Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Random Shit XXV
A couple of things you don't know about Bloopty
1. I watch porn at work on my laptop.
2. Men with a tiny waist and a fat ass looks real nasty to me.
3. I put Downey softner sheets inbetween my folded towels and sheets.
4. When I was 17 I was kidnapped for 2 days and held in a house in west Oa.kl.and.
5. I don't like roses.
6. I have recently went from a C cup to a D cup.
7. A man put a gun to my head because I wouldn't have sex with him.
8. I hate to talk on the phone.
9. I went to 7 elementary schools.
10. 3 different junior highs.
11. Only 5 high schools.
12. I color my hair.
13. I love scary movies...suspense movies too.
14. I rely heavily on my fading looks to get me by in life.
15. I see the same trait in my son.
16. I dreamt my two grandmothers death the night before they died.
17. I dreamt my grandfathers death.
18. I dreamt my uncles death a week before he died.
19. I have hereditary migraines.
20. I've had a headache every day of my life for the past 20 years.
21. My oldest son has bad headaches often.
22. Doctors aren't sure if it's because of his diabetes or if he's inherited it from me.
23. I am contradicatory in my thinking.
24. My awe of men and
25. Having little respect for men.
26.I truely never wished for a mother.
27. My father is all I've ever wanted or needed.
28. The older I get the more I find my own company the best company.
29. I am too quick to walk away.
30. I am generally happy most days.
31. I have not had a hard life at all.
32. Some would say that I have been spoiled all my life...and still.
33. I am very decisive when it comes to exiting a relationship.
A. I fall in love quickly.
B. I fall out of love quickly.
C. I get bored easily.
D. I wear silver and platinum.
E. I would not wear a fur.
F. I would not spend more than $300 on a pair of shoes (even though I have)
D. I want a Passat.
E. I see attractive men walking down the street and want to walk up to them, grab their ass and kiss them silly.
G. Not all of them are attractive but they have some sort of sexy to them.
H. I never do it.
I. I've never done it.
J. I might one day.
K. Doubt it.
100. Don't ask me anything unless you ready for a real answer.
99. I think one of my male friends is an ex gang member.
98. I've never dated a thug.
97. Fast talking bullshitters intimidate me.
96. Slang irritates me.
95. Baggy pants confuse me.
94. I have a bad habit of not listening.
93. I tend to tune people out when their conversation is boring.
92. Regardless if I asked them the question or not.
91. I don't like people that like to hear themselves talk and try to pass it off as them being "intellectual".
90. I look good in red but purple is my favorite color.
91. I don't care for J.ames Br.own.
92. I'd rather listen to Jam.es Ta.ylor.
93. I've cut someone.
94. I've been to jail.
95. After I left my husband, I have never been faithful in a relationship.
96. I loved one man since I have left my husband.
97. He was my breath.
98. Apparently, I'd find out, I was his air.
L. His name was Bryan.
M. The night I "broke up" with him, he hurt me.
N. The police took pictures of my ass cheeks and the insides of my thighs.
O. I am IMing right now
P. I.wanna.fuck.right.now.
Q. I have 5 entries in my cell phone with "Will".
R. I distinguish them apart by what city or state they live in.
(William must have been a popular name between 1967-1973)
1. I watch porn at work on my laptop.
2. Men with a tiny waist and a fat ass looks real nasty to me.
3. I put Downey softner sheets inbetween my folded towels and sheets.
4. When I was 17 I was kidnapped for 2 days and held in a house in west Oa.kl.and.
5. I don't like roses.
6. I have recently went from a C cup to a D cup.
7. A man put a gun to my head because I wouldn't have sex with him.
8. I hate to talk on the phone.
9. I went to 7 elementary schools.
10. 3 different junior highs.
11. Only 5 high schools.
12. I color my hair.
13. I love scary movies...suspense movies too.
14. I rely heavily on my fading looks to get me by in life.
15. I see the same trait in my son.
16. I dreamt my two grandmothers death the night before they died.
17. I dreamt my grandfathers death.
18. I dreamt my uncles death a week before he died.
19. I have hereditary migraines.
20. I've had a headache every day of my life for the past 20 years.
21. My oldest son has bad headaches often.
22. Doctors aren't sure if it's because of his diabetes or if he's inherited it from me.
23. I am contradicatory in my thinking.
24. My awe of men and
25. Having little respect for men.
26.I truely never wished for a mother.
27. My father is all I've ever wanted or needed.
28. The older I get the more I find my own company the best company.
29. I am too quick to walk away.
30. I am generally happy most days.
31. I have not had a hard life at all.
32. Some would say that I have been spoiled all my life...and still.
33. I am very decisive when it comes to exiting a relationship.
A. I fall in love quickly.
B. I fall out of love quickly.
C. I get bored easily.
D. I wear silver and platinum.
E. I would not wear a fur.
F. I would not spend more than $300 on a pair of shoes (even though I have)
D. I want a Passat.
E. I see attractive men walking down the street and want to walk up to them, grab their ass and kiss them silly.
G. Not all of them are attractive but they have some sort of sexy to them.
H. I never do it.
I. I've never done it.
J. I might one day.
K. Doubt it.
100. Don't ask me anything unless you ready for a real answer.
99. I think one of my male friends is an ex gang member.
98. I've never dated a thug.
97. Fast talking bullshitters intimidate me.
96. Slang irritates me.
95. Baggy pants confuse me.
94. I have a bad habit of not listening.
93. I tend to tune people out when their conversation is boring.
92. Regardless if I asked them the question or not.
91. I don't like people that like to hear themselves talk and try to pass it off as them being "intellectual".
90. I look good in red but purple is my favorite color.
91. I don't care for J.ames Br.own.
92. I'd rather listen to Jam.es Ta.ylor.
93. I've cut someone.
94. I've been to jail.
95. After I left my husband, I have never been faithful in a relationship.
96. I loved one man since I have left my husband.
97. He was my breath.
98. Apparently, I'd find out, I was his air.
L. His name was Bryan.
M. The night I "broke up" with him, he hurt me.
N. The police took pictures of my ass cheeks and the insides of my thighs.
O. I am IMing right now
P. I.wanna.fuck.right.now.
Q. I have 5 entries in my cell phone with "Will".
R. I distinguish them apart by what city or state they live in.
(William must have been a popular name between 1967-1973)
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Random She-ite Part IIV
Today is one of those days that I could lay in bed all day and watch tv…in between episodes of sleep.
Either that or…get out and got to the movies…which is more along the lines of what I want to do for the simple fact that if I stay home…I’ll be forced to clean my place.
Yea, I’d rather spend my Saturday inside of the movie house…jumping from movie to movie.
I want to be in love.
There I said it. Yes, I know…I’ve heard it all this week. Bloopty/BlahBlahBlah has gone all sensitive and shit. SO WHAT! Everybody does at some point or another. Yet, I have a reason…it’s about that time. Sidenote: Which sucks because I am leaving for Cal on Thursday and I have prime opportunity to re-examine some Cal dick! Now I can’t.
I was thinking about posting about these blogger boyfriends/girlfriends “relationships”. Not necessarily just the ones that are obvious…but also about the ones that aren’t obvious. I am talking about censoring your writing...so as not to "hurt" anyones feelings. Being "dedicated" to a piece of ass you haven't held, haven't kissed, haven't held hands with...and probably never will... I was gonna write about how on the internet we are all SUPERSTARS. We are who we wanna be on the net. Yea, I was gonna write a post about it...but “they” didn't want me stirring up the pot. I really shouldn’t care…since none of those bastards are checking for me…but I am amiable…I know how to go with the flow…stay within the status quo. I won’t mention how some people get hit offline like crazy by “lurkers” asking about SCH’s, or how some have women hoping that your as intelligent, cute, asshole-ish, caring as they think you are from the Eastcoast to the Westcoast. I won’t mention that her blog was filled with nasty and freaky and things that spark interest but since her man reads her now…she can’t help but now talk about other peoples shit rather than her own. Or how broads are stalking these dudes calling them internet crushes. I was told stirring the pot is what Blah does…but Bloopty knows to just sit back, keep her mouth shut and laugh at the internet “love” going on around her.
I didn’t eat yesterday…all day. So I woke up this morning starving…literally…lol I crawled out of bed feeling like I was gonna pass out. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to eat and seeing as how I felt like I could cook everything in my kitchen AND STILL be hungry, I ended up making salmon cakes, grits, a veggie omelette, and having 2 cups of coffee. No wonder my flass is spreading and my belly is getting so big I can’t see my cooch… *huge sigh* I’ll have to go lay down before I get out the house… *whew*
He’s begging….leaving messages and saying he cares. I see I am going to give in. Why? Because ….well….just because. Being single is nice….but there is a part of me that thinks being single is very ugly…lol Like it’s ugly on a day like today when I woke up horny with no money in my wallet. Shiiiiit, having no man is expensive as hell. Finding myself spending like crazy and then realize…I ain’t got a reserve bank anymore. Either way…I wanted to be fucked this morning…then I wanted to go shopping this afternoon, neither of which will happen today. Yea, this being single stuff is some ol’ bullshit.
The Event has called me every weekend for the past two months…I have yet to hang out with her. To use the great Leon’s words… Bitch is finer than a mutherfucker! I have been asking myself…why does this chick wanna connect soo bad. I keep thinking it’s because of her not being from here and reaching out to another person that’s not from NYC. Yet, the way our last “outing” turned out…she knows that I don’t get down with the … eating of the pudding pie. Then again, I am pretty sexually aware…and I don’t have that many restrictions in the bedroom…would I be up for her maintaining my sunshine until I found a man? Hmmmmm?.........hell no. I can’t even imagine how that scene even plays out…shit, how it even starts. I mean…what happens? I go over her house…she fills my belly on some pasta and wine…we sit and watch tv, she starts to massage my shoulders, leans down and kisses me lightly on the neck and then all the sudden she has my skirt pushed up around my waist and my panties between her teeth as she snakes her tongue out to ….. Yea, I can’t even picture how that would play out…LOL
Y’all woman ever have a friend who you know in your heart of hearts is gay. Deep down for real gay…but keeps tryna fuck you? Not lay up with you…not cuddle you…but true intercourse. I have had this friend for about 6 years now. I swear fa gawd…this man is gay. Yet, he has tried to eat it, fuck it, suck it…everything. I made this man get a room up in Tahoe one year…was just thinking about what he was bringing to the table … thought that maybe I could make this happen. Came to night of and I was in the bathroom tryna psych myself up about giving him some ass. I. just.couldn’t.do.it. I felt like shit because my ass knew before I even go there that I wasn’t gonna do it. But really…..in the back of my mind I thought I was some hard ass chick to be like…CHICK, YOU CAN DO THIS! Ha!! Didn’t happen but we are still friends. He works for a major hotel so I always use his friends and family discount when I go out of town… so I benefited in the end. ‘Cause had we did it…I would have inevitably fucked it up and we wouldn’t be speaking to eachother now. “Cause as much as I like to talk about sex…I ain’t a good lay AT ALL. I just let him crawl on top and do his bidness with nary a peep from me.
I could go on and on but I am starting to get the “itis” from all the breakfast food. SO I will end it with this ….
Don’t forget why you’re here, don’t forget why you came, stay focused and let no one deter you from your goal.
…..and I ammmmm
OUT!
Either that or…get out and got to the movies…which is more along the lines of what I want to do for the simple fact that if I stay home…I’ll be forced to clean my place.
Yea, I’d rather spend my Saturday inside of the movie house…jumping from movie to movie.
I want to be in love.
There I said it. Yes, I know…I’ve heard it all this week. Bloopty/BlahBlahBlah has gone all sensitive and shit. SO WHAT! Everybody does at some point or another. Yet, I have a reason…it’s about that time. Sidenote: Which sucks because I am leaving for Cal on Thursday and I have prime opportunity to re-examine some Cal dick! Now I can’t.
I was thinking about posting about these blogger boyfriends/girlfriends “relationships”. Not necessarily just the ones that are obvious…but also about the ones that aren’t obvious. I am talking about censoring your writing...so as not to "hurt" anyones feelings. Being "dedicated" to a piece of ass you haven't held, haven't kissed, haven't held hands with...and probably never will... I was gonna write about how on the internet we are all SUPERSTARS. We are who we wanna be on the net. Yea, I was gonna write a post about it...but “they” didn't want me stirring up the pot. I really shouldn’t care…since none of those bastards are checking for me…but I am amiable…I know how to go with the flow…stay within the status quo. I won’t mention how some people get hit offline like crazy by “lurkers” asking about SCH’s, or how some have women hoping that your as intelligent, cute, asshole-ish, caring as they think you are from the Eastcoast to the Westcoast. I won’t mention that her blog was filled with nasty and freaky and things that spark interest but since her man reads her now…she can’t help but now talk about other peoples shit rather than her own. Or how broads are stalking these dudes calling them internet crushes. I was told stirring the pot is what Blah does…but Bloopty knows to just sit back, keep her mouth shut and laugh at the internet “love” going on around her.
I didn’t eat yesterday…all day. So I woke up this morning starving…literally…lol I crawled out of bed feeling like I was gonna pass out. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to eat and seeing as how I felt like I could cook everything in my kitchen AND STILL be hungry, I ended up making salmon cakes, grits, a veggie omelette, and having 2 cups of coffee. No wonder my flass is spreading and my belly is getting so big I can’t see my cooch… *huge sigh* I’ll have to go lay down before I get out the house… *whew*
He’s begging….leaving messages and saying he cares. I see I am going to give in. Why? Because ….well….just because. Being single is nice….but there is a part of me that thinks being single is very ugly…lol Like it’s ugly on a day like today when I woke up horny with no money in my wallet. Shiiiiit, having no man is expensive as hell. Finding myself spending like crazy and then realize…I ain’t got a reserve bank anymore. Either way…I wanted to be fucked this morning…then I wanted to go shopping this afternoon, neither of which will happen today. Yea, this being single stuff is some ol’ bullshit.
The Event has called me every weekend for the past two months…I have yet to hang out with her. To use the great Leon’s words… Bitch is finer than a mutherfucker! I have been asking myself…why does this chick wanna connect soo bad. I keep thinking it’s because of her not being from here and reaching out to another person that’s not from NYC. Yet, the way our last “outing” turned out…she knows that I don’t get down with the … eating of the pudding pie. Then again, I am pretty sexually aware…and I don’t have that many restrictions in the bedroom…would I be up for her maintaining my sunshine until I found a man? Hmmmmm?.........hell no. I can’t even imagine how that scene even plays out…shit, how it even starts. I mean…what happens? I go over her house…she fills my belly on some pasta and wine…we sit and watch tv, she starts to massage my shoulders, leans down and kisses me lightly on the neck and then all the sudden she has my skirt pushed up around my waist and my panties between her teeth as she snakes her tongue out to ….. Yea, I can’t even picture how that would play out…LOL
Y’all woman ever have a friend who you know in your heart of hearts is gay. Deep down for real gay…but keeps tryna fuck you? Not lay up with you…not cuddle you…but true intercourse. I have had this friend for about 6 years now. I swear fa gawd…this man is gay. Yet, he has tried to eat it, fuck it, suck it…everything. I made this man get a room up in Tahoe one year…was just thinking about what he was bringing to the table … thought that maybe I could make this happen. Came to night of and I was in the bathroom tryna psych myself up about giving him some ass. I. just.couldn’t.do.it. I felt like shit because my ass knew before I even go there that I wasn’t gonna do it. But really…..in the back of my mind I thought I was some hard ass chick to be like…CHICK, YOU CAN DO THIS! Ha!! Didn’t happen but we are still friends. He works for a major hotel so I always use his friends and family discount when I go out of town… so I benefited in the end. ‘Cause had we did it…I would have inevitably fucked it up and we wouldn’t be speaking to eachother now. “Cause as much as I like to talk about sex…I ain’t a good lay AT ALL. I just let him crawl on top and do his bidness with nary a peep from me.
I could go on and on but I am starting to get the “itis” from all the breakfast food. SO I will end it with this ….
Don’t forget why you’re here, don’t forget why you came, stay focused and let no one deter you from your goal.
…..and I ammmmm
OUT!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Words That Change Your Outlook
February 16, 1996
Dearest Bloopty,
A poet once said, "Blessed is the man whose first born is a daughter." I read that before you were born and since then have understood what the blessing means.
You are the best daughter and friend a father could ever have. You've made me laugh and cry, sing and dance and you have made me want to excel so that you would be proud of me.
And so it has always been an added blessing to me that you have grown beautiful and strong and intelligent. I have been proud to be proud of you.
I have tried to put the best parts of my heart and soul into you so that on special days like this one we could both look back and be glad.
Happy birthday, my lovely daughter. I pray God's continued blessings, mercy and grace upon you and your household.
You have my love always
Dad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was going thru some old pictures and cards while cleaning and shredding my little corner "office area", I ran across this and ...cried.
It has nothing to do with how I look, what people think of me or where I come from... I am confident in myself because... not to be... would be an insult to my dad.
I love my daddy more than words could possibly convey.
The more I have been thinking...the more that I need to move back to California. My boys and my father need me... and I need them.
Dearest Bloopty,
A poet once said, "Blessed is the man whose first born is a daughter." I read that before you were born and since then have understood what the blessing means.
You are the best daughter and friend a father could ever have. You've made me laugh and cry, sing and dance and you have made me want to excel so that you would be proud of me.
And so it has always been an added blessing to me that you have grown beautiful and strong and intelligent. I have been proud to be proud of you.
I have tried to put the best parts of my heart and soul into you so that on special days like this one we could both look back and be glad.
Happy birthday, my lovely daughter. I pray God's continued blessings, mercy and grace upon you and your household.
You have my love always
Dad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was going thru some old pictures and cards while cleaning and shredding my little corner "office area", I ran across this and ...cried.
It has nothing to do with how I look, what people think of me or where I come from... I am confident in myself because... not to be... would be an insult to my dad.
I love my daddy more than words could possibly convey.
The more I have been thinking...the more that I need to move back to California. My boys and my father need me... and I need them.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Looking Thru My Calendar...
...I haven't scheduled a single date for this weekend!! How da fuck did that happen? I am gonna be bored as hell...with the exception of Will's birthday party on Sat night.
*huge long audible sigh*
Methinks, I need to remedy this tragedy.
*huge long audible sigh*
Methinks, I need to remedy this tragedy.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
As I sit here and eat my avacado/sprouts/tomatoes/cucumbers/swiss cheese on whole wheat ... I am thinking..........da hell am I eating this nutritious shit for?! LOL Actually I eat good at lunch...it's these damn dinner dates that fuck me up.
I just got to work at 12 and I was gonna leave at 2 but I have nothing to do but spend money or go home and lay in bed as I listen to the rain drop on the leaves outside my window....
Which in itself is romantic but even more so if I could go back to this morning and wake up to who I slept with last night....
I called in late to work because....well....because I could. We laid in bed and joked and played around.....I had all my windows open...so we could here the rain and let the cool breeze in to my.....steamy apartment. Our playing lead to other things ...things I write about but haven't done in a while.
We made some childish pact, that we wouldn't see eachother for a week and a half... I doubt that will hold. After all, we have spent 6 of the past 10 nights together. Just sleeping and cuddling....I was surprised he let me take the lead on who would make the first move.
We showed eachother our "negative" papers last night. I felt relieved to know that he had his papers. We sort of looked over them and made the necessary check off...then handed them back to eachother and sorta giggled.
"I like you Bloopty"
"I like you too Jersey"
The night was made for lovers. We took a walk and held hands... I told him how I was really feeling unsure about what we were doing. He invited me to go to Vegas with him...I sorta stumbled... I'd like to go but...I am not where he is...but I am somewhere in the vicinity...
His lips fit mine. No. Again. His lips fit mine. I've never been one for kissing but the older I get...the more I feel intimate and connect from a slow long drawn out kiss. The kind of kiss that leaves my lips moist and swollen. He's not quite where I need him to be for me to let loose. Yet, at the rate he's going by doing thooooose things that he does...... *whew* He'll be there.
...and then where will I be? Aw, this feels good for the moment... I hate to think of where this goes and when it ends...but to be fair, he's into this more than I am into this. Sucks.
We don't have any type of commitment. I don't want one. He knows I am dating. He knows I have friends... Whether that bothers him.... I am sure I will find out. He ask me questions and I freely give him the answers...I have nothing to hide.
I am heading home.
I just got to work at 12 and I was gonna leave at 2 but I have nothing to do but spend money or go home and lay in bed as I listen to the rain drop on the leaves outside my window....
Which in itself is romantic but even more so if I could go back to this morning and wake up to who I slept with last night....
I called in late to work because....well....because I could. We laid in bed and joked and played around.....I had all my windows open...so we could here the rain and let the cool breeze in to my.....steamy apartment. Our playing lead to other things ...things I write about but haven't done in a while.
We made some childish pact, that we wouldn't see eachother for a week and a half... I doubt that will hold. After all, we have spent 6 of the past 10 nights together. Just sleeping and cuddling....I was surprised he let me take the lead on who would make the first move.
We showed eachother our "negative" papers last night. I felt relieved to know that he had his papers. We sort of looked over them and made the necessary check off...then handed them back to eachother and sorta giggled.
"I like you Bloopty"
"I like you too Jersey"
The night was made for lovers. We took a walk and held hands... I told him how I was really feeling unsure about what we were doing. He invited me to go to Vegas with him...I sorta stumbled... I'd like to go but...I am not where he is...but I am somewhere in the vicinity...
His lips fit mine. No. Again. His lips fit mine. I've never been one for kissing but the older I get...the more I feel intimate and connect from a slow long drawn out kiss. The kind of kiss that leaves my lips moist and swollen. He's not quite where I need him to be for me to let loose. Yet, at the rate he's going by doing thooooose things that he does...... *whew* He'll be there.
...and then where will I be? Aw, this feels good for the moment... I hate to think of where this goes and when it ends...but to be fair, he's into this more than I am into this. Sucks.
We don't have any type of commitment. I don't want one. He knows I am dating. He knows I have friends... Whether that bothers him.... I am sure I will find out. He ask me questions and I freely give him the answers...I have nothing to hide.
I am heading home.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Is It That Hard?
One more song about moving along the highway/Can't say much of anything that's new/If I could only work this life out my way/I'd rather spend it being close to you/But you're so far away/Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore/It would be so fine to see your face at my door/Doesn't help to know you're so far away/Yeah, you're so far away
~Carol King
On one of my 4 dates this weekend, I was sitting across from him wondering...
what the fuck am I doing?
I am literally spending time with someone just because: 1. I was hungry 2. I was bored.
There are 2 people I soo want to spend time with and I can't. One lives in another state and the other was at work. So...idle hands...
We actually were having a very pleasant brunch when he asked one of the no-no's of dating...
"Where do you see this going?"
"Ya know, I hadn't really thought too much about where this was going because I haven't known you long enough to know whether I want this going anywhere."
He didn't like my answer. Matter of fact, I think it was a hypothetical question and I jumped the gun by answering.
*shrug* Oh well.
"Well Bloopty baby, I am really diggin you and your so not like NY women. It's refreshing. Your open and your a little silly but in a grown sexy woman way. I am not ashamed to say, I want to see you again. I want to see alot of you. I am not a dating type of man. I am a relationship type of man. So, if your not ready to try and establish a realtionship with me, then I am telling you now....I am going to date other people because I am looking for a commitment...................?"
You all know that I think I am the shit, right? Yet, I know that my shit is not that sweet smelling for him to flip a relationship speech on me! Well it is....but not the 2nd date into the game!
So, after his lil...shpeel...I was sorta trigger shy on whether I should answer this question....was it a question? I mean he just sorta left it hanging... Am I supposed to pick it up?
"Well babe, your free to date whoever you want and should you have time in there for me...then great, if not...then that is fine too."
The look he had on his face.....I knew he wanted to shove my face into my plate. Eh...whatddayagoin'do? I answered in the best possible way to get the point across in the best possible way for him not to misunderstand.
He then sits there in silence munching on his food with this ...thoughtful look on his face. Yea, I could see him thinking and from where I sat...it looked like he was argueing with himself.
"So what your telling me is that I am not your type and that this is the last time I am going to see you?"
"Where in the hell did you get that conclusion? Did you not understand what the fuck I just said?"
You see y'all...unless we have a playful friendship between us...I don't cuss at a man. Yet, by this point I wanted to drop the subject of whether I wanted him for my fucking husband.
THIS DATING GAME IS NOT BRAND NEW TO US!!!!!
Why am I having this conversation with a 40 year old man. Dude, you've been dating longer than I have...you know you have committed dating suicide...why are you pushing the point of "commitment"?
I have effectively turned him off, made him mad....but I ate good y'all.
"Bloopty, if you were having a bad date....what would you do to end the date?"
Umm, is he really asking me for a good exit-line to use ON MYSELF?
"I am not much into using pre-contrived lines to get out of something....I am (unfortunately) pretty upfront about what I want and don't want. So, I'd tell "the person" that I was ready to go home."
Dating has always been fun to me... I like variety. I like meeting different people and having "different" conversations. You know when your with the same person...you tend to talk about all the same stuff. No real brain energy needed to talk about how your day was, how was work, the gossip amongest your mutual friends, what's going on in the news. There's no simple nuances of flirting because you have no reason to flirt with the one you've already got. It's like you run out of creativity...drive to come across as sexy. That "fire" that made up your witty come-backs, the sexy talk that has sexual undertones...remember when you were considered funny and not annoying? That's why being single for me is cool. Right up my alley.
I know when your in a relationship or married you re-invent your realtionship and true, it's something different...but it's not sexy anymore...it's every day...it's typical...it's what becomes expected. No real surprises and no real earth-shattering moments of extreme LIKE. I can hear the married people rumbling and in discontent....but I was married for 9 years...I've been in 2 long term realtinships... I know what I am speaking about........for me. Unless you have something brand new come into the marriage...like kids...your just livin'. Kids will shake shit up and make your otherwise boring and dull marriage into daily hilarity...yet, what if you don't want kids? I know this is extreme...but I'm just sayin'
I'm looking at this guy and I am hoping.....I don't want to be desperate at 40...wondering if I am still beautiful to men. Trying to bogart them into a relationship after the 2nd date. I hope that I age gracefully, I hope I still have my little bit of spunk to me, I hope that I am sexily sassy, I hope that my conversation then is as it is now...a little clever, a little witty and a whole lotta enticing. As for me getting married again...marriage will be out of necessity rather than some ground-breaking revelation of love. Security in my old age is what I want but...if I end up being alone and living with 50 cats...I think I may just be ok.
He drove me home...on the way, we stopped at the farmer's market and I bought some fruit. Before I got out of the truck, I thanked him for brunch and told him to have a nice day. As I turned to walk away, he asked me if we were going to speak again....I looked over my shoulder with a sassy smile and said....
"Only if you call me."
Then I went in the house and decided I should rest before the next one began....he didn't enter my thoughts for the rest of the weekend.
...until he called me last night...while on date #4. I didn't answer. I felt no need to answer. He irritated me.
~Carol King
On one of my 4 dates this weekend, I was sitting across from him wondering...
what the fuck am I doing?
I am literally spending time with someone just because: 1. I was hungry 2. I was bored.
There are 2 people I soo want to spend time with and I can't. One lives in another state and the other was at work. So...idle hands...
We actually were having a very pleasant brunch when he asked one of the no-no's of dating...
"Where do you see this going?"
"Ya know, I hadn't really thought too much about where this was going because I haven't known you long enough to know whether I want this going anywhere."
He didn't like my answer. Matter of fact, I think it was a hypothetical question and I jumped the gun by answering.
*shrug* Oh well.
"Well Bloopty baby, I am really diggin you and your so not like NY women. It's refreshing. Your open and your a little silly but in a grown sexy woman way. I am not ashamed to say, I want to see you again. I want to see alot of you. I am not a dating type of man. I am a relationship type of man. So, if your not ready to try and establish a realtionship with me, then I am telling you now....I am going to date other people because I am looking for a commitment...................?"
You all know that I think I am the shit, right? Yet, I know that my shit is not that sweet smelling for him to flip a relationship speech on me! Well it is....but not the 2nd date into the game!
So, after his lil...shpeel...I was sorta trigger shy on whether I should answer this question....was it a question? I mean he just sorta left it hanging... Am I supposed to pick it up?
"Well babe, your free to date whoever you want and should you have time in there for me...then great, if not...then that is fine too."
The look he had on his face.....I knew he wanted to shove my face into my plate. Eh...whatddayagoin'do? I answered in the best possible way to get the point across in the best possible way for him not to misunderstand.
He then sits there in silence munching on his food with this ...thoughtful look on his face. Yea, I could see him thinking and from where I sat...it looked like he was argueing with himself.
"So what your telling me is that I am not your type and that this is the last time I am going to see you?"
"Where in the hell did you get that conclusion? Did you not understand what the fuck I just said?"
You see y'all...unless we have a playful friendship between us...I don't cuss at a man. Yet, by this point I wanted to drop the subject of whether I wanted him for my fucking husband.
THIS DATING GAME IS NOT BRAND NEW TO US!!!!!
Why am I having this conversation with a 40 year old man. Dude, you've been dating longer than I have...you know you have committed dating suicide...why are you pushing the point of "commitment"?
I have effectively turned him off, made him mad....but I ate good y'all.
"Bloopty, if you were having a bad date....what would you do to end the date?"
Umm, is he really asking me for a good exit-line to use ON MYSELF?
"I am not much into using pre-contrived lines to get out of something....I am (unfortunately) pretty upfront about what I want and don't want. So, I'd tell "the person" that I was ready to go home."
Dating has always been fun to me... I like variety. I like meeting different people and having "different" conversations. You know when your with the same person...you tend to talk about all the same stuff. No real brain energy needed to talk about how your day was, how was work, the gossip amongest your mutual friends, what's going on in the news. There's no simple nuances of flirting because you have no reason to flirt with the one you've already got. It's like you run out of creativity...drive to come across as sexy. That "fire" that made up your witty come-backs, the sexy talk that has sexual undertones...remember when you were considered funny and not annoying? That's why being single for me is cool. Right up my alley.
I know when your in a relationship or married you re-invent your realtionship and true, it's something different...but it's not sexy anymore...it's every day...it's typical...it's what becomes expected. No real surprises and no real earth-shattering moments of extreme LIKE. I can hear the married people rumbling and in discontent....but I was married for 9 years...I've been in 2 long term realtinships... I know what I am speaking about........for me. Unless you have something brand new come into the marriage...like kids...your just livin'. Kids will shake shit up and make your otherwise boring and dull marriage into daily hilarity...yet, what if you don't want kids? I know this is extreme...but I'm just sayin'
I'm looking at this guy and I am hoping.....I don't want to be desperate at 40...wondering if I am still beautiful to men. Trying to bogart them into a relationship after the 2nd date. I hope that I age gracefully, I hope I still have my little bit of spunk to me, I hope that I am sexily sassy, I hope that my conversation then is as it is now...a little clever, a little witty and a whole lotta enticing. As for me getting married again...marriage will be out of necessity rather than some ground-breaking revelation of love. Security in my old age is what I want but...if I end up being alone and living with 50 cats...I think I may just be ok.
He drove me home...on the way, we stopped at the farmer's market and I bought some fruit. Before I got out of the truck, I thanked him for brunch and told him to have a nice day. As I turned to walk away, he asked me if we were going to speak again....I looked over my shoulder with a sassy smile and said....
"Only if you call me."
Then I went in the house and decided I should rest before the next one began....he didn't enter my thoughts for the rest of the weekend.
...until he called me last night...while on date #4. I didn't answer. I felt no need to answer. He irritated me.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
huh?
I am sitting here in my office eating pop-tarts...frosted strawberry to be exact. Not heated in the toaster but right outta the package... yea, that's how I get down. I am sitting here wondering if I am gonna leave early today and go home OR hang out at the Gan.esvoort after work and be surrounded by the "pretty people". More than likely I will head home because since breaking up with my bank (read: The Itch) I have been actually having to pay my own bills...and right about now...I'mma little dough-less.
Either way, I am sitting here reading blogs and feeling....empty. I have shit to write and no creativity and no want to be creative. I so need a vacation it's ridiculous. If anyone would like to have a blogger meet up in the Bahamas the 24th thru the 29th...Please Oh Please get at me off-line...I am down for whatever.......scratch that.......I ain't down for whatever........I am down for meeting and you doing you and me doing me, but that shit stays between us because I think on this next trip....I HAVE to get wild. Ok, so scratch me inviting any bloggers....y'all tell everything! LOL
So until then....I am doing nothing but MeMe's until I go on vaca....yea, the vacay I just decided to go on right now!
I am going to do a MeMe...that I snatched from T.Cas. I was gonna do 2830's...but that requires too much thought and as y'all know...I'mma lazy chick.
So here it is:
1. How old do you wish you were? 16
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was doing this...
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick and shake the hell out of it
4. Do you consider yourself kind? No
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? It would be the Bacardi bat on the back of my neck
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French, it's sexy...and I am always trying to add to my repetoire
7. Do you know your neighbors? Know them all(in my building)...but there is one I'd like to know better
8. What do you consider a vacation? Packing a suitcase, getting on a plane and turning off my phone the whole time I am away
9. Do you follow your horoscope? No...but maybe I should considering what it says about me... February
10. Would you move for the person you loved? I did
11. Are you touchy feely? Extremely. I find my hand drifting towards you...I want to feel you to see if I am right in thinking your hard and smooth...
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? I believe male and females attract
13. Dream job? Something that gives me freedom, autonomy, and I get to meet people
14. Favorite channels? HBO, TNT
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? When it's warm & sunny...anywhere outdoors
16. Showers or bath? Showers
17. Do you paint your nails? I got get them did...I don't do anything.
18. Do you trust people easily? I vibe people real quick and I have yet to be let down by my instinct
19. What are your phobias? razor blades
20. Do you want kids? Too old to have anymore kids
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? Not a journal...but I write down things that pop in my head...whether on a napkin, back of a Mets ticket stub, in the column of a book in lip-liner
22. Where would you rather be right now? So many places but right this minute...but fo rnow, I'm good
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? He did...when he wasn't acting psycho
24. Heavy or light sleep? Light sleeper...so I take sleeping pills to knock me out...otherwise everything wakes me up
25. Are you paranoid? I'm not paranoid, they really are out to get me.
26. Are you impatient? One of thee most impatient people you will ever ever ever ever ever ever meet
27. Who can you relate to? Everybody. I see other peoples perspectives easily, even when their shit is all twisted and derrange
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? It's not for me but if you like it, I love it
29. Have you been burned by love? are we talking STD? Then no. If you talking emotionally, then yes. (T.Cas answer)
30. What's your life motto? Closed mouth don't get fed and a closed book don't get read. Talk about what you know about.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Standard T-mobile tone.
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Huh? Wha? Huh?
33. Who was your last text message from? Jersey
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine
35. What color shirt are you wearing? black, sleeveless, deep-v pullover
36. Most recent movie you watched? Do.dgeb.all: The True Und.erdo.g Story
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? keys, cell, wallet, lip stuff, watch
38. What color are your bed sheets? Blood Red (1500 count)
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? $26.31
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken? the breast
41. What is your favorite town/city? Bay Area
42. I can't wait till.. I can stop waiting
43. Who got you to join Blogger? a fellow blogger who stopped shortly after I started 2 years ago
44. What did you have for dinner last night? 100,000 bar and a Frost gatorade
45. How tall are you barefoot? 5'4 3/4ths...count that as 5'5 dammit!
46. Have you ever smoked crack? I've never even seen crack before muchless smoked it...plus I hate smoke, so unless it came in a Bayers children chewables form....I can't fuck wid it
47. Do you own a gun? Get outta pocket and you'll find out
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Gatorade Frost
49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? I am always open to the possibilities... a smile and a simple conversation can go along way...am I wrong?
50. Do you have A.D.D? If it isn't about me, about money, or about me making money...then I tend to lose focus anyway...I don't think that is classified as ADD...but more along the lines of being self-centered...I am sorry, what was the question?
51. What time did you wake up today? 6:45
52. Current worry? I wanna go out this weekend but I have no dough...dough-less 'member?
53. Current hate? none
54. Favorite place to be? In the day: outside At night: in the bed *heeheehee*
55. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere where there is some english speaking people...I don't wanna travel somewhere where I can't get a straight answer about where the bathroom is, where some food is or where the airport is
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? I have no fucking idea but I better be in a whole fucking better place than I am now
57. Last thing you ate? frosted strawberry pop-tart
58. What songs do you sing in the shower? some gospel song I remeber only a portion of from when I was a little girl
59. Last person that made you laugh? I did. I laughed at myself for they way I got down last night...
60. Worst injury you ever had? When I was 7, I was jumping in the pool and in mid air I turned, so when I came down, I hit my head on the concrete wall and passed out....everyone jumped in and pulled me out...when I woke up the pool was saturated with blood
61. Does someone have a crush on you? Naw, ain't no one checking for me. If they are...they sure are being quiet about it.
62. What is your favorite candy? The kind that is sweet and hard...to suck on
63. Favorite errogenous zone? Inside of my elbows or my wrist, tops of my shoulders, backs of my knees, the part between my pinkie toe and my heel...the meaty part if bitten and licked...keep going?
That's all folks...
Either way, I am sitting here reading blogs and feeling....empty. I have shit to write and no creativity and no want to be creative. I so need a vacation it's ridiculous. If anyone would like to have a blogger meet up in the Bahamas the 24th thru the 29th...Please Oh Please get at me off-line...I am down for whatever.......scratch that.......I ain't down for whatever........I am down for meeting and you doing you and me doing me, but that shit stays between us because I think on this next trip....I HAVE to get wild. Ok, so scratch me inviting any bloggers....y'all tell everything! LOL
So until then....I am doing nothing but MeMe's until I go on vaca....yea, the vacay I just decided to go on right now!
I am going to do a MeMe...that I snatched from T.Cas. I was gonna do 2830's...but that requires too much thought and as y'all know...I'mma lazy chick.
So here it is:
1. How old do you wish you were? 16
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was doing this...
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick and shake the hell out of it
4. Do you consider yourself kind? No
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? It would be the Bacardi bat on the back of my neck
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French, it's sexy...and I am always trying to add to my repetoire
7. Do you know your neighbors? Know them all(in my building)...but there is one I'd like to know better
8. What do you consider a vacation? Packing a suitcase, getting on a plane and turning off my phone the whole time I am away
9. Do you follow your horoscope? No...but maybe I should considering what it says about me... February
10. Would you move for the person you loved? I did
11. Are you touchy feely? Extremely. I find my hand drifting towards you...I want to feel you to see if I am right in thinking your hard and smooth...
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? I believe male and females attract
13. Dream job? Something that gives me freedom, autonomy, and I get to meet people
14. Favorite channels? HBO, TNT
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? When it's warm & sunny...anywhere outdoors
16. Showers or bath? Showers
17. Do you paint your nails? I got get them did...I don't do anything.
18. Do you trust people easily? I vibe people real quick and I have yet to be let down by my instinct
19. What are your phobias? razor blades
20. Do you want kids? Too old to have anymore kids
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? Not a journal...but I write down things that pop in my head...whether on a napkin, back of a Mets ticket stub, in the column of a book in lip-liner
22. Where would you rather be right now? So many places but right this minute...but fo rnow, I'm good
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? He did...when he wasn't acting psycho
24. Heavy or light sleep? Light sleeper...so I take sleeping pills to knock me out...otherwise everything wakes me up
25. Are you paranoid? I'm not paranoid, they really are out to get me.
26. Are you impatient? One of thee most impatient people you will ever ever ever ever ever ever meet
27. Who can you relate to? Everybody. I see other peoples perspectives easily, even when their shit is all twisted and derrange
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? It's not for me but if you like it, I love it
29. Have you been burned by love? are we talking STD? Then no. If you talking emotionally, then yes. (T.Cas answer)
30. What's your life motto? Closed mouth don't get fed and a closed book don't get read. Talk about what you know about.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Standard T-mobile tone.
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Huh? Wha? Huh?
33. Who was your last text message from? Jersey
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine
35. What color shirt are you wearing? black, sleeveless, deep-v pullover
36. Most recent movie you watched? Do.dgeb.all: The True Und.erdo.g Story
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? keys, cell, wallet, lip stuff, watch
38. What color are your bed sheets? Blood Red (1500 count)
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? $26.31
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken? the breast
41. What is your favorite town/city? Bay Area
42. I can't wait till.. I can stop waiting
43. Who got you to join Blogger? a fellow blogger who stopped shortly after I started 2 years ago
44. What did you have for dinner last night? 100,000 bar and a Frost gatorade
45. How tall are you barefoot? 5'4 3/4ths...count that as 5'5 dammit!
46. Have you ever smoked crack? I've never even seen crack before muchless smoked it...plus I hate smoke, so unless it came in a Bayers children chewables form....I can't fuck wid it
47. Do you own a gun? Get outta pocket and you'll find out
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Gatorade Frost
49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? I am always open to the possibilities... a smile and a simple conversation can go along way...am I wrong?
50. Do you have A.D.D? If it isn't about me, about money, or about me making money...then I tend to lose focus anyway...I don't think that is classified as ADD...but more along the lines of being self-centered...I am sorry, what was the question?
51. What time did you wake up today? 6:45
52. Current worry? I wanna go out this weekend but I have no dough...dough-less 'member?
53. Current hate? none
54. Favorite place to be? In the day: outside At night: in the bed *heeheehee*
55. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere where there is some english speaking people...I don't wanna travel somewhere where I can't get a straight answer about where the bathroom is, where some food is or where the airport is
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? I have no fucking idea but I better be in a whole fucking better place than I am now
57. Last thing you ate? frosted strawberry pop-tart
58. What songs do you sing in the shower? some gospel song I remeber only a portion of from when I was a little girl
59. Last person that made you laugh? I did. I laughed at myself for they way I got down last night...
60. Worst injury you ever had? When I was 7, I was jumping in the pool and in mid air I turned, so when I came down, I hit my head on the concrete wall and passed out....everyone jumped in and pulled me out...when I woke up the pool was saturated with blood
61. Does someone have a crush on you? Naw, ain't no one checking for me. If they are...they sure are being quiet about it.
62. What is your favorite candy? The kind that is sweet and hard...to suck on
63. Favorite errogenous zone? Inside of my elbows or my wrist, tops of my shoulders, backs of my knees, the part between my pinkie toe and my heel...the meaty part if bitten and licked...keep going?
That's all folks...
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Don't Do Me Like That
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
No matter what they say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
________________
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
No matter what they say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
________________
Left mid-morning to go get my nails and toes done. Sitting in the nail shop I am relaxed because pedicure is first and this chicks hands are soft as butter. She cleaned up the piggies and then proceeded to massage my legs and my calves.....DAMN THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE HEAVEN (*sorry about using shit and heaven in the same sentence.) I love massages...any type. Back when I was ballin' (LOL) in California, I use to get a massage once a week...every Friday night around 9 or 10 @ night...yea, I know IT WAS HELLA LATE!! That's how I liked it, 'cause I like to be able to go straight home and to bed while I am still relaxed and as long as my massuese was ok with it...hey, who am I to complain.
Nothing like having a 2 hour massage and being able to just lay in the moonlight with soothing sounds of jazz as you get the kinks kneaded out of your body, extremeties and neck.... Doesn't hurt that my massuese was a man...not JUST a man...A beautiful wonderful man. His name was Nathaniel and the first time I met him in BofA...I wanted to frishnuk his brains out right at the teller window. Naw...I didn't do it! Dammit!
He talked to me, liked my hair color...said I had a nice smile then proceeds to give me his business card. Game recognize game...nice how he complimented me and then told me about his "craft"...what women wouldn't WANT to call him!?! For whatever reason, I didn't call him for 2-3 months after that. Finally, during the dead of winter (California style)...was freezing and raining out but I had been stressed all week...just needed someone to get this knot outta my back (without thinking that they were gonna get some ass afterwards)....told him what hurt and he said he could fix it....
My very own Mr. Fix-It-Man...well Nate...come and fix dis shit BABEEEEEE....lol
Recap:...massage, moonlit massage studio, freezing rain out, fine ass man who whispers french words when massaging my fingers........aahhhhhhhhhh*sigh
So, I asked for an hour massage...turned in 2 hours..he charged me for one and I tipped him heavy for the extra time....from that moment on...I became a regular.
Every week I went in for my one hour massage that lasted for 2/3 hours. If I hadn't called him to set an appointment by a certain day...HE'D CALL ME..."Bloopty where are you"...."let me know if you want in, so I don't over book"......WOW.
Our massage sessions started lasting longer and longer...to the point that he's finish...I'd be laying on the massage table bukked nekked with JUST a towel on my ass and we'd just be talking as he randomly played in my hair...talking about everything. This man wasn't even who I thought I was infatuated with at the time. I felt though, that I could tell him things I hadn't even shared with the "Goon". We kept this up for a year. Paying him after every session.
Da da dunnnnnnnnnnn....dadadadadaaaAAAAAA (that's the "wait-to-you-see-what-happens-next theme music)......lol
I had a first date with this guy named Marcus....I drove over the Bay Bridge to get him in San Francisco, told him I had a massage appointment in Oakland. He said no problem just to drop him off at the Golden Bear and he'd watch the rest of the game and drink some beers and maybe win him some money at the dominos table (in that bar, they always play for money...dominos in front and pool in the back and if you ain't playing for money...then go sit yo ass on the bleachers 'cause you taken up space...lol) I told him ok, I'd be back and we'd continue OUR date. Here is where it all goes bad...FOR HIM!!
Dropped him off and I go to my appointment...........butt naked on the table, smelling like extra clean, extra brand new AND improved coochie ('cause he's GONNA smell the juices flowing as soon as he starts to knead the fat on my ass (notice* I did not say MY FAT ASS...refer back to archives) ...HOLD ON
let me tell you the lay-out of the studio so you'll know this is not no ordinary spot....and definitely NOT like massage sessions on my bed......this place he has created is for "hooking" his clientele UP..............lol
When you first walk in...you have this huge space in front of you but he has set it up with throw pillows on the ground and this nice low comfortable counch...he has a deep blush carpet and he tells me to sit down on the couch and relax, offers me a bottle of water...he turns on the sllloooooow jazz (coltrane, miles, dizzy) pulls up the blinds...at the TOP of his walls he has windows....moonlight streams thru. He has candles lit and I usually tell him to put 2 or 3 out...it's too bright (I am shy STILL, after a year of having his hands touch me in ways no man has) As I am relaxing on the counch...head back and eyes closed, preparing myself and relaxing my mind...he sits on the floor in front of me and starts to take off my shoes and socks and massages my feet....( it use to startle me, a year later...it's expected..I keep my eyes closed and let him...do him...do me)....
....after about 30 minutes of relaxing me and him putting me at ease....he takes my hand and leads me back to the private bathroom where I get undressed and ...clean the cooch one last time because I tell you.....HIS HANDS ARE MAGIC!! Foot action got me ready...already!! Ugh!...that's so sad*sigh*
He leaves the room and I proceed to get up on the table and lay there...he gives me time for that too. He finally comes in and proceeds to massage me, kneads me, firmly carresses me and all the while talking softly...sometimes I tell him to speak french to me...after all, I am not joiung him in conversation...he just talks to make me comfortable. I think I know more about his childhood, his dreams, his aspirations than any other man before or since him. He gets on my back and stradles me...does this lifting thing and his fingers firmly stroke my...sides and then he goes lower...my ass...my thighs...my calves...my toes...............then I turn over (and I always get the most shy here), he does a pulling motion with my arms, massages down the center of my chest (he asks me if I mind having a FULL frontal massages)...the first couple of times I hesitated....each and everytime after....I let him. *actually to throw a monkey wrench in....I think I started out on the front side...hmmm....'cause......
He finishes the massage and sits at the head of the table, still massaging my arms and my head........I finally look up.......and he bends over...ever so slightly...and gives me a kiss...first on the forehead...I'm shocked and frozen, so I think that's why.......
then he gave me a kiss on my lips...a peck. So soft, so light, but very nice. He looks me in my eyes and ask me to go to dinner with him the next evening.
I am secretly in love with this man...dreaming about him and I in a lovers tangle and he........FUCKING ASK ME OUT WHILE I AM NAKED AND AT HIS MERCY"!!!!
Cold ice water poured over me....and I went from being soft and wet (literally) to being irritated and dry as dirt!!!
Now I know y'all like...what the fuck is wrong with me..........I know....and I shake my head all the time when I think about it. I just thought it was very unethical. I pay you for this service. YOU KNOW I enjoy this service. If your attracted to me and want to ask me out...you could have asked me as I came through the door and gave you a hug. As I sat on the couch while you massages my feet.
Nate waited until I was relaxed, naked and drained....he waited for it. FOR A YEAR...and you don't have the decency to call me up tomorrow and ask me out...you've called other times...to set appointmets and make your money....the smell of my cooch is permeating the room, my defense are down and I am vulnerable.....
I never went back to see Nathaniel after that.
Ignored his calls and haven't found a good massuese again....
I got dressed, thanked him even gave him a peck back...then I left and went home and to bed. Wasn't until I was getting dressed that I had rememebred that I left ol' dude at the bar and he had to take the BART (like NYC subway, smaller scale)...or have someone come the 45 minutes from Daly City to pick him up in the pouring rain, back to SF and home...needless to say...that man ever sees me again, he's probably gonna drop kick me in the neck on GP.
Now I am in NYC....can anyone hook me up with a guy who is the MnFn shit when it comes to massages?!?
*the song up top was on while at the nail shop while I was getting my pedicure....reminded me of how Nate use to make me feel.
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Two Years Ago Today
I boarded a plane for New York City. 2 suitcases and 1 box. $400 in my pocket.
I was going to move into an apartment that I had never seen. Going to live in the Bronx...in an area I had never been to. 163rd off of the Grand Concourse (that's a main street in the Bx).
My initial dreams of moving out of Oakland were more along the lines of moving to the LA area. I figured that was safe and it was still in California...but not apart of California. You'd have to live there to know what I mean. There are people that live in both the North and South of California who have never ventured to either part. Their vibe, there attitude, their living are so very different. Again, you'd have to live there to know what I am talking about. So, moving to Los Angeles was where I was going to start my transition of moving away from Oakland...and then maybe out of the state of Cal.
However, an eastern facing window of oppurtunity opened for me. Actually, I made an oppurtunity happen. I cultivated it. I entertained it. I manipulated it. At the same time I made sure that if for whatever reason that plan fell through...I had a back-up plan. After almost a year of making something out of nothing..."we" decided to have me move to NYC. I had travelled back and forth once a month and sometimes twice a month...I felt like I knew the area. Had stayed in hotels all over NYC so that I could get the experience of different parts of the city. While I was here I cultivated other friendships so that again, should something fall through...I had a back-up plan.
One of my back-up plans got me the apartment in the Bronx, another back-up plan gave me the use of his car when I got here, and my original "oppurtunity" was my money source (well that was the "plan").
My daddy put me on the Je.tBl.ue 11:15 flight out of Oakland. I was scared. I was nervous. Yet, I had this anxiousness...this excitement building inside me. I had no idea what to expect. I didn't really have a job to go to. I knew that I was going to be living off my credit cards for a while. Me and the "original oppurtunity" had broke up and stopped talking a month before I was to move here...so I knew that that money source was a dry well. Good thing that I had met a very nice hip white guy from Connecticut, when I came for the month before I was to move. Had I not met him...my money issues would have been a lot harder to deal with. With all these variables, I am nervous about what to expect and what's going to be expected of me (as if I didn't know...lol) New surrounding and not a single girl friend.
I am officially the "fresh meat" from California...and it shows.
I am at J.FK airport with all of my million of bags and it's humid.....humid. I take a taxi from JF.K to the Bronx...exit 6. I arrive at my apartment .... and it's occupied.
The woman I am subletting from is still living there.
ummm, .....ok.
*long ass story I don't want to tell right now*
I had a contact with some people and tried to see if I had access to a job oppurtunity. I did but it was part-time and minimal pay. I don't do minimal pay. SO what if I didn't have a job...I am not working for minimal pay. For the next three months I had no job...no in-coming money flow....besides my daddy and my Ccards...and whatever the 3 back-up plans would give me.
The first 3 months of living in NYC is a itme I will never forget or would I change....well except the money part. I was brand new to every experience NYC had to offer. I'd get on the subway and get off where ever...just randomly getting lost and finding my way around. I went out at nights to clubs, parties, gallery shows. I met a ton of people...all men but hey, that's ok, because I am good at what I do...and what I do...is make sure I am always taken care of.
I use to sit in this park on the corner of GC and 161st...and read a book and watch people...on game days I could here the fans in Yankee stadium. Those first 3 months of living in NYC were some of the loneliest days I've ever had....even though I was so busy. 3000 miles away from everyone you know...everything you know. No matter the amount of people I met could ever compare to living a life time in one place surrounded by people you've grown up with...plus all of my family. But again, I wouldn't have changed that time for anything.
Here I am 2 years later...still here. I initially said... OK, I will give NY at least a year...if I don't like it then I can always move back home and start back where I left off. If I like it...then I'll stay for 5 years or until I've had enough. Well, in this 2 years I have cried, hated, loved, laughed and screamed that I had had enough.... yet I am still here. I am glad that this oppurtunity came knocking...I am glad that I took it. I am glad that I won't be kicking myself in the ass...saying I shoulda, coulda, wish I woulda.... I DID IT!
I have learned alot about myself. I never knew I had this courage. I never thought I was this strong. Didn't think I could survive on my own. I've prided myself on being open-minded and embracing possibilities...but now I see that my words aren't just words. I love my frivilous life of ups and downs.
As my daddy always says....
It's All In the Experience.
*UPDATE: I just got off the phone with my daddy. He says....
Happy Annivesary Bloopty-babe.
Then he proceeds to tell me how proud of me he is...and how he brags to all his friends that I live in the Big Apple. I keep telling him that people that live in the Big Apple hate when you call it the Big Apple...LOL
I was going to move into an apartment that I had never seen. Going to live in the Bronx...in an area I had never been to. 163rd off of the Grand Concourse (that's a main street in the Bx).
My initial dreams of moving out of Oakland were more along the lines of moving to the LA area. I figured that was safe and it was still in California...but not apart of California. You'd have to live there to know what I mean. There are people that live in both the North and South of California who have never ventured to either part. Their vibe, there attitude, their living are so very different. Again, you'd have to live there to know what I am talking about. So, moving to Los Angeles was where I was going to start my transition of moving away from Oakland...and then maybe out of the state of Cal.
However, an eastern facing window of oppurtunity opened for me. Actually, I made an oppurtunity happen. I cultivated it. I entertained it. I manipulated it. At the same time I made sure that if for whatever reason that plan fell through...I had a back-up plan. After almost a year of making something out of nothing..."we" decided to have me move to NYC. I had travelled back and forth once a month and sometimes twice a month...I felt like I knew the area. Had stayed in hotels all over NYC so that I could get the experience of different parts of the city. While I was here I cultivated other friendships so that again, should something fall through...I had a back-up plan.
One of my back-up plans got me the apartment in the Bronx, another back-up plan gave me the use of his car when I got here, and my original "oppurtunity" was my money source (well that was the "plan").
My daddy put me on the Je.tBl.ue 11:15 flight out of Oakland. I was scared. I was nervous. Yet, I had this anxiousness...this excitement building inside me. I had no idea what to expect. I didn't really have a job to go to. I knew that I was going to be living off my credit cards for a while. Me and the "original oppurtunity" had broke up and stopped talking a month before I was to move here...so I knew that that money source was a dry well. Good thing that I had met a very nice hip white guy from Connecticut, when I came for the month before I was to move. Had I not met him...my money issues would have been a lot harder to deal with. With all these variables, I am nervous about what to expect and what's going to be expected of me (as if I didn't know...lol) New surrounding and not a single girl friend.
I am officially the "fresh meat" from California...and it shows.
I am at J.FK airport with all of my million of bags and it's humid.....humid. I take a taxi from JF.K to the Bronx...exit 6. I arrive at my apartment .... and it's occupied.
The woman I am subletting from is still living there.
ummm, .....ok.
*long ass story I don't want to tell right now*
I had a contact with some people and tried to see if I had access to a job oppurtunity. I did but it was part-time and minimal pay. I don't do minimal pay. SO what if I didn't have a job...I am not working for minimal pay. For the next three months I had no job...no in-coming money flow....besides my daddy and my Ccards...and whatever the 3 back-up plans would give me.
The first 3 months of living in NYC is a itme I will never forget or would I change....well except the money part. I was brand new to every experience NYC had to offer. I'd get on the subway and get off where ever...just randomly getting lost and finding my way around. I went out at nights to clubs, parties, gallery shows. I met a ton of people...all men but hey, that's ok, because I am good at what I do...and what I do...is make sure I am always taken care of.
I use to sit in this park on the corner of GC and 161st...and read a book and watch people...on game days I could here the fans in Yankee stadium. Those first 3 months of living in NYC were some of the loneliest days I've ever had....even though I was so busy. 3000 miles away from everyone you know...everything you know. No matter the amount of people I met could ever compare to living a life time in one place surrounded by people you've grown up with...plus all of my family. But again, I wouldn't have changed that time for anything.
Here I am 2 years later...still here. I initially said... OK, I will give NY at least a year...if I don't like it then I can always move back home and start back where I left off. If I like it...then I'll stay for 5 years or until I've had enough. Well, in this 2 years I have cried, hated, loved, laughed and screamed that I had had enough.... yet I am still here. I am glad that this oppurtunity came knocking...I am glad that I took it. I am glad that I won't be kicking myself in the ass...saying I shoulda, coulda, wish I woulda.... I DID IT!
I have learned alot about myself. I never knew I had this courage. I never thought I was this strong. Didn't think I could survive on my own. I've prided myself on being open-minded and embracing possibilities...but now I see that my words aren't just words. I love my frivilous life of ups and downs.
As my daddy always says....
It's All In the Experience.
*UPDATE: I just got off the phone with my daddy. He says....
Happy Annivesary Bloopty-babe.
Then he proceeds to tell me how proud of me he is...and how he brags to all his friends that I live in the Big Apple. I keep telling him that people that live in the Big Apple hate when you call it the Big Apple...LOL
