I said I was gonna do last night.
....and I am paying the fucken consequences for it this morning. I am hung-the-fuck-over...like a muthafucka.
*had my head on my desk and just realized...I got some major food...crumbs inside my keyboard. That shit is gross....*
I met up with this man and some of his co-workers at the Jade Terrace. Had 3 vodka crans there. Got REJECTED by someone that wasn't even my type but looked like he had a job. THAT hurt my feelings in a major way. I've NEVER not been wanted...da hell was he drinking? Either way sorta made me trigger shy about getting my mack on up in that spot. So I stayed close to my friend and his group.
From Jade Terrace we headed over to Social...it's a bar on 9th and 48th...or something like that. I was a little fucked up on the walk over there so I don't much remember where it was. What I do remember is that me and dude were the only brown faces up in there. Until we met...Hakim. Hakim wasn't my type either but he was gonna be my type until he bought me a drink...and he did.... quickly...and had to buy my friends drinks too because there was a minimum for charges....heeheehee He bought our drinks and then......I turned my back on him and went about my business of talking to my new best friends...the "co-workers".
I had noticed when we sat down, that there was a group of guys to my left but they were all white and me being me....don't really see white men. I sorta look past them to look for "real" men....black men. Then I remembered my blogger declaration....
I met Shamus...gaelic for James. Yes, an Irish mon. He rubbed my leg...said they were soft...heeheehee...
and that's the end of that story.
This man, ever the savior....came and picked up me and dude....took us both home and them made his way back up to the Bronx...
This morning I have thrown up so hard that it came through my nose. I have thrown up so hard that if it were not for thong pantyliners...I would have had an accident on myself. I have thrown up so hard and the projection was so forceful that said throw up flew into the toilet then splahed me back in my face and also my hair..... I am leaving for the airport in 15 minutes.....I hope dude doesn't smell the throw up in my hair.....
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
As I told hotGrrrl.....
Today it's tan and black with some leopard print shoes....feeling DANGEROUS today....I advise everyone NOT to look me directly in the eyes...I might attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a little bitter, angry and confused...so I am going to a networking function tonight and taking it out on every fucking man I see. Not in a mean way...but in a yes-uhuh-ok-really-whatever-ni**a-just-buy-me-a-drink way. No one gets hurt, everyone leaves happy...and I leave full, in a taxi back up to Harlem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you hate when people try to give advice that they themselves can't even follow. Back-tracking and recanting some ol' bullshit they said earlier. Buncha fucken hypocrits....get the fuck on YO! I know I sound mad....I'm not really feeling mad....feeling like "fuck this!"..... You ask fuck what?...fuck THIS!...everything! I'm shaking my head because it's everything...yet...it's not. You don't follow?...so the fuck what!
All I know is that it's been 3 and a half weeks since I had some satisfactory sex....ok, not that long but for y'all...THAT long! I ain't let that man touch me since we've been back from Puerto Rico...he gets no parts of Bloopty....... SO....maybe THAT'S it. Yes, y'all I am having a mini epiphany....maybe I need sex. Not just the fucking kind, not some old love shit...but just some basic satifactory sex. Some dick that just makes me cum...makes my shit wet and dripping down my leg....the kind where I-am-going-to-sleep-I-could-careless-if-you-rob-me-blind-'cause-that-shit-was hella-satisfactory-and-as-long-as-you-make-me-a-sandwich-on-your-way-out-I-won't-even-call-the-cops-on-your-ass sex.
So today...I declare today the day of satisfactory sex for me and all man kind.....if you get great sex...the more power to you but I am shooting low on the totem pole and finding me some satifactory dick. Tonight I am on the prowl. Ain't never had a one night stand but....tonight....just may be that time for me to hit the streets of New York.............and you know what? Fuck it I am going all the way..........I'mma have some one-night-stand-satisfactory sex with a man THAT'S NOT BLACK. Yeeeaaaaa, how you feel about them apples!
..........and today I am even feeling like telling my story about The Event. I am feeling grimey like a muthafucka............ok, well maybe not that grimey. SO I will write it and save it to my drafts...if I feel like being a bitch tomorrow too...then I'll post that story.
I'm out!
Today it's tan and black with some leopard print shoes....feeling DANGEROUS today....I advise everyone NOT to look me directly in the eyes...I might attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a little bitter, angry and confused...so I am going to a networking function tonight and taking it out on every fucking man I see. Not in a mean way...but in a yes-uhuh-ok-really-whatever-ni**a-just-buy-me-a-drink way. No one gets hurt, everyone leaves happy...and I leave full, in a taxi back up to Harlem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you hate when people try to give advice that they themselves can't even follow. Back-tracking and recanting some ol' bullshit they said earlier. Buncha fucken hypocrits....get the fuck on YO! I know I sound mad....I'm not really feeling mad....feeling like "fuck this!"..... You ask fuck what?...fuck THIS!...everything! I'm shaking my head because it's everything...yet...it's not. You don't follow?...so the fuck what!
All I know is that it's been 3 and a half weeks since I had some satisfactory sex....ok, not that long but for y'all...THAT long! I ain't let that man touch me since we've been back from Puerto Rico...he gets no parts of Bloopty....... SO....maybe THAT'S it. Yes, y'all I am having a mini epiphany....maybe I need sex. Not just the fucking kind, not some old love shit...but just some basic satifactory sex. Some dick that just makes me cum...makes my shit wet and dripping down my leg....the kind where I-am-going-to-sleep-I-could-careless-if-you-rob-me-blind-'cause-that-shit-was hella-satisfactory-and-as-long-as-you-make-me-a-sandwich-on-your-way-out-I-won't-even-call-the-cops-on-your-ass sex.
So today...I declare today the day of satisfactory sex for me and all man kind.....if you get great sex...the more power to you but I am shooting low on the totem pole and finding me some satifactory dick. Tonight I am on the prowl. Ain't never had a one night stand but....tonight....just may be that time for me to hit the streets of New York.............and you know what? Fuck it I am going all the way..........I'mma have some one-night-stand-satisfactory sex with a man THAT'S NOT BLACK. Yeeeaaaaa, how you feel about them apples!
..........and today I am even feeling like telling my story about The Event. I am feeling grimey like a muthafucka............ok, well maybe not that grimey. SO I will write it and save it to my drafts...if I feel like being a bitch tomorrow too...then I'll post that story.
I'm out!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Nothing To Say
I am struggling lately to write post. Nothing new and exciting going on in my life other than random phone calls from random people. Granted some of those phone calls are ...worth mentioning but you wouldn't find it funny unless you knew the whole story.
I was talking to RJ and he was using the bathroom, "why the hell everytime you call me your in the bathroom?" He laughed and said, "That's how I feel about you." Bloopty: "Beeotch!"
I came into work today and I see my HR Directors name in my in-box. That's like a death warrant at the job house. So many people are getting laid off....shoooooot! I almost didn't read that mug! In the subject line was: Setlist Now what the hell is a setlist? Being nosy and the fact he sent it to ME, I open it up...
"Hey Bloopty – Not sure if this actually went through, but my band asked me to print setlists for our show tonight… I think I may have sent it to the Xerox in NY. Not sure if it technically possible, but it was definitely the highlighted printer on my list of printers. So if anybody asks, tell them I said OOPS!"
Ok, wouldn't this be defined as using company property for personal use?!! ....and this from my Human Resources Director...da hell? He has opened up a whole can of worms now y'all ....lemme see if I need anything outta the supply cabinet ...LOL Well, I head on over to the printer to see what he's "accidently" printed out and it REALLY is a setlist.... Songs titled: "Wh.iskey Hol.ler", "H.onk if Yo.ur Lonely", "Tyra.nny of T.ears", "Lot to Lau.gh, Tr.ain t.o Cry"......what kind of music is this???? And do you think he'll be mad at me for posting it? lol Whatever man.
I can't get away from him. I thought I had gotten rid of him when I moved out. I saw him all day on Saturday. Sunday night at the b-ball game. Monday at the baseball game. He asked me to find something for us to do on Tuesday but I was like, "DUDE, I'm gonna be home by myself washing my hair." That bothered him but DAMN! I like my space and when I lived with him he WANTED his...but now he's scared the next man is gonna be creeping into my spot so he's doing some major cock-blocking! Eww!
He called me last night to say "You want some company tomorrow night?"....
Bloopty: "You know I have pool tomorrow."
Him: "I'll pick you up and we'll head back up to your place."....
Bloopty: *with a big ol huff* "Fine! I'll talk to you tomorrow."
If I didn't need a flat-screen........ ok ok ok, I don't need a flat-screen per se....but I do.
Speaking of talking on the phone...which I hate. T.I.M. called me last night. I answered and was like ...who?....who? Then it dawned on me...it was my supposed-to-be husband. He sent me a picture via the phone...umma, why the hell don't you have a shirt on?!! I was thinking about seeing if we could do a "get back", because it didn't end...just drifted off because of the bullshit I was in at the time. So not necessarily a get back... Then he started talking some....ish that I turned my nose up at. ...and just when I was about to rush him off the phone he says....
"so what do you need for your new spot?"...................there go that can of worms again!
I ran off my list...he laughed and said "all that?".....
Bloopty" "yeeeaaaaaa" (in a baby voice) He then says, "I'll see what I can do about that. I do have an extra television in the den you can have."
Now here is where I start showing my ass........."Well I had my heart set on this flat-screen. How big is the one you have?"
"We'll talk about the flat-screen when you invite me over and cook dinner."
BITCH! I know what the eff that means!!! I told him I'll be out of town this weekend and next weekend so he's gonna have to wait on dinner. hmph!
I am going to be out of town this weekend and I haven't told him. Yea, I know I am a punk...ain't never denied that fact! So I have been thinking and thinking about what I am going to say. I was gonna tell him that I was going up to Boston since I already sorta set that lie in motion but here is where it gets tricky. I JUST found out that that man had been through my phone. Through my text messages and everything. Now he didn't tell me all about what he has gone through but...I'mma assume he's been all over my phone. I think it's safe to say he's written down certain peoples numbers (so be on the watch out for calls from 914), which means I think he might just call Boston just to check up on me. I have to come up with a master mistruth (I ain't calling it a lie Slish) ....
really do'
This shit is turning out to be more work than whats necessary. I think I'll just tell him the truth about where I am going and he can deal with it how he wants. I also think that I will go ahead and let this fizzle out, or rather give him the time he needs to let it fizzle. Because me trying to leave him isn't working....just Sunday he told me that I am not going anywhere, that I am stuck with him forever. THAT sorta scurred me. Then again, he's always said stuff like that. I see that he was half fa real...'cause I've moved out when this man was at work, I wouldn't tell him where I lived, was mean as hell..........and here he is STILL spending gobs of money on me and wanting to be in my presence er'ry day and calling me all the time.
I will just have to be single and non-dating until he's done. I am not gonna be the twinkle in this mans eyes forever....am I? *huge sigh* I just don't know. I know your asking...if I don't like him why do I still see him now that I have moved out? Therein lies the answer...I do like him. However, with that said....I know this won't last. He sees me still as his girlfriend...I see him as my bank. He's gonna get his feelings hurt and I am gonna get a broke jaw by the time this is over.
I talked the boys this past weekend... TLA says, "mom, you know we are moving right?" Bloopty: "No, really? That's great. I hope it's a bigger house."
TLA: "Yea, it's a 6 bedroom house."
Bloopty: *da hell?*
Bloopty: "that's great big guy. I know you and your brother will love that."
TLA: "Yea, it's a huge house."
Bloopty: *feeling all dejected. their never wanna move with me now.*
TLA: "Mom?"
Bloopty: "yea, buddy. What's up?"
TLA: "I love you. When do we get to come live with you?"
Bloopty: *heart all full and throat all tight* "Soon buddy....soon!"
Yea, I got off the phone and cried. You'd never know how hard it is for a mother to live this far from her boys. I rarely talk about the boys to y'all because.....y'all not worthy *smile*I get misty eyed when I talk about the boys and I KNOW my focus hasn't been what it needed to be in order for them to move with me. I was on that path when I moved here....but I got derailed. However, I am back on track....just getting started and moving slowly but......I have a destination, have a purpose and am gonna get there on time (even if it's not the scheduled time)
My boss has been nicknaming everyone in the office....silly names that he can't say to their face...wonder what he calls me when I am not around. I know he calls me whatever color I have on...example: I wear red...he calls me Red, I wear purple, he calls me Violet.........well today I have on black.....let see what comes out of his mouth. hmph!
I was talking to RJ and he was using the bathroom, "why the hell everytime you call me your in the bathroom?" He laughed and said, "That's how I feel about you." Bloopty: "Beeotch!"
I came into work today and I see my HR Directors name in my in-box. That's like a death warrant at the job house. So many people are getting laid off....shoooooot! I almost didn't read that mug! In the subject line was: Setlist Now what the hell is a setlist? Being nosy and the fact he sent it to ME, I open it up...
"Hey Bloopty – Not sure if this actually went through, but my band asked me to print setlists for our show tonight… I think I may have sent it to the Xerox in NY. Not sure if it technically possible, but it was definitely the highlighted printer on my list of printers. So if anybody asks, tell them I said OOPS!"
Ok, wouldn't this be defined as using company property for personal use?!! ....and this from my Human Resources Director...da hell? He has opened up a whole can of worms now y'all ....lemme see if I need anything outta the supply cabinet ...LOL Well, I head on over to the printer to see what he's "accidently" printed out and it REALLY is a setlist.... Songs titled: "Wh.iskey Hol.ler", "H.onk if Yo.ur Lonely", "Tyra.nny of T.ears", "Lot to Lau.gh, Tr.ain t.o Cry"......what kind of music is this???? And do you think he'll be mad at me for posting it? lol Whatever man.
I can't get away from him. I thought I had gotten rid of him when I moved out. I saw him all day on Saturday. Sunday night at the b-ball game. Monday at the baseball game. He asked me to find something for us to do on Tuesday but I was like, "DUDE, I'm gonna be home by myself washing my hair." That bothered him but DAMN! I like my space and when I lived with him he WANTED his...but now he's scared the next man is gonna be creeping into my spot so he's doing some major cock-blocking! Eww!
He called me last night to say "You want some company tomorrow night?"....
Bloopty: "You know I have pool tomorrow."
Him: "I'll pick you up and we'll head back up to your place."....
Bloopty: *with a big ol huff* "Fine! I'll talk to you tomorrow."
If I didn't need a flat-screen........ ok ok ok, I don't need a flat-screen per se....but I do.
Speaking of talking on the phone...which I hate. T.I.M. called me last night. I answered and was like ...who?....who? Then it dawned on me...it was my supposed-to-be husband. He sent me a picture via the phone...umma, why the hell don't you have a shirt on?!! I was thinking about seeing if we could do a "get back", because it didn't end...just drifted off because of the bullshit I was in at the time. So not necessarily a get back... Then he started talking some....ish that I turned my nose up at. ...and just when I was about to rush him off the phone he says....
"so what do you need for your new spot?"...................there go that can of worms again!
I ran off my list...he laughed and said "all that?".....
Bloopty" "yeeeaaaaaa" (in a baby voice) He then says, "I'll see what I can do about that. I do have an extra television in the den you can have."
Now here is where I start showing my ass........."Well I had my heart set on this flat-screen. How big is the one you have?"
"We'll talk about the flat-screen when you invite me over and cook dinner."
BITCH! I know what the eff that means!!! I told him I'll be out of town this weekend and next weekend so he's gonna have to wait on dinner. hmph!
I am going to be out of town this weekend and I haven't told him. Yea, I know I am a punk...ain't never denied that fact! So I have been thinking and thinking about what I am going to say. I was gonna tell him that I was going up to Boston since I already sorta set that lie in motion but here is where it gets tricky. I JUST found out that that man had been through my phone. Through my text messages and everything. Now he didn't tell me all about what he has gone through but...I'mma assume he's been all over my phone. I think it's safe to say he's written down certain peoples numbers (so be on the watch out for calls from 914), which means I think he might just call Boston just to check up on me. I have to come up with a master mistruth (I ain't calling it a lie Slish) ....
really do'
This shit is turning out to be more work than whats necessary. I think I'll just tell him the truth about where I am going and he can deal with it how he wants. I also think that I will go ahead and let this fizzle out, or rather give him the time he needs to let it fizzle. Because me trying to leave him isn't working....just Sunday he told me that I am not going anywhere, that I am stuck with him forever. THAT sorta scurred me. Then again, he's always said stuff like that. I see that he was half fa real...'cause I've moved out when this man was at work, I wouldn't tell him where I lived, was mean as hell..........and here he is STILL spending gobs of money on me and wanting to be in my presence er'ry day and calling me all the time.
I will just have to be single and non-dating until he's done. I am not gonna be the twinkle in this mans eyes forever....am I? *huge sigh* I just don't know. I know your asking...if I don't like him why do I still see him now that I have moved out? Therein lies the answer...I do like him. However, with that said....I know this won't last. He sees me still as his girlfriend...I see him as my bank. He's gonna get his feelings hurt and I am gonna get a broke jaw by the time this is over.
I talked the boys this past weekend... TLA says, "mom, you know we are moving right?" Bloopty: "No, really? That's great. I hope it's a bigger house."
TLA: "Yea, it's a 6 bedroom house."
Bloopty: *da hell?*
Bloopty: "that's great big guy. I know you and your brother will love that."
TLA: "Yea, it's a huge house."
Bloopty: *feeling all dejected. their never wanna move with me now.*
TLA: "Mom?"
Bloopty: "yea, buddy. What's up?"
TLA: "I love you. When do we get to come live with you?"
Bloopty: *heart all full and throat all tight* "Soon buddy....soon!"
Yea, I got off the phone and cried. You'd never know how hard it is for a mother to live this far from her boys. I rarely talk about the boys to y'all because.....y'all not worthy *smile*I get misty eyed when I talk about the boys and I KNOW my focus hasn't been what it needed to be in order for them to move with me. I was on that path when I moved here....but I got derailed. However, I am back on track....just getting started and moving slowly but......I have a destination, have a purpose and am gonna get there on time (even if it's not the scheduled time)
My boss has been nicknaming everyone in the office....silly names that he can't say to their face...wonder what he calls me when I am not around. I know he calls me whatever color I have on...example: I wear red...he calls me Red, I wear purple, he calls me Violet.........well today I have on black.....let see what comes out of his mouth. hmph!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Is THAT How You Want To Start...
...your morning? Mad, angry and hurt? Your day can only get worse...and for what? Is THAT REALLY how you want to start your day?"
She looked at me like she wanted to slap the shit outta me. She didn't, she just twisted up her lips and walked away.
Angry angry angry black woman. Why are you so angry?
I could have gone off on her or just plain ignored her as I so often do to others; taking the bluster out of their sails as I casually walk away with no backwards glance and a smile on my face.
This morning however, I was in a nice...satisfied mood. SO I felt I had to say something. Something to just open up this angry womans eyes.
Baby girl, I'm trying to get to work just like you. Just like the 5-7 million people in New York. So, it's understood if you OR I happen to bump someone shoulders walking by, accidently step on the back of someones heel walking behind them, push up against/lean on someone on a crowded subway.....it is what it is....so why the hostility? You live here by choice...49 other states to chose from and you my nubian sista decided New York was it for you. So why the anger. It's a beautiful brisk morning. Sun is shining but you know what's even better than that?
You...you woke up this morning....you put on those pretty clothes....you WALKED out of your house....to (I am guessing) a job that pays you a nice paycheck TO BUY those nice clothes and get your hair done (it was nice and long...shiny too)
So again, why are you so angry?
Smile pretty lady....stop being mad at the world. Enjoy today and be happy.
She looked at me like she wanted to slap the shit outta me. She didn't, she just twisted up her lips and walked away.
Angry angry angry black woman. Why are you so angry?
I could have gone off on her or just plain ignored her as I so often do to others; taking the bluster out of their sails as I casually walk away with no backwards glance and a smile on my face.
This morning however, I was in a nice...satisfied mood. SO I felt I had to say something. Something to just open up this angry womans eyes.
Baby girl, I'm trying to get to work just like you. Just like the 5-7 million people in New York. So, it's understood if you OR I happen to bump someone shoulders walking by, accidently step on the back of someones heel walking behind them, push up against/lean on someone on a crowded subway.....it is what it is....so why the hostility? You live here by choice...49 other states to chose from and you my nubian sista decided New York was it for you. So why the anger. It's a beautiful brisk morning. Sun is shining but you know what's even better than that?
You...you woke up this morning....you put on those pretty clothes....you WALKED out of your house....to (I am guessing) a job that pays you a nice paycheck TO BUY those nice clothes and get your hair done (it was nice and long...shiny too)
So again, why are you so angry?
Smile pretty lady....stop being mad at the world. Enjoy today and be happy.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Rushing In Where...
...angels fear to tread.
I've been a bad
bad
bad
girl.
I've been a bad
bad
bad
girl.
Friday, April 14, 2006
It's The Weekend Babeeee
This is my first real weekend of being single and in my new spot...
Last week, I moved and was getting settled. Even though I am not fully in like I want to be...I am in there babeeee.
Friday I sent someone an email ...all friendly like, and I know it was friendly because it pained me to HAVE to be nice to him. However, I know this person and knew if I said anything close to distasteful, that he would run with it. Well, I shoulda known it would be taken TOTALLY out of context, I ended up getting a response that was ignorant from and ignorant male. Sorta makes things clear about why they aren't around anymore!......I hate over-emotional men, don't you? (I could tell you stories about the number of times this man has cried) Didn't really mess up my mood because his response...it's typical, basic and not out of the ordinary. Friday night I was suppose to have a "date" but I'd rather hang out with friends. I was gonna get together with this chick, this dude and maybe ol' boy if he feels like being bothered. But ended up getting home and feeling tired and a headache came on. Which has been happening more and more lately. I think it's a tad bit of stress, a tad bit of the pollen in the air and a tad bit of me being a hypochondriac. I was in bed and asleep by 7 on Friday night.
Saturday I woke up at the ass crack of dawn...cleaned my little flat and made my check list of things to get since The Itch was coming by this morning to take me shopping for the day. Wanted to spend the tax refund money but seeing as The Itch is trying to atone for past sins...he paid for everything this weekend....a whopping total of $800 for junk for my flat. He wanted to do it...he needed to do it...so I let him.
After all I was following RJ's advice: "Men need to feel needed. They like to do things for you, so let them"
Hey, I don't say this shit...I just write it...lol
We got back in late ....he stayed until he had to go to work (he worked late)...truth be told, I didn't want him there but how do I tell someone that just spent $800 on MY place that I don't want him IN my place...lol I couldn't sleep, I was very uncomfortable. I had gotten a text from RJ letting me know he was at The Den (case I wanted to be where he was)...I wanted to go but....couldn't...so I am home, in bed and uncomfortable. *huge sigh*
Finally, after me getting up and out of bed every 3o mintes makes him ask "what's wrong?"
It's freaking 12:30...I don't want to have a talk about what's wrong...I WANT to SLEEP. I say I have a headache or some BS and he goes back to sleep and after he leaves at 3AM, guess what happened?
I fell asleep just.like.that. I spread myself out across my bed and was knocked the eff out. I don't even think he was out of my building before I was content and comfortable.
Woke up at 6 for church on Sunday with this chick. I really enjoyed myself. It made me think about my life since I have been in NYC. I have gone to church a total of 3 times and that was in the first couple of months that I was in NYC...with T.I.M.
I was thinking that I would tell y'all how I felt and what changes I wanted to make in my life but.......whatever changes will be evident...IF I make any. lol Plus, I am not sure that I am ready or willing to give up some things that make up my life right now. I am not doing nearly as much as I could but....alot more than I should be.
We left the church after spotting what looked like a very very VERY hungover, tired and mad Dude. He looked at my little bit of cleavage, while standing face to face with him on the elevator. I know 'cause I saw him, eyes glancing down then shooting back up to make eye contact again...brotha man you ain't slick!...and just like the older gentleman sitting next to me who bent over and looked at my cleavage a total of 4 times as he told me his name and said he hoped to see me come back soon....ya hear. I must admit that I was showing way too much cleavage...but believe me...THAT shirt use to fit me well, ask this man (the first night I met him I had it on) I have since lost weight since I wore it last and now it sorta hangs on me...thus, over exposed cleaveage.
After church we headed to Earl's Afro for brunch. Was nice bud-da, I could have thought of a dozen other places to go... The Afro had a "special" Easter brunch.... yea whateva, just bring back the regular brunch menu please. The chick and I talked about....men. A little about work, her moving back to NYC, MY friendships, and her Beantown experience. Was a little chilly in the air and my fat little feet were sqeezing through my sandal slits so I couldn't walk back to the house for a leisurely walk...plus I was tired as hell from the lack of sleep due to The Itch the night before. The chick and I caught a car back to the spot...we said our goodbyes and she headed to the one-teens to see...family? I headed to bed.
I get in the house and decide I need to hook up the dvd player The Itch bought me....I call RJ and he comes over to harrass me about....nothing. We discuss relationships, rights & wrongs, what's fair & called for, music, and as usual...that's the extent of our conversation lol He's tired from his night out and I am sleepy because of my night in...so we drift for a minute until he get's his daily ass call and he has to leave.
Fast forward 3 hours, I get up and The Itch picks me up at 6 to head out to Rutherford for the Nets game... We are an hour and a half early so we stuff our faces with all types of sports arena food...and beer. He looks over at me with this look on his face..........and FINALLY get's it........
"I see why you have so many guy friends.....you act JUST like a guy. I've thought in the past that you have said some things, that I thought a guy would say...and alot of things that a lady wouldn't, but now I see it."
Huh?
"You eat tons of junk food like guys, you drink beer...out of the bottle, you burp and keep on talking, you play pool, you like going to sports games (I bought the tickets for the basketball game), and you talk major shit. Yet, your small, attractive and soft. I see NOW why you have so many male friends. Your one of the guys!"
Me: "oh that, yea.....duh! I've always been this way...THAT'S what you liked about me when you first met me. I don't mince words, I speak what's on my mind. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I'm a very loyal friend AND I like all the things that you like........ DUH!" (I don't tell him that a majority of my male friends tried to start off being more than just friends but it's like he's had an epiphany so I don't it because he is in a happy place that makes him feel like he understands, why should I discount his "insight"...lol)
The Itch: "Shut up and give me a kiss!"
I lean over and give him my forehead to kiss......"you get lip kisses when I wanna give them, not when you say. I'm the boss up in this piece yo!"
He laughs and says I am silly.We left early because it was a sloooooow game and we'd gotten there so early...seeemed like we were in the first half forever. He takes me home and then calls me when he gets home.
Now that we don't live together we have gone back to being like we were when we FIRST met. He's so sweet and nice and fun.......... yet, what he doesn't know....there are no get backs with Bloopty.... we're done! I'm just hanging around until I spot my next prey. I like him...ALOT alot alot.....but the side of him that he showed me when I lived with him....was very mean. He wasn't nice to me. He cared but.....he has tendecnies. Funny thing about it is when I go back to this story, I knew I wasn't suppose to be with him. Y'all TOLD me to let him go......... but what did I do........what-the-eff-ever.....y'all suppose to be my bogger buddies...stop shaking your head at me........
It's Monday and I am still sleepy...what the hell! At least I haven't been nauseated lately....but damn if I'm not sleepy as hell all the time.
I head to the Met's game tonight...meeting him there...I am taking the train. This should be...fun...44 degrees and I am grumpy when I am tired........we'll see.
That ladies and gentlemen is the extent of my weekend.
Last week, I moved and was getting settled. Even though I am not fully in like I want to be...I am in there babeeee.
Friday I sent someone an email ...all friendly like, and I know it was friendly because it pained me to HAVE to be nice to him. However, I know this person and knew if I said anything close to distasteful, that he would run with it. Well, I shoulda known it would be taken TOTALLY out of context, I ended up getting a response that was ignorant from and ignorant male. Sorta makes things clear about why they aren't around anymore!......I hate over-emotional men, don't you? (I could tell you stories about the number of times this man has cried) Didn't really mess up my mood because his response...it's typical, basic and not out of the ordinary. Friday night I was suppose to have a "date" but I'd rather hang out with friends. I was gonna get together with this chick, this dude and maybe ol' boy if he feels like being bothered. But ended up getting home and feeling tired and a headache came on. Which has been happening more and more lately. I think it's a tad bit of stress, a tad bit of the pollen in the air and a tad bit of me being a hypochondriac. I was in bed and asleep by 7 on Friday night.
Saturday I woke up at the ass crack of dawn...cleaned my little flat and made my check list of things to get since The Itch was coming by this morning to take me shopping for the day. Wanted to spend the tax refund money but seeing as The Itch is trying to atone for past sins...he paid for everything this weekend....a whopping total of $800 for junk for my flat. He wanted to do it...he needed to do it...so I let him.
After all I was following RJ's advice: "Men need to feel needed. They like to do things for you, so let them"
Hey, I don't say this shit...I just write it...lol
We got back in late ....he stayed until he had to go to work (he worked late)...truth be told, I didn't want him there but how do I tell someone that just spent $800 on MY place that I don't want him IN my place...lol I couldn't sleep, I was very uncomfortable. I had gotten a text from RJ letting me know he was at The Den (case I wanted to be where he was)...I wanted to go but....couldn't...so I am home, in bed and uncomfortable. *huge sigh*
Finally, after me getting up and out of bed every 3o mintes makes him ask "what's wrong?"
It's freaking 12:30...I don't want to have a talk about what's wrong...I WANT to SLEEP. I say I have a headache or some BS and he goes back to sleep and after he leaves at 3AM, guess what happened?
I fell asleep just.like.that. I spread myself out across my bed and was knocked the eff out. I don't even think he was out of my building before I was content and comfortable.
Woke up at 6 for church on Sunday with this chick. I really enjoyed myself. It made me think about my life since I have been in NYC. I have gone to church a total of 3 times and that was in the first couple of months that I was in NYC...with T.I.M.
I was thinking that I would tell y'all how I felt and what changes I wanted to make in my life but.......whatever changes will be evident...IF I make any. lol Plus, I am not sure that I am ready or willing to give up some things that make up my life right now. I am not doing nearly as much as I could but....alot more than I should be.
We left the church after spotting what looked like a very very VERY hungover, tired and mad Dude. He looked at my little bit of cleavage, while standing face to face with him on the elevator. I know 'cause I saw him, eyes glancing down then shooting back up to make eye contact again...brotha man you ain't slick!...and just like the older gentleman sitting next to me who bent over and looked at my cleavage a total of 4 times as he told me his name and said he hoped to see me come back soon....ya hear. I must admit that I was showing way too much cleavage...but believe me...THAT shirt use to fit me well, ask this man (the first night I met him I had it on) I have since lost weight since I wore it last and now it sorta hangs on me...thus, over exposed cleaveage.
After church we headed to Earl's Afro for brunch. Was nice bud-da, I could have thought of a dozen other places to go... The Afro had a "special" Easter brunch.... yea whateva, just bring back the regular brunch menu please. The chick and I talked about....men. A little about work, her moving back to NYC, MY friendships, and her Beantown experience. Was a little chilly in the air and my fat little feet were sqeezing through my sandal slits so I couldn't walk back to the house for a leisurely walk...plus I was tired as hell from the lack of sleep due to The Itch the night before. The chick and I caught a car back to the spot...we said our goodbyes and she headed to the one-teens to see...family? I headed to bed.
I get in the house and decide I need to hook up the dvd player The Itch bought me....I call RJ and he comes over to harrass me about....nothing. We discuss relationships, rights & wrongs, what's fair & called for, music, and as usual...that's the extent of our conversation lol He's tired from his night out and I am sleepy because of my night in...so we drift for a minute until he get's his daily ass call and he has to leave.
Fast forward 3 hours, I get up and The Itch picks me up at 6 to head out to Rutherford for the Nets game... We are an hour and a half early so we stuff our faces with all types of sports arena food...and beer. He looks over at me with this look on his face..........and FINALLY get's it........
"I see why you have so many guy friends.....you act JUST like a guy. I've thought in the past that you have said some things, that I thought a guy would say...and alot of things that a lady wouldn't, but now I see it."
Huh?
"You eat tons of junk food like guys, you drink beer...out of the bottle, you burp and keep on talking, you play pool, you like going to sports games (I bought the tickets for the basketball game), and you talk major shit. Yet, your small, attractive and soft. I see NOW why you have so many male friends. Your one of the guys!"
Me: "oh that, yea.....duh! I've always been this way...THAT'S what you liked about me when you first met me. I don't mince words, I speak what's on my mind. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I'm a very loyal friend AND I like all the things that you like........ DUH!" (I don't tell him that a majority of my male friends tried to start off being more than just friends but it's like he's had an epiphany so I don't it because he is in a happy place that makes him feel like he understands, why should I discount his "insight"...lol)
The Itch: "Shut up and give me a kiss!"
I lean over and give him my forehead to kiss......"you get lip kisses when I wanna give them, not when you say. I'm the boss up in this piece yo!"
He laughs and says I am silly.We left early because it was a sloooooow game and we'd gotten there so early...seeemed like we were in the first half forever. He takes me home and then calls me when he gets home.
Now that we don't live together we have gone back to being like we were when we FIRST met. He's so sweet and nice and fun.......... yet, what he doesn't know....there are no get backs with Bloopty.... we're done! I'm just hanging around until I spot my next prey. I like him...ALOT alot alot.....but the side of him that he showed me when I lived with him....was very mean. He wasn't nice to me. He cared but.....he has tendecnies. Funny thing about it is when I go back to this story, I knew I wasn't suppose to be with him. Y'all TOLD me to let him go......... but what did I do........what-the-eff-ever.....y'all suppose to be my bogger buddies...stop shaking your head at me........
It's Monday and I am still sleepy...what the hell! At least I haven't been nauseated lately....but damn if I'm not sleepy as hell all the time.
I head to the Met's game tonight...meeting him there...I am taking the train. This should be...fun...44 degrees and I am grumpy when I am tired........we'll see.
That ladies and gentlemen is the extent of my weekend.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Old School Match-Up
I can't even fake it
.......a young man just doens't turn me on.
Was talking to TN the other day and he said....Co-op is 44 and The Itch is 43?....da hell you running over there, a senior center?!....LOL Even Maryland is 41.
Now, I could give some long drawn out theorized reason on why I like older men...after all, I am a first year Psych major....drop-out. Like reasons of growing up with no brothers, no sisters and raised by my daddy and 4 uncles....but that diagnosis seems TOO easy...lol....sorta
Whatever the reason....I likes 'em older.
Youngun's tend to fumble too much...lol
At some point they expect an older woman to take care of them like their mothers. Welllllll...that last statement is totally made up. Since I don't date younger men....I have no idea what they do...LOL
Last year I...ummm, had a younger man....he was 24. College graduate making 6 figures. Got drunk at the Harlem Grill and that's then end of that story. He'd take me to eat, he'd take me to dinner......but I just felt like an old hag walking down the street with him. Just was damn awkward for me. Plus he was too fucking silly. Every now and then I get SIL-LEE, especially when I am tired...but this manchild was that way all the time....grow the fuck up dude!
I took a liking to him and he got attached because we were both from California....the same area. I was his connection to an area he knew. He hadn't built a friend base here yet so I became his fall-gal. There were so many other things that lead me to be around him more than I should have.
Like....
He had no friends
No family here
AND
his older brother came to visit one month.....the committed suicide the following month.
What the fuck was I suppose to do?
Sooo me being me...showing him around Harlem....taking him to the little "hip" and black bougie spots in and around Harlem ended up getting drunk one night...... I mean can't-walk-straight-in-3 inch-heels drunk. I mean can't-remember-walking-2-blocks-to-my-house-from-the-restaurant drunk.....I mean the clothes-off-and-titties-everywhere-then-remembering-I-have-no-condoms-in-the-house drunk. I mean the cussing-a-manchild-out-of-his-fucking-ass-because-HE-didn't-have-a-condom drunk.
We hung out for a while after that but then I got with The Itch and that stopped my communication. I worry about him sometimes...but I deleted his number from my phone as I have the very horrible habit of doing. Stopped answering his calls...not because I couldn't talk to him....just didn't want to at the time....my nose was wide muthafucken open at the time.
Haven't heard from him in a good 7 months......oh well....it's not like he was gonna be around long as reserve. Then again, maybe he needed me only for that time....he was very clingy....but then I can understand why. Because his issues were the only reason I even attempted to hang out with him. Not a pity pal......just a pal that turned into.....whateva.
Other than that...I don't generally get down with men younger than me.......although, there was that light skinned dude with the lite brown eyes that lived on 7th and 133. lol....now that I think of it......there have been some younguns.......still in their 30's but younger than me by 2 years..........daaaaaaamn!
I think I should re-write this post but............too fucking lazy and tonight is pool night so I am leaving.
Didn't play last week because I was headed to PR....but the 3 weeks before that I was the SHIZ-NIT. Beat they asses like...whhhhaaaaaat!!! 5 to zip, 7 to zip....6-3....man that practice comes in handy. Either way...ya'll gonna know this post was bullshit anyway...no need for me to try and cover it up with some specifics and re-canting...lol
and I am ......oooouuuuuuuuT
.......a young man just doens't turn me on.
Was talking to TN the other day and he said....Co-op is 44 and The Itch is 43?....da hell you running over there, a senior center?!....LOL Even Maryland is 41.
Now, I could give some long drawn out theorized reason on why I like older men...after all, I am a first year Psych major....drop-out. Like reasons of growing up with no brothers, no sisters and raised by my daddy and 4 uncles....but that diagnosis seems TOO easy...lol....sorta
Whatever the reason....I likes 'em older.
Youngun's tend to fumble too much...lol
At some point they expect an older woman to take care of them like their mothers. Welllllll...that last statement is totally made up. Since I don't date younger men....I have no idea what they do...LOL
Last year I...ummm, had a younger man....he was 24. College graduate making 6 figures. Got drunk at the Harlem Grill and that's then end of that story. He'd take me to eat, he'd take me to dinner......but I just felt like an old hag walking down the street with him. Just was damn awkward for me. Plus he was too fucking silly. Every now and then I get SIL-LEE, especially when I am tired...but this manchild was that way all the time....grow the fuck up dude!
I took a liking to him and he got attached because we were both from California....the same area. I was his connection to an area he knew. He hadn't built a friend base here yet so I became his fall-gal. There were so many other things that lead me to be around him more than I should have.
Like....
He had no friends
No family here
AND
his older brother came to visit one month.....the committed suicide the following month.
What the fuck was I suppose to do?
Sooo me being me...showing him around Harlem....taking him to the little "hip" and black bougie spots in and around Harlem ended up getting drunk one night...... I mean can't-walk-straight-in-3 inch-heels drunk. I mean can't-remember-walking-2-blocks-to-my-house-from-the-restaurant drunk.....I mean the clothes-off-and-titties-everywhere-then-remembering-I-have-no-condoms-in-the-house drunk. I mean the cussing-a-manchild-out-of-his-fucking-ass-because-HE-didn't-have-a-condom drunk.
We hung out for a while after that but then I got with The Itch and that stopped my communication. I worry about him sometimes...but I deleted his number from my phone as I have the very horrible habit of doing. Stopped answering his calls...not because I couldn't talk to him....just didn't want to at the time....my nose was wide muthafucken open at the time.
Haven't heard from him in a good 7 months......oh well....it's not like he was gonna be around long as reserve. Then again, maybe he needed me only for that time....he was very clingy....but then I can understand why. Because his issues were the only reason I even attempted to hang out with him. Not a pity pal......just a pal that turned into.....whateva.
Other than that...I don't generally get down with men younger than me.......although, there was that light skinned dude with the lite brown eyes that lived on 7th and 133. lol....now that I think of it......there have been some younguns.......still in their 30's but younger than me by 2 years..........daaaaaaamn!
I think I should re-write this post but............too fucking lazy and tonight is pool night so I am leaving.
Didn't play last week because I was headed to PR....but the 3 weeks before that I was the SHIZ-NIT. Beat they asses like...whhhhaaaaaat!!! 5 to zip, 7 to zip....6-3....man that practice comes in handy. Either way...ya'll gonna know this post was bullshit anyway...no need for me to try and cover it up with some specifics and re-canting...lol
and I am ......oooouuuuuuuuT
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
A Couple Of Call Outs Before I Go
...positive.
Yea, after this I am going positive and also discontinuing my "DipSet Stories". I am starting to see a growing trend in blogging.....I am not trying to get caught up in it because it's not worth the energy or the time. So, henceforth....I will, keep my immediate personal/relationship outta the blog limelight...DipSet (who I personally now refer to as The 8itch) will not be discussed. But don't be dismayed my dear blogging buddies....I have a plethra of past stories about "situations" that I am sure willl give you a few chuckles, rolling of the eyes, and "oh boys!"
1. I hate when people state the obvious. Example: As I am putting on my shoes, don't ask me if I am putting on my shoes. If I am standing at the elevator ...don't ask me if I am waiting for the damn elevator.
2. Don't question me UNLESS I have asked for your advice/opinion/input.
3. This is to the men: Be man enough to pick up the phone and say what's on your mind! (generally I hate when women say "be man enough" or "be a man" as if we had any clue as to what being a man is all about OR as if being a man is different from just being a basic human being with some courtesy...but today I am saying...be a man!)
4.Always have money if your doing the asking out (this applies to men AND WOMEN). You CAN NOT ask someone to the movies and then expect them to pay.
5. Just because my point of view isn't the same as yours DOES NOT mean that we can't be friends. Means that we are two fucking different individuals with two fucking different opinions. Agree to fucking disagree and grow the fuck up!
6. Don't change the rules in the middle of the game. Yes, I have done this.... but fa real...DON'T do that shit, it only confuses the other people involved. IF you see some things/feelings starting to change within yourself....communicate that before it gets to be full-blown and freaks the other person out.
7. Say what you muthafucken mean and mean what you muthafucken say! Point blank! If your word can not be trusted...how do you expect anyone to ever fully trust your actions.
8. I believe that a woman that can see/fuck/date a man that's already in a relationship...can not be trusted for friendship.
9. A man that can see/fuck/date a woman that's already in a relationship...lacks intergrity.
10. A person that cheats will more than likely do it again.
11. Stop acting holier than thou....you've taken a pen/pencil from work, meaning you've stolen from your company! Small in comparison to some shit but all the same....stop acting like your bitch ass has never done no wrong.
12. If I leave you because you cheated on me....don't be mad at me for not being able to deal with your indiscretions. Spreading lies and poisoning my name everytime my name comes out of your mouth. It is what it is...get over it and move the fuck on.
13. Just because you can admit you have faults....you can even list them out on a sheet of paper....doesn't mean SHIT! It's only when you take those faults and start to work on them one by one does your acknowledging them mean growth and awaremess. Yes, you've past the first level by being aware that you have them....don't be proud until you've made steps to turn them around.
14. Stop acting like people OWE you something in life. All I owe you is the general courtesy of not fucking taking your last breath from your body. Other than that...I am trying to fucking live this life just like you....let's walk this path in harmony!
15. Being positive does not mean not having any problems, or that life is wonderful all the time....it means being able to encourage someone when they are down and being able to give me an opinion/outlook that is going to help me instead of adding more weight to my back. I understand that sometimes we go through some things that seem like we're the only ones who have ever gone through it....or our problems start to blind us to others issues....or we feel like we have nothing else to give of ourselves....but positive can also mean keeping your mouth shut at the right time.
16.Stop reading too much into a statement or situation. Let shit flow and roll with it. Too much pressure to a brand new thing is gonna take all the sparkle away from the brand new-ness of now. And don't fucking act like you don't know what the fuck I mean.
17. To women: STOP being so fucking competitive...there are enough of them out there for all of us...and even if your greedy....theres 4 and 5 of 'em....believe me I KNOW!!! So tired of women talking about there are no good men out there........every man that I have had the misfortune to meet has been a good man....starting from my daddy on down to the bullshit I lay next to every night. Half of you aren't even up to your full potential to be talking that shit. Coming to the table with no shit to offer but your pussy and think that men are suppose to give you everything JUST BECAUSE....women like that are a dime a dozen... be different. Just be sure YOU dot all your "I's" and cross all YOUR "T's". ANd be the fuck still...meaning be patient and realize you don't have to chase every dick out there.
18. To men: I wish some of you had daughters, living grandmothers and loving mothers to know...that you don't need to treat women they way some of you do. I wish you had what was needed for you to give birth and then see, that which you labored for...brought life into...felt grow inside of you... being abused by something so faulible and simple...as SIMPLE as man. Your gonna run across a woman that's gonna flip a Celie on you..."Till you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna' fail." Be easy...and do right.
19. Know your limitations.
20. Acknowledge that there is something bigger, greater than you and that you do not run shit. Your not here by choice, your here for a reason... Don't let your life be an example of those things that aren't true aren't real.
I have more things to rant about but the reason I listed these things is because in the last week I have ran across someone or some situation that has brought these to the forefront of my pisstivity and irritation. YES! Of course I am guilty, at one time or another, of some of the things listed.
What's ugly: My forehead is peeling....got sunBURNED in Puerto Rico.
Yea, after this I am going positive and also discontinuing my "DipSet Stories". I am starting to see a growing trend in blogging.....I am not trying to get caught up in it because it's not worth the energy or the time. So, henceforth....I will, keep my immediate personal/relationship outta the blog limelight...DipSet (who I personally now refer to as The 8itch) will not be discussed. But don't be dismayed my dear blogging buddies....I have a plethra of past stories about "situations" that I am sure willl give you a few chuckles, rolling of the eyes, and "oh boys!"
1. I hate when people state the obvious. Example: As I am putting on my shoes, don't ask me if I am putting on my shoes. If I am standing at the elevator ...don't ask me if I am waiting for the damn elevator.
2. Don't question me UNLESS I have asked for your advice/opinion/input.
3. This is to the men: Be man enough to pick up the phone and say what's on your mind! (generally I hate when women say "be man enough" or "be a man" as if we had any clue as to what being a man is all about OR as if being a man is different from just being a basic human being with some courtesy...but today I am saying...be a man!)
4.Always have money if your doing the asking out (this applies to men AND WOMEN). You CAN NOT ask someone to the movies and then expect them to pay.
5. Just because my point of view isn't the same as yours DOES NOT mean that we can't be friends. Means that we are two fucking different individuals with two fucking different opinions. Agree to fucking disagree and grow the fuck up!
6. Don't change the rules in the middle of the game. Yes, I have done this.... but fa real...DON'T do that shit, it only confuses the other people involved. IF you see some things/feelings starting to change within yourself....communicate that before it gets to be full-blown and freaks the other person out.
7. Say what you muthafucken mean and mean what you muthafucken say! Point blank! If your word can not be trusted...how do you expect anyone to ever fully trust your actions.
8. I believe that a woman that can see/fuck/date a man that's already in a relationship...can not be trusted for friendship.
9. A man that can see/fuck/date a woman that's already in a relationship...lacks intergrity.
10. A person that cheats will more than likely do it again.
11. Stop acting holier than thou....you've taken a pen/pencil from work, meaning you've stolen from your company! Small in comparison to some shit but all the same....stop acting like your bitch ass has never done no wrong.
12. If I leave you because you cheated on me....don't be mad at me for not being able to deal with your indiscretions. Spreading lies and poisoning my name everytime my name comes out of your mouth. It is what it is...get over it and move the fuck on.
13. Just because you can admit you have faults....you can even list them out on a sheet of paper....doesn't mean SHIT! It's only when you take those faults and start to work on them one by one does your acknowledging them mean growth and awaremess. Yes, you've past the first level by being aware that you have them....don't be proud until you've made steps to turn them around.
14. Stop acting like people OWE you something in life. All I owe you is the general courtesy of not fucking taking your last breath from your body. Other than that...I am trying to fucking live this life just like you....let's walk this path in harmony!
15. Being positive does not mean not having any problems, or that life is wonderful all the time....it means being able to encourage someone when they are down and being able to give me an opinion/outlook that is going to help me instead of adding more weight to my back. I understand that sometimes we go through some things that seem like we're the only ones who have ever gone through it....or our problems start to blind us to others issues....or we feel like we have nothing else to give of ourselves....but positive can also mean keeping your mouth shut at the right time.
16.Stop reading too much into a statement or situation. Let shit flow and roll with it. Too much pressure to a brand new thing is gonna take all the sparkle away from the brand new-ness of now. And don't fucking act like you don't know what the fuck I mean.
17. To women: STOP being so fucking competitive...there are enough of them out there for all of us...and even if your greedy....theres 4 and 5 of 'em....believe me I KNOW!!! So tired of women talking about there are no good men out there........every man that I have had the misfortune to meet has been a good man....starting from my daddy on down to the bullshit I lay next to every night. Half of you aren't even up to your full potential to be talking that shit. Coming to the table with no shit to offer but your pussy and think that men are suppose to give you everything JUST BECAUSE....women like that are a dime a dozen... be different. Just be sure YOU dot all your "I's" and cross all YOUR "T's". ANd be the fuck still...meaning be patient and realize you don't have to chase every dick out there.
18. To men: I wish some of you had daughters, living grandmothers and loving mothers to know...that you don't need to treat women they way some of you do. I wish you had what was needed for you to give birth and then see, that which you labored for...brought life into...felt grow inside of you... being abused by something so faulible and simple...as SIMPLE as man. Your gonna run across a woman that's gonna flip a Celie on you..."Till you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna' fail." Be easy...and do right.
19. Know your limitations.
20. Acknowledge that there is something bigger, greater than you and that you do not run shit. Your not here by choice, your here for a reason... Don't let your life be an example of those things that aren't true aren't real.
I have more things to rant about but the reason I listed these things is because in the last week I have ran across someone or some situation that has brought these to the forefront of my pisstivity and irritation. YES! Of course I am guilty, at one time or another, of some of the things listed.
What's ugly: My forehead is peeling....got sunBURNED in Puerto Rico.
